Dear Stranger
by Thalia Airla
Summary: They had been friends ever since they could remember. They had spent almost all daylights in one another's company since he moved in next door. But now that her feelings are changed, everything will never be the same again.
1. Chapter 1: Long Time Coming

_Hi Everyone! This is my first Fan Fiction. I decided to write again after a two year hiatus and I needed loads of encouragements to get this out! Do let me know what you think! Thanks everyone! (:_

The bus grounded to a halt and the mechanical doors of the blue bus flung open, revealing a girl dressed in a brown and pink hoodie, her gloved hands tugged in her pockets for warmth. The wind blew her brown locks away from her face to reveal a girl of fair complexion and soulful brown eyes. Leaving behind the comforting warmth of the bus, she stepped off the bus and into the cool, late October air. With a dull clank that seemed to echo around the quiet surroundings, the doors flanged shut and the blue bus roared off for its next destination.

She stood without moving from her spot, dazed. Her eyes adjusted to the familiar surroundings where tall oak trees hovered over the nearly frosted mulberry bushes that were seated next to the calm lake. Removing one gloved hand, she touched her cheeks. Warmth. She trudged down the dusty cobble stones path covered with parched skeletons of great white oaks. Orange and red leaves lined the side of the path and she heaved a sigh. It was so sensually beautiful here and a sense of nostalgia hung in the air. Except for the occasional bus or automobile, silence enveloped her.

Walking further down the path, she stopped and allowed her gaze to settle tenderly on the old and bent oak tree. It was nearly frosted and dry leaves were scattered about under the tree. She smiled and sat down under the tree, allowing the branches to cast familiar shadows on her. She sat there, under the old oak tree, overlooking the lake, which aside from the occasional splash of a fish, was very calm.

Her hands absent-mindedly fingered the leaves that had fallen overnight and her thoughts flew back to those innocent days. She could still vividly remember the times when she would leisurely strolled down these all too familiar stones path, her hands on the crook of his arm before settling under the same old oak tree with him. It was like an unwritten and tacit tradition between them every time Fall arrived, how he would prepare the blankets, while she got the steamy mugs of hot chocolate ready. They would settle against the tree, sipped hot chocolate with marshmallows and watched the maple leaves fall from their branches. They would sit there till the sun disappeared below the horizons and the lights from the street cast a yellow glow around them. Of course, they talked. They talked about everything- the future, their past, their thoughts, their goals and ambitions… Sometimes, they played a game or two…

Sighing softly, her eyes scanned the horizons and landed on the stretch of houses just across the meadow. A welcoming, warm glow was casted in her direction. Tearing her gaze away from the houses, she allowed herself to immerse in the endearing beauty of her surroundings just for a little longer. The wind was picking up, signaling the impending arrival of November. Soon, the red and orange leaves would have all fallen and parches of white snow would cover the cobble stones path. She heaved another sigh as she began to lug her luggage across the clearing in the direction of the houses.

"I'm coming home," she muttered under her breath.

Bella was coming home after a year at Princeton for the holidays and so was he. Her best friend, her first love… Probably her last too, if fate permitted it.

_Do review and let me know what you think! THANKS everyone!_

_Xoxo._


	2. Chapter 2: 204 Miles

_**Of course, gorgeous Edward (whom most of us are insanely in love with) and Bella, the beautiful one does not belong to me. I only put them into new situations. **_

_**Now that I've gotten the setting of Bella's home in, let's get on with the plot. **__**Spoiler: This is where Edward comes in.**_

_*******_

_Bella was coming home after a year at Princeton for the holidays and so was he. Her best friend, her first love… Probably her last too, if fate permitted it._

***

Removing the glove from her right hand, Bella flung the door open cautiously and heard the sound of the sports commentator blaring off on Sky Sports. She inhaled deeply and the smell of pizza takeout came wafting out. Charlie must have gotten lazy to cook again, if he ever cooked at all, that is. Unable to help it, Bella broke into a tiny grin. Heart is where the home is, and hers was right back at where it all started. Tugging and wrestling with her luggage up the porch, she entered her house.

"Charlie? Dad, I'm home!" she called as she entered the house. The television was muted and Bella could hear Charlie shuffling out of the couch and towards where she stood.

"Bella… it's good to have you home!" There was a pregnant pause as Charlie studied Bella. Smiling slightly, father and daughter shared a silent hug. Silent exchanges were common occurrences in the Swan's household. Ever since Charlie lost his wife, Rene, in an accident, he had lost his joking mannerisms that only his wife had witnessed. "It's good to have you back, Bells," whispered Charlie softly as he and Bella pulled apart.

Turning away to survey the house, Bella turned back to Charlie with disbelief pouring out of her eyes.

"Whoa, Dad! I leave you for barely a year, and the kitchen looks like a volcano had exploded and a typhoon had blown through. Let me cook us a decent meal and tidy this place." Bella chastised gently and shooed Charlie back to the den to watch his match. Moving her luggage up the stairs, Bella changed into an older T-shirt and jeans before heading downstairs to prepare a more substantial meal for the pair.

After scrubbing every possible surface and ridding it of oil and dirt, Bella began setting up pots and pans to prepare the meal."Thankfully, I stopped by the supermarket to pick up some groceries and food, or else we'd be starving," mumbled Bella as she went about chopping tomatoes and onions to create an easy meal of spaghetti.

Just as Bella was about to lift the lid of a pot of boiling water to toss the spaghetti in, a pair of strong arms snaked around her waist, catching her off guard. Before Bella could even muster a shriek, she found herself lifted off the ground and held like a doll in midair before being twirled around and crushing into a solid chest.

"Miss me much, sweet Bella," crooned a velvety voice into her ears. Bella shivered as the cold air of his breath was blown at a newly found sensitive spot. Lifting her head upwards, her brown eyes met his playful emerald green ones, and she could not help the grin that broke across her features, lighting her face up instantly. If he could have heard, her heart was racing fast at the sight of him. This was the man who was the star of her dreams, her nightmares... The guy who managed to stay in her thoughts throughout the year while they had been apart. The very same boy whom she went skinny dipping with when she was just seven, was now a man dressed in a light blue T-shirt and black slacks with disheveled bronze hair, standing and grinning before her eyes. Imperfection in perfection. _An Adonis_!

"I take it you did, sweetie. I miss you! Do you know how far apart we were this year? 202 miles! That's almost 328 kilometers, Bella!"

Bella found herself crushed against Edward's chest yet again for the second time that evening. Slipping her arms around his waist, she turned her head and buried it into his shoulders, taking a deep breath. He smelled faintly of Tommy Hilfiger cologne, the very same one she gave him for his sixteenth birthday. Smiling, she muttered softly, "I miss you too Edward, I miss you too. And it's 204 miles apart between Harvard (in Massachusetts) and Princeton in New Jersey."

Grinning dazzlingly, Edward bent to kiss the top of her head.

"Whatever the distance, Bella, I missed you like crazy," he murmured softly in response, smiling as he drew her in even closer.

***

_**Charlie and Bella's reuniting was a little hard to write, for me at least. Do review yes? THANKS!**__** And thanks to my dearest friends for their encouragements! Would have never really continued without their support!**_


	3. Chapter 3: Ogling Dinner

_**I've got to admit: the feeling of having people add you to their alert and favorite list is AWESOME! Thanks for the support guys; I appreciate oh so very, very much!!! LOVES all around!**_

_**And thanks to **_**InweTinuviel**_**for**__**her support and help in tidying up my plot. I've now got at least the next 2 chaps in mind. She's on my favourite author list, so check her out! (:**_

_**This chapter will take a different turn. So far, my story has been written from a third person point of view, but in this chapter, I want to explore Bella's feelings at her uniting with Edward. All that said, the chapter will be in Bella's point of view (BPOV). As usual, do review and let me know how I can improve it or what you would like in the interactions between our stars!**_

"_What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?"_

_-New Moon, Stephenie Meyer_

***

_Grinning dazzlingly, Edward bent to kiss the top of her head. _

"_Whatever the distance, Bella, I missed you like crazy," he murmured softly in response, smiling as he drew her in even closer. _

***

**BPOV:**

In that instance, there were only three coherent thoughts in my mind.

One, Edward was _that_ close to me. I could even feel the rippling of his muscles beneath the shirt he wore.

Two, Edward misses me, like crazy! Me! _MOI_!

Three, Edward had just given me a kiss! Those naturally reddish lips which I have fantasized about running my fingers over had just planted themselves on my head, and all I could manage as a response was a pretty pathetic muffled "Hmmmm".

I, so very much wanted to bang my head against the wall. Of course, I had pictured our reunion ever since I bought my air ticket, and most of my versions involved Edward running across the meadow to pick me up bridal style and carry me home where we will share a passionate kiss before we go and greet Charlie. Very unrealistic, I know.

Glancing up at the man standing before me, I couldn't help myself from ogling. He looked even better than I remembered. His cheeks were rosy from the cold, his eyes, as green and reflective as the lake, were glowing as they stared into mine. He must have done more workouts over the year. His body was incredibly toned, and his abs! If I could melt, I would have dissolved into a literal and figurative mess. My self-restraint was slipping from my grasp and what I wanted more than anything else was to run my hands down his torso, and feel the muscles tingle beneath my touch…

"I take it that my sweet Bella likes what she's seeing?"

Edward's question dumped me unceremoniously back into the present. The Adonis before me was only my best friend, and there was no way that status could ever be changed.

"What? On the contrary Edward, I was thinking that you looked like you ate a tad too much," I snapped in reply. It was embarrassing to be caught ogling at Edward by the man himself. I was almost very certain that he could see the blush creeping up my cheeks that very instant and I lowered my head defensively.

Less than a minute passed and two fingers lifted my chin up, and my line of vision once again collided with Edward's. He always had the ability to dazzle people, and I was more often than not a victim of this dazzling effect.

"It's alright Bella! Besides you're my best friend, I don't mind the occasional ogling. It helps a male ego, you know. And because you're my best friend, I wouldn't even charge you for staring!"

That was Edward. He could turn the most awkward situation around and make me feel a great deal better. I smiled and laughed weakly in response and was just about to return a sarcastic retort when the smell hit me!

Oh no! The sauce for the Spaghetti was burning and the smell of burnt tomatoes filled the air. Turning quickly to the stove, I switched off the gas and reach for the pot. In the second between my fingers touching the pot, a pair of strong hands caught mine.

"_BELLA_!"

The velvety voice from before had transformed into a bellow as Edward pulled me away from the stove.

"Do you have any idea how hot that pot is going to be? And you decide to touch it, with your bare hands! Bella, sweet Bella, what were you do without me huh?"

It seemed that my clumsy ways had extended into absent-mindedness as well in the overwhelming presence of Edward. Turning up to glare at him with flushed cheeks, I muttered my excuse about preventing the house from burning down.

Edward shook his head, tossing his tousled hair away from his eyes and sighed down at me.

"Look, I'll make the dinner for you. You're probably tired from your flight and all that scrubbing," he said, acknowledging the freshly scrubbed kitchen that was now smoky too. "I'll finish this up and then we all can sit down for dinner, just like the good old days." If there was one thing I learnt from my ten year long friendship with Edward, it would be that he was as stubborn as a mule, and once he decided on something, it was close to impossible for him to change it.

After a nice hot shower and a change of clothes, I came back down to find dinner ready. Edward had even graciously made potato salad for us. Charlie and Edward were seated at the dining table, eating and chatting leisurely. The sight before me was such an everyday scenario, but it make me realise just how much I wanted this to last. For him to be by my side always… _forever_.

"Bella! Come, sit, eat," barked Major Edward as he set up a plate for me beside him. Smiling and nodding, I took my seat by his right and sat down to enjoy the meal that my best friend had prepared for me.

Dinner was a simple affair and as we ate, we talked. It was comforting to be back in the presence of my Dad, and my best friend, whom I have had other secrets desires for. As I was cleaning up the dishes, Edward came into the kitchen.

"Hey love." The simple sentence had me turned away from the washing to give him my undivided attention.

"Hey stranger." Edward chuckled and the corners of his glorious mouth turned upwards, showing off the slightest hint of a dimple.

"Bells, it's that time of the year. I was wondering, tomorrow morning; I'll get the blankets and sandwiches, could you get our hot chocolate?" Ah, yes! Our tradition, he has not forgotten about it. It was gratifying and heart warming to know that he still valued our traditions, even if they were silly and daft.

"I always have to make the hot chocolate, it's not fair!" My mouth shot a reply that was unparallel to my heart.

"Well love, you always have to make them because I only adore the ones you make. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Bella." Edward began to turn away slightly to go home which was just next door. He paused and before I knew what hit me, his red lips brush across my cheeks and a whispered "Sweet dreams" blew across my ears.

By the time my cheeks flamed and I could phantom a response, Edward had already left.

***

_**I know this chapter is so much longer than the first two put together, but I guess I got a little carried away with the interactions between those two. To make some clarifications, Bella and Edward has been the best of friends since young. More insights of their relationships to come in upcoming chapters.**_

_**In the mean time, do review! It's like drinking hot chocolate when I read your reviews. And I really, really do adore hot chocolate! Thanks everyone! (;**_


	4. Chapter 4: In dreams & flashbacks

_When I wrote this, I had just finished watching Notebook for the dozen time, and was crying my eyes out. That movie never fails to have the taps turned on. But then I went and check my inbox, and saw the number of alerts, so I'm all happy cheery again!_

_Once again, I'm continuing this chapter in Bella's POV, simply because this is her flashback, and I thought it would be so much better if I allowed Bella to take you on a journey to her past. (:_

_As always, I'm still hoping the characters can somehow miraculously belong to me, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. Enjoy & __**REVIEW**__!_

"_**The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more; plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."**_

_**-Noah from the Notebook**_

***

_By the time my cheeks flamed and I could phantom a response, Edward had already left._

***

It was a picturesque night. The cool wind blew softly in a sweet caress against my skin and a full moon was shining splendidly overhead in the darkening indigo skies. Slipping a robe over my midnight blue tank and shorts, I threw open the sliding doors that lead out to the balcony. Right beside my balcony was the neighbour's balcony, otherwise known as Edward's balcony. I glanced over and saw that the curtains were drawn and a low dim light was shining. Edward was probably getting ready for bed, just like I was. Only in my case, there was so much on my mind…

For all my life, I have been living in this very house. I was born here, raised here and spend almost every Thanksgiving and holidays here. There were very few children of my age in the neighbourhood at that time, and until the Cullens moved in, I played mostly alone.

I remember my seventh birthday vividly. My mother, Rene, had bought me a chocolate chip ice-cream as we were returning home from the mall after getting my present. It was one of those early, cooling autumn afternoons and I was skipping happily. As we rounded the corner to our house, I banged into a boy and that marked two things that happened simultaneously.

The first was the end of my ice-cream treat and the second, well; this was how I got to meet Edward. Not the best greeting to a new neighbour and very cliché too. We still get a kick out of the way we met every time we talked about the past. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, his wife, Esme, Edward, and his siblings, Alice and Emmett were our new neighbours and they were to play quite a role in my life for the years to follow.

Very obviously, Edward did not take much of a liking to me at first. I would not blame him. I had after all ruined his favourite jacket, and in Edward's words, "all seven year olds are egocentric, you can't blame me!"

We fought mostly when we saw each other, he would pull my braids and I would throw stones at him. His greatest past time, however, had to be his enjoyment in teasing me for my clumsiness. Up till today, it never ceased to amuse him. Things would probably not change if not for that fatal accident a year later.

When I was eight, Rene and Charlie had left me with the Cullens to go on a date for their tenth marriage anniversary. What I had not expected was for my jubilant and exultant parents to go out, and have only a bitter and heartbroken father return. My mother had died in a car crash.

It was such a drama when Charlie called the Cullens to have them bring me down to the hospital. Edward had been tugging on my braids again and I was trying to bite his arm in the process.

The memory that followed is foggy and ambiguous. I could only remember clinging on to Edward, crying and soaking his shirt in the process as they moved Rene's lifeless body from one room to another. The memory was so hazy, perhaps due to the pain of losing my closest friend and mother that day. But from then on, I found myself a new best friend. Maybe Edward befriended me out of pity, maybe it was on orders from his parents, I never really knew. What I do know was that he had been there when I was scared and lonely on days when Charlie just simply could not deal with me. Edward would leaped over from his balcony into mine and hug me until I could weep no more.

The world is ironical, when it takes away a closed one, you gain another. When a door is shut, a window opens somewhere. The metaphor is never more appropriate.

Shivering slightly from the wind that was picking up, I glance upwards at the moon. It was now hidden behind dark clouds and I could only see a fraction of it. Sighing, I turned to enter my room and slide the door close. As I lay on my purple bed, I find myself analyzing Edward's actions in the day. The kiss on my head, the peck on my cheek. His cold breath at the hollow of my ear that trigger a shiver down my spine…

Edward had always been the gorgeous one. Oh, don't get me wrong. Every one of the Cullens is fantastic. Carlisle and Esme are very loving, and Emmett was like the big brother I never had. He is goofy and tough looking, but underneath his exterior, he is a big teddy bear. Alice was the best girl pal anyone could ask for. Fashion advices, gossips, relationship Aunty Agony all piled into a package with dark brown spiky hair in a pixie cut. She is a petite ball of energy and beautiful in a striking manner. Both Emmett and Alice have their significant others as well, Rosalie for Em and Jasper for the little pixie. Rosalie has the cut of a model; she was curvy in all the right areas and very steady on stilettos, always prim and proper looking like she just stepped out of a fashion shoot. Then there is Jasper, blond and blue-eyed, very patient and the gentlest guy I know.

But Edward… He was always the one who had a tank full of ladies queuing up behind him. He was charming and a gentleman when he wanted to be. "Handsome" and "attractive" would be putting his exquisite beauty to shame, but darn it! He was attractive and he sure was hot. It just isn't about the way he looks. His confidence, his sense of humour, his sensitivity, his everything… and that was what got me so madly in love with Edward Anthony Cullen. _Everything_.

I flipped myself over and caught a brief glimpse of the luminous, glow-in-the-dark stars pasted at the sight of my bookshelf. Glowing and green, just like his eyes. Darkness took over after that and I found myself taken into a slumber as the rain teemed down outside.

_Another chapter completed. YAY! A little angst I know, ah wells. _

_Once again big thanks to __**InweTinuviel**__ for her awesome review and encouragement! And of course, a big bow and thanks to everyone who reviewed/ added me onto your alert and favourite list. _

_I'm trying to get more chapters out before the end of my holidays, so I would love to hear from you, my readers! Do let me know how I'm progressing or if there are any errors in the story. I re-read it thrice, but then, I'm known to be blur and blind… ah shucks!_

_Keep the reviews coming in! (:_


	5. Chapter 5: As Always

_As usual and as always, Bella and Edward __do not belong to me. Although I'm still wishing__fervently that I might strike lottery and be able to buy them over… until then._

_REVIEW, review and pleaseeee review! (: Other than that, enjoy this chapter._

_**Everybody wants to be loved,  
every once in a while.  
We all need someone to hold on to  
just like a helpless child.**_

_**-lyrics from Oliver James' Long time coming, a song that has kicked start this chapter, again.**_

***

_I flipped myself over and caught a brief glimpse of the luminous, glow-in-the-dark stars pasted at the sight of my bookshelf. Glowing and green, just like his eyes. Darkness took over after that and I found myself taken into a slumber as the rain teemed down outside._

***

When Bella finally roused from her slumber that had been peppered with muddled and indistinct dreams, sunlight was streaming in through the balcony doors. Pushing herself up on her elbows, Bella leaned over to her left to check the time.

10:33 a.m. read the clock, the numbers flashing in red across the digital screen. "_Ah shucks_," thought Bella as she jumped from her bed and headed to the toilet for her morning routine and a shower to freshen up. Edward was suppose to come around at eleven, and she had barely half an hour left to get ready, hunt for the tin of chocolate amongst the cupboards and make the hot chocolate.

When the clock flashed 10:47 a.m. Bella was out of the shower and throwing on a pair of well worn denim jeans with an azure, V-neck long sleeved shirt. Heading down the stairs carefully to avoid tripping and landing face down in another attempt to break her nose, Bella headed to the kitchen. The house was predominantly silent, except for the humming of the old heater in the hall. Charlie had probably gone down to the station. He was Chief Police of the head quarters, which meant he spent more hours in the station than at home. And of course when Charlie was home, he would spend more time in the den than anywhere else. It is at the den, where the flat screen, thirty two inch television was parked after all.

Tossing and opening cupboards, Bella looked around the kitchen to recall where she had left the tin the afternoon before. "_I definitely am getting pretty absent-minded_," she thought humourlessly to herself. Five minutes of recalling and ransacking later, Bella finally found the new tin of chocolate powder.

'Thump! Bump! _**THUMP**_, thump, thump, bump!' Hearing the unknown and intruding sound, Bella jumped as she turn away from the task at hand to investigate the noise.

There was a thumping sound coming from upstairs and it was getting louder. Whatever it was, it was definitely approaching Bella. Reaching for the pepper spray in her back pocket, Bella held it defensively in front of her as she tip-toed towards the stairs…

"_**AHHHH! BELLA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"**_ A painful yelp and bellow followed as Bella hit the pepper spray with all her might.

"_The thief knows my name,_" thought Bella and in her midst of confusion, she dropped the spray. "_Oh no! What have I done?_" Bella gasped as she saw who it was in front of her. Edward! Apologizing profusely and guiltily, Bella helped Edward to the bathroom to wash his eyes.

"I'm really so sorry Edward! I thought I was alone at home, and when I heard the thumping noise, I thought it was some thief or robber! And Charlie always told me that when in doubt, I should just use the pepper spray as my form of self-protection."

Before Edward could get a word in otherwise, Bella rushed on. "And besides it isn't my fault. I mean, Edward, can't you be like any other conventional guest and use the main door. No! You had to make a burglar-liked entry. So technically it isn't my fault too." Bella smiled as she concluded her speech.

Looking up into the red and green eyes, Bella bit her lips. "Does it hurt? I'm sorry," she whispered softly this time.

Shaking his head, Edward gave a sigh as he held up two blankets. Glancing at the blankets, Bella recognized her violet one. "Err Edward… I know I kind of sprayed you with pepper solution, but you don't have to avenge it on my blanket right?"

"Bella! First you called me a thief and robber, next you accuse me of being dangerous to the point that you needed self protection, and then you called me a burglar. _NOW_, you're calling me childish for wanting to have revenge on your blanket! Geez Bella, did you bump your head while waking up this morning?! And besides I'm never conventional, and I'm not a guest. I went to your room to get your blanket because, my dear, I couldn't find another spare blanket at home! Does that answer everything?!" roared an exasperated Edward.

Bella bit her lips again and tilt her head, mumbling about getting the spare blanket instead of using hers.

While Edward went back upstairs to return her violet blanket, Bella slipped into the kitchen to start on hot chocolate. Her heart beat erratically as she recalled his fuming eyes. Sure, she felt guilt and embarrassment, but underlying them, she felt a sense of excitement at Edward's explosion. _"How can someone still look so unbelievable charming with red and green eyes when he's mad_" she thought and giggled to herself.

"Earth to Bella!" A pair of firm arms gripped her waist as Bella snapped out of her thoughts. Edward shook his head and indicated to the extra chocolate powder she had added into the flasks during her little frolic in Dreamland.

"Bella dear, I do like my chocolate thick, but I've got no intentions to die of diabetics or any of that sort, alright!"

Quickly separating the extra powder into another flask, Bella finished making the hot chocolate without further accidents. Picking up the blankets and sandwich which Esme had prepared, Edward trudged out the door and tapped his foot impatiently as Bella slipped into a pair of brown boots and locked her door. Carrying their mini picnic towards the old oak tree, the pair was unusually quiet as they hiked towards their destination.

"Edward," began Bella carefully, after they had set up their picnic, as she studied Edward's reactions. "I'm really sorry about the morning, forgive me alright?"

A low growl rumbled from the back of Edward's throat and before Bella could say anymore, she was knocked to the ground by the weight of Edward throwing himself on her. Bella gasped and hissed when she realized that Edward had her hands pinned down and he was tickling her mercilessly.

"Edward… Ed..ward!" panted Bella.

"Oh, I'll forgive you sweet Bells, right after I get my revenge. After all, you did call me childish, didn't you?" Edward had an evil glint in his eyes as he laughed down at Bella.

"Haha, oh! Hahaha… ahh.. haha… I'm.. hahaha… so..rry," wheezed Bella as she struggled fruitlessly in an attempt to escape Edward's clutches.

"What did you say now, love?" Edward had on an arrogant smirk, the kind he usually wore when he knew he was going to get his way.

"I said.. hahaha.. sorry. Haha, I'm sorry!"

Having had his revenge, Edward rolled off Bella and pulled her up into a sitting position, cradling her against his chest.

"I'm really sorry Edward, do your eyes still hurt?" The question and apology was a quiet whisper as the pair settled down and caught their breath.

Sighing softly, Edward cupped Bella's face tenderly. "Bella, oh sweet Bella. Seriously, only you can cause that kind of havoc this morning! The situation is so frustrating, but amusing at the same time. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how you cope without someone by your side, dear. Well, I've got two things to be thankful for today. The first would be that I'm not fatally blinded by you, thank the heavens for that. The second, I'm probably the only guy you know right now with red and green eyes and that makes me more special, doesn't it?"

Bella dissolved into fresh peals of laughter at hearing Edward's announcement. Burying her face in her hands, she allowed herself to laugh along with him as they enjoyed the drama and droll they had somehow managed to churn up.

Looking up at Edward as her laughter subsided, Bella grinned. Edward had somehow managed to make her feel better again. Snuggling slightly against the man of her affection and dreams, Bella reached for the hot chocolate flasks and held one up for Edward. Edward smiled and took the flask from Bella as he pulled the blankets around them, resting his arm on her slender waist.

They laid like this for awhile in the comfort of silence. She against him, he surrounding her, under the old oak tree… Just like they had every other fall.

_**Basically when I started writing this chapter, I had very little inspiration and could hardly start. But then it was as though the characters knew the way they wanted to be written and they came to live on their own. So this whole scene under the oak tree became far too long and I had to chop it out into two chapters. I shall most likely the next chapter as soon as I refine it. Bella and Edward are the real writers of this story, I'm simply penning down what they want me to say. (;**_

_**P.S: and thanks InweTinuviel… again. I love you so, my dear.**_


	6. Chapter 6: Where the Old Oak Tree Stood

_This is the chapter that became too long! I hope you like it. REVIEW REVIEW! ((: Sorry to leave you all hanging for awhile, but I decided to refine this one by adding more details in. Enjoy!_

_As always, I'm still wishing I can strike the lottery, but no such luck yet. So characters ain't mine, but Stephenie Meyer. _

_And I thought I did share something pretty amusing and true…_

"_**Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty **__**girl**__** for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.**__**"**_

_**-Albert Einstein**_

_***_

_They laid like this for awhile in the comfort of silence. She against him, he surrounding her, under the old oak tree… Just like they had every other fall. _

***

Flocks of birds were flying across the lake and Edward's eyes followed their flight while Bella's eyes were enthralled by his jaded ones. Without warning, Edward glanced down at the bundle in his arms and smiled warmly at Bella.

"Hey stranger. How are you?"

The hushed and caring statement sent Bella's heart working over time. Turning her eyes away from his hypnotizing and dazzling ones, she could feel the heat creeping up and making their way onto her cheeks. Clearing her throat, Bella raised her voice a notch and nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, so we are playing twenty questions now are we, Eddie?" In an attempt to distract her from the tenderness of Edward's question, Bella joked casually. Edward never did like it much when people called him "Eddie".

Breaking into a grin, Edward chuckled and nodded in response to Bella's question.

"Not a bad idea, sweet Isabella. Let's make a spin on things. We can play twenty questions or declarations. Either we answer each other's questions or we make a declaration about the things that happen in the times we are apart. I feel so out of touch with your life. What do you say love?"

"Do I have a choice," grumbled Bella as she repositioned herself in Edward's arms, laying her head against his shoulder so that she could have access to his face easily. The arms that encircled her hips were warm and strong, creating a perfect fit against Bella.

Edward grinned and said, "My first question, love. Is my status as your best friend replaced already by someone you met at Princeton?" Looking down expectantly at Bella, Edward tilted his head and watched her formulate an answer.

Bella's rosy and red lips twitched into a small smile. "Oh yes, Edward. I met ten other guys who are my new besties. They are John, James, Peter, Tom, Harry, Marcus, Victor, Eugene, Sam and Ben. Would you like to meet them?" Bella was sniggering as she counted the names off her finger.

Using his foot to nudge her, Edward whispered softly, "I'm serious, Bells."

"Then the answer is no. Unfortunately, you're still my best friend and I'm still stuck with you." The response that came from Bella made her own heart winced. _Since when had her heart become so unparallel with her mouth?_

Edward on the other hand, took her sarcasm with a pinch of salt and laughed amiably. "So I am still your number one! You're going to be stuck with me for quite awhile love, I'm not letting you go any time soon!" The causal banter and bicker caused a thump in Bella. He had said that he was not going to let her go. _What did that mean?_

"Your turn, Bella," Edward reminded softly.

"Oh err… Am I still your best friend too? Or am I ever your best friend?" babbled Bella nervously as she worked to push the excitement of Edward's answer and slowed the erratic beating of her heart, yet again.

Laughing and leaning against the tree in a relax posture; Edward lifted an arm from Bella's hips to tousle Bell's long locks.

"You're rambling. Am I making you nervous, love," whispered Edward into Bella's ears. The breath tingled sensually at the hollow of her ears again. The hand that had been affectionately ruffling her hair suddenly tapped her nose lightly. "Of course you're my best friend, Bella. How could you even think that you're not? Always will be, never changing."

"_Oh Edward, if you only knew_," thought Bella hopelessly. Everything is changing, the words "best friends" felt like a sting in her heart and a slap on her face. She did not just want to be his best friend. She wanted, **needed** more from him! "_He's never going to realize that, I'm always his best friend… always am, always will_," Bella thought miserably to herself.

Nudging Bella slightly again with the toe of his shoe, he looked at her with questions clearly written on his face. Not giving him a chance to ask, Bella laughed and went on animatedly, "I'm just thinking of my undoubted bad luck and how badly fate is taunting me." Another sting in the heart, another response which she did not mean. "_Why don't I have the courage to tell him how I feel,"_ thought Bella.

***

They shot questions at each other through the day, talking about Edward's medical school in Harvard, Bella's journalism course, the absurd and atypical things she encounter in her interviews and reports, the number of dead bodies he had to work with. Their conversation was constant and flowed freely, just like it usually does. The awkward episode at the start was now forgotten and abandoned.

Edward was eloquent and animated, describing the procedures in the operations he had witnessed, causing Bella to hit him time and again for giving her too many repulsive and nauseating details. Bella laughed heartily and enthusiastically, her troubles and worries temporarily forgotten. She was in the company of her best friend, the man she had grown to love dearly, and it was almost impossible to distant herself away from him, as much as she tried. Even after a year and 204 miles apart, it was as though they never left. He could still make her howl with laughter at a raise of his brows and her heart beating uncontrollably with a flick of his hair, much less his tenderness.

***

Lying down on his stomachs, Edward propped himself up with his elbows and looked down at Bella who lay on her back, her dark brown hair fanning out across the blanket. Smiling slightly, Edward admired the natural beauty beside him. She had grown up so much as compared to the last time he saw her. Long dark chocolate hair, expressive and soulful eyes and the most alluring blend of freesia and strawberries. She had always been a simple girl, but he knew she had a beautiful heart, and that made her beautiful girl.

The sun was setting across the lake and was casting a glowing amber reflection on its surface. The sky overhead was a quaint fuse of orange and cobalt. Turning his focus back to Bella, he called out her name musically.

"I've got two declarations to make Bells. Would you want to hear them?"

"Don't go mysterious on me, Edward. What is it?"

Edward laughed airily and pulled the blanket tighter over them. Moving so that his arm was between Bella's head, he whispered to her.

"You are going to be the first to hear this, but I'm actually considering on changing schools. I still want to study medicine, but I don't feel that Harvard is the best place for me. Don't question me now, Bells. I will tell you more another time."

Edward peered down at the widening of Bella's eyes and smiled.

"Secondly, I have got a surprise for you. Could you come round to my house tomorrow?" Edward was grinning as Bella gaped openly at him.

"Well love, I would love to stay in this position with you forever, but I think Charlie will want you back to start on dinner and I would be keen on avoiding another lecture from Carlisle about premarital sex and breaking innocent girls' hearts."

Without a second word, Edward stood and offered a hand to Bella, pulling her to her feet gently.

"Whoa! Pins and needles!" Bella hopped around on one foot as the tingling sensation coursed down her leg. Laughing at one legged Bella, Edward picked up the remains of their picnic and the blankets before bending over.

"What," asked Bella, staring curiously at Edward who was bent over in front of her.

"Hopped on, sweetie. We need to get home! I'll piggy back you."

***

The last of the evening sunlight was now hidden behind dark grey, brooding clouds. Twilight was here once again, signalling the impending end of another beautiful autumn day and indicating the imminent arrival of night.

Across the meadow, the wind blew soothingly, scattering dandelions as they make their dance in tune to the percussion of the wind. The silhouette of a couple, a tall man carrying his lady on his back, crossing the meadow could be seen from where the old oak tree stood.

_**No offence to all the John, James, Peter, Tom, Harry, Marcus, Victor, Eugene, Sam and Ben**_ _**in the world. My intention was simply to go for common names. (: I've got quite a few good friends with those names myself. So I still do love guys with those names!**_

_**Alright, please keep those reviewing coming in. Until my next update, thanks guys!**_


	7. Chapter 7: Adeline and the Surprise

_**Thanks for all the awesome review! This chapter kinda took awhile longer than I expected because of several reasons. I hope I didn't make you guys wait too long! I initially wrote this chapter in a third person point, but no matter how many times I tried to get it to work, it just wouldn't. So I redo it in BPOV.**_

_**Still no hope in owning Edward and Bella, they rightfully and legally belong to Stephenie Meyer, for whom we have to be eternally grateful to for the birth of these two beautiful characters. **_

_**Please do review, I love them! Enjoy!**_

***

_Across the meadow, the wind blew soothingly, scattering dandelion as they make their dance in tune to the percussion of the wind. The silhouette of a couple, a tall man carrying his lady on his back, crossing the meadow could be seen from where the old oak tree stood._

***

**BPOV:**

"_You're going to be stuck with me for quite awhile love, I'm not letting you go any time soon!" _Edward's rich, velvety voice echoed in the room as he raised his hand to tuck away the strand of hair that had fallen loose. Moving very slowly, as though seducing his prey, he leaned forward and rested his head against my forehead. I could feel his breath just millimetres away from mine; I could feel the heat of his palm through the thin material of my tank top. All I had to do was move an inch forward and his mouth would be on my, and we could be kissing, really kissing. Just as I had mustered all my courage to lean in, a thunder roared and I jumped. Edward shimmered and glowed, and was quickly fading away into the darkness.

"Edward!" Jerking myself upright, I frowned and shook my head to clear the dream. _Stupid thunder_! If it did not happen, then I would be kissing Edward right now, mouth on mouth, hands tangled in his hair. _Stupid, stupid thunder!_

There was a steady pitter-pattering sound bouncing off the roof when I finally gave up trying to return to dreamland and dream Edward's arms. The sun had decided to take a break and instead of magnolia white, fluffy clouds dotting the sky, ominous, brooding ones peppered it instead. The drizzle outside would soon turn into a downpour, it seems. An awesome start to my already 'perfect' day.

I yawned and stretched my arms, trying to recall what I had planned out for the day. Right! I was supposed to go over to Edward's, he had a surprise planned out for me and I was dying to find out. Quickly going about my morning routine and pulling on a pair of black skinny jeans, white T-shirt and turquoise sweater, I bounded into the kitchen for some cereal and orange juice. I was about to head over to the Cullen's' house when I realized that I had forgotten the cookies that I had bought before coming home. The chocolate cookies were Alice's favourite brand while the cinnamon one was for Emmett. The third packet was for the rest of the Cullen, which had become more like my second family to me.

Esme opened the door after a second ring and I all but threw myself at her.

"Esme, I missed you so much! How are you?"

Laughing, Esme pulled me apart and stroked my hair gently; she was like the mother I never had. "Bella, honey! It's so good to see you. I'm good, and by the looks of you, Edward was right. You're getting prettier every year!"

Hearing Esme's compliment, I stood helplessly as the all-knowing blush took over my face. Edward had commented to his mother that I looked prettier. I was possibly basking in happiness. Lifting the cookies to distract myself and Esme from my all telling blush, I handed them to her.

"Here Esme, I bought some cookies from New Jersey for you. Alice's favourite chocolate cookies are in there too."

Taking the bulky bag from me, Esme smiled and thanked me. She turned to make way for me to go in, and that was when I realize that I was not the only guest in the Cullen household. On the couch sat a gorgeous brunette. Although her hair was mahogany, she had golden highlights put in and they caught the light and sparkled every time she turned her head. She was turned towards Edward and was laughing at something that he said, throwing her head back and letting out a musical giggle. Inferiority and mediocre swept over me as I surveyed the scene before me. _Who was this girl? And did this have to do with the surprise Edward had mentioned yesterday?_

I was seriously contemplating on bolting when Edward turned and caught sight of me. Smiling, he stood and offered a hand to the mystery girl. Pulling her by the hand, he came over to where I stood at the door.

"Bella sweetie! We were waiting for you. This is Adeline, my friend from Harvard. She was in town and called in on me this morning."

I composed myself and gave a curt nod and smile while Edward continued with his introductions, unaware of my discomfort and faltering confidence.

"Adeline, this is Isabella, but we just call her Bella. She's my best friend since the stone age."

"Hi Bella, nice to meet you." Heck, even her voice sounded perfectly sweet.

Adeline was a slender beauty with really long toned legs. Her skin was tanned to perfection, and she wore a pair of denim skirt that showed off all her curves, which was definitely much more than mine. "_Please do not let this be his girlfriend-to-be_," I silently prayed while shaking hands with her and crossing my other hand behind my back.

Lunch was a pretty awkward affair in my opinion. I did not know what to say to the beautiful brunette, and she clearly was perfectly content to ignore my existence. Except for the occasional "eat more Bella" from Esme, I kept perfectly quiet, leaning over my bowl and allowing my hair to cover my face. Of course, Esme did a splendid job with lunch, going all out to make some of my favourite food, like the lasagne topped off with extra cheddar cheese for example.

Just as lunch was done and I was ready to make an excuse about not feeling too well and wanting to go home, Edward caught me by my arm and announced to the room, "Ready for your surprise, love?"

Not giving me a chance to answer, Adeline giggled and exclaimed, "Oh, I love surprises Ed! What's this about?" Turning to Adeline, he smiled and gestured to where I was standing. "I've got a surprise for her."

Leading the way to the piano, Edward waved us around the piano where he was seated. It has been almost a year since I last heard Edward play, and I definitely miss the times when he would have me sit beside him while he played complex tunes after tunes, making me guess the themes of the songs. He was a talented musician and had been playing ever since he was four. Placing his longer fingers on the keys, he closed his eyes and began playing.

The music started out loud and tumultuous. The chords seemed to be fighting one another, but as the opening lines faded away, the music began to mellow and the dissonant chords quietened their fights and blend together to form a euphoric piece. I closed my eyes and allowed the waves of the music to engulf me in its magnificent grandeur. I was literally drowning in the mellow, sweet tunes when the piece came to an end with a soft tingle.

Opening my eyes, I felt tears stinging them. Adeline was clapping her hands and hugging Edward by the shoulders, babbling about how gorgeous and talented he was. Edward smiled and stood up to move over to where I stood, rooted to the ground. I knew what that piece had symbolised. The chaotic, melancholy start was like how we used to fight in the beginning, and then it slowed down to a sweeter melody that represented our gradual change. This was a song about our friendship, a song about us, and a surprise for me!

"Bells? What did you think?" The question was barely a whisper as he observed my reaction.

Unable to help myself, even with a stranger present, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a hug.

"Oh Edward, you wrote a song for me! About us. I understood it, it's so beautiful. It's like us fighting and disagreeing and then it changes into something lighter and more melodic, like us now. Oh, Edward!" I couldn't help the tears that were flowing freely. It was not every day of my life that the man whom I was madly in love with presented me his composition of my very own piece of music.

"I named it Bella's lullaby. I'm glad you love it, Bells." I felt the smile on his lips as he pressed them against my head. The moment would have been perfect, if Adeline hadn't intruded then.

"Edward," she called while tugging on his arm, "do I get my own piece too?" The smile which she offered had the ability to dazzle as well. Pausing slightly, Edward smiled and returned to his Baby Grand, playing out a softer, relax tune this time. A tune which I was very sure he learnt many years ago. Laughing, he answered, "This one is yours."

I occupied myself with thoughts of Edward and the things which he had done and said in the last two days. This man had composed a tune for me, and by the way he played it, it knew he had the notes in his mind, familiarised and perfected. Bella's lullaby was a beautiful creation that represented us, a creation that he had put his heart and mind into, and my heart swelled with happiness at the thought of that. _Bella's lullaby._ Just saying the name caused a flutter in my heart.

Meanwhile, somewhere in reality Adeline swooned and crooned about how beautiful the music was, I could not help but raise my brows behind her back.

The tune was actually "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" played in a lower key; with the addition of several accompany chords!

***

_**My past few days have been a bit chaotic and this chapter has been delayed again, and again. I hope you like it! Do review please!**_

_**P.S: I used the name Adeline, instead of Tanya, because of a personal reference. I was felt myself relating to Bella. (: REVIEW!**_


	8. Chapter 8: Something Ripping

_**SPOILERS: This chapter contains agony and hurt. **_

_It took me quite awhile to write it once again and I hope it isn't to angsty for you! Bear with me, this part is essential for the rest of my story to unfold. (:_

_Bella & Edward belong to Stephenie Meyer, as do the rest of the twilight saga characters._

_Do review please, it keeps me going!_

"_**And think not you can guide the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, shall guide your course."**_

_**-Anonymous**_

_***_

_Meanwhile, somewhere in reality Adeline swooned and crooned about how beautiful the music was, I could not help but raise my brows behind her back. _

_The tune was actually "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" played in a lower key; with the addition of several accompany chords!_

***

**BPOV:**

What's the most painful thing that has ever happened to you? Was it the time when you were seven and fell off the bike, resulting in a broken limp? Or was it the time when you were sixteen and your first crush broke up with you, leaving you broken and empty?

Up till tonight, mine most painful encounter was perhaps the day I broke my leg when I fell off the stairs and crashed right through a window while chasing Edward around the house. But now, as I sit here… way past midnight, staring at the portentous, dark and cloudy night skies, feeling the wind whipping against me ruthlessly, I feel a new kind of pain; a pain beyond the physical aspect. If I thought that having my leg broken and feeling the pain all the way down to my bones was agony, then this has to be the ultimate torture. I am not bleeding, I have not broken any bones, but something is shredded and torn, and the pain I feel goes beyond my bones, into my heart and soul.

It's the worst kind of pain and sadness that one can experience. It's when the one you love is right in front of you, and you try and reach for it, but he does not belong to you.

***

Four hours earlier, Edward had bounded through my balcony doors after sending Adeline back to the hotel she was staying in.

"Hey Bells, guess who I saw on my way back?" His emerald eyes were glistening with laughter, as though he had been laughing the entire drive home.

"Gee Edward, I don't know. The president, maybe? Or was it Marilyn Monroe that you met?"

Edward raised his eyebrows and wrinkled his nose. "Ha-ha, Bella. Marilyn Monroe is dead, sweetie. So unless she's reincarnated or maybe a zombie, I don't think I'm going to have any chances of meeting her. And the president doesn't live around here either, that joke of yours isn't even funny." I shrugged and glanced at him, asking him who he met on the way.

Laughing, Edward took a few steps and plonked himself dramatically on my bed, settling himself comfortably on the pillows and kicking off his Converse sneakers. Drawing up his arms and tucking them under his head, he turned his head and glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"Guess Bella, guess! It would not be funny if you didn't give it a shot." I opened my mouth to argue that I had already given him two guesses, but before I could get a word in, Edward continued briskly, "And no, love. The president and Marilyn Monroe are not guesses, they are sarcasm." Edward was smirking as he watched my mouth opened to argue my point, but close again in defeat. It really was not use arguing with him. He had the ability to dazzle and plead with me by turning his on his puppy dog look, so naturally it was really pointless.

"I give up, Edward. Who did you meet?"

Frowning slightly, Edward looked at me with a penetrative stare. "Jacob Black, Bella. I met Jacob."

I flinched lightly at the name. Jacob Black had been friends with Edward and me since pretty young. We went to the same school, and he was even in some of the same classes as me. Jacob liked me more than just as friends and he did not hesitate to let the people around him knew. Back in high school, where everyone knew everyone else, the news spread around pretty fast and almost the whole school knew of Jacob's "unrequited love" for me. He would stare at me in class and caused Goosebumps to stand every time I caught him looking. It was a little intimidating, and for a lack of a better term, freaky. Even when we left high school behind, Jacob announced at prom that he still liked me and would remember me. The gesture was touching, as it was inconsiderate.

Jacob was one of the few people who knew of my feelings towards Edward, along with Alice and Rosalie. When Jacob had questioned me about it last year, I was hesitant to admit, but in the end I thought it was best that he knew I could not return his feelings, when I harvested the very same ones that he held for me, in Edward. Jacob had been a gentleman and wished me all the best with Edward or Eddie as he calls him. Jacob had gone to another college in Seattle and we had lost contact over the year while I was at Princeton.

"Bella?" Edward's voice brought me back to the present and I turned my head to look at the piece of art lying on the bed beside me. He had a sceptical look and his eyebrows were raised. "Dreaming of your prince, Bella?"

I shook my head to answer his question and clear my thoughts. "What did you guys talked about then, Edward?" I asked Edward in return, hoping to distract him and find out if Jacob had unintentionally leaked of my feelings for Edward.

"It was pretty brief. I was at the store and my car was parked out, so we could not talk for long. He did however, mentioned that he missed you. What do you have to say about that huh, love?"

_Jacob missed me._ Was Edward affected by it? I badly wanted to know, but my timid nature held me back. Trying to remove the spotlight on me, I grinned and stuck my tongue out at Edward.

"Excuse me, mister. Are you interrogating me now? I haven't even asked you about Adeline yet! So, how did you guys meet? She came all the way up here just to meet you, didn't she? No offence, but she sure doesn't look like she would have any business in this town." I asked haughtily and turned to look at Edward for his answer.

The look that he gave me was a deep, searching look. He was quiet for awhile, as though he was thinking about something. Silence settled in for a minute or two, and then Edward cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice was softer and silkier, his eyes staring at a spot on my comforter.

"I told you Bells, she goes to Harvard. I met her in the library during one of my study sessions and she was having a hard time locating a particular book. I helped her and got talking from there. She studies design, so I hardly meet her actually. The next time we met was at a party hosted by one of the student welfare leaders. She was ambushed by a few guys and I rescued her from them, so in the end, we left the party together, and went to a nearby park to talk. We would meet for lunch or dinner every now and then. I don't know what she's in town for though, Bella. And why do you judge?"

I listened quietly, not knowing how I should answer him. He shot me a look filled with questions and curiosity. Turning my eyes away from his emerald ones, I leaned myself against the headboard of the bed and twisted the blanket in my fist absentmindedly. When I did not respond a minute later, Edward sighed.

"Bella, I'm pretty confused. Adeline is a great girl and she has lots of personality, she's fun and sometimes I feel like we could hit it off together."

Turning his green eyes on my frozen sculpture briefly, he shot me another one of his penetrating look, as though he was trying to read my mind.

Something in me froze as I registered his words, "I feel like we could hit it off together." When I had chosen not to reveal my feelings to Edward, I knew I was already risking losing him as a lover to some other lucky girl, but I had not expected that day to arrive so soon. Just a day ago, my heart was basking in happiness and glowing because Edward wanted me around him. But tonight, I felt numb.

"Are you saying you like her?" The voice that spoke was not mine. It was frozen and cracking as it spoke the simple question. I needed a confirmation. As Edward contemplated his answer, I felt my heart beating faster. I was terrified to know his answer, and yet anxious.

"Yes, Bella. I think I do."

The blood in my veins froze in that instant. Somewhere deep inside of me, I felt something ripped. He liked her. I was never more than a friend, never could be more. The pain I felt cruising through my body was excruciating as I stared mutely into his green eyes. I saw Edward's mouth moving and registered only fragments of what he spoke.

"… she knows how to make me laugh…" _I knew how to make him laugh too, or at least I thought I did. All the times we had spent, I thought he was happy._

"I feel like she understands me…" _I understood him! Did I? Why then, do I not know what is going on in his mind?_

"… she's beautiful, what any guy would want." _Beautiful, a word not associated with me. And Edward was the definition of an Adonis, imperfection in perfection. What do I even account for beside him?_

"Maybe we're meant to be together…" _Together is a word not meant for me and him. Together, Edward and I could only be best friends. Never more, never less._

In that moment, I was positive that whatever that was ripped inside of me, was now broken. And I began to laugh. Hysterically, bitterly… sardonically.

"Oh Edward, if you like her, then you have to make sure you do not let her slip out of your fingers. Trust me, **I'm your best friend.** Go for it!"

Yes, I was Edward's best friend. I had been his best friend since eight years old, and at eighteen, I was still his best friend. Nothing between us had changed, except maybe my feelings. The smile on my face felt like plastic, as though someone had purposefully carved it onto my skin when I said it. _**Best friends.**_ I hated the two words, but above all I hated my weakness and the pain that was consuming me.

I'm not quite sure when Edward eventually left. Perhaps when I closed my eyes and let the pain consume me in its fiery pits. I heard the balcony door clicked close, heard the light thump as he landed safely on his own balcony. Pushing myself off the bed where Edward had just laid, I stared at it, tears brimming from my eyes. Somewhere, a dam had been destroyed and they were gushing madly, the pain needing an outlet to be relief.

***

This was the point of no return, and this was my first sleepless night. I had learnt my first lesson in love, that even if I had chosen to give love up, the tears that flowed to my heart were still bitter.

Somewhere on the horizon, the skies were slowly lighting up. From where I sat on the balcony, I heard birds from the across the meadow calling out to their mates. _I had lost mine_. From where I sat on the balcony, I saw a wife waving to her husband from the door, as he drove away to work, anticipating his return in the evening. I was waving my love away with that plastic, craved smile, watching him go, never returning.

I felt something cold fall. Big, fat raindrops were falling from the heavens.

Closing my eyes, I gave in to the pain, allowing the cold rain to wash over me and numb my sorrows, or drown me in the overwhelming pain.

I finally found out what had ripped. _It was my heart._

_***_

_**I'm feeling a little emotional now, after writing this. I think I need my hot chocolate and chocolate treats! (: so feed me yours too, by reviewing, of course! THANKS!**_


	9. Chapter 9: We're home!

_**I feel so bad for making Bella so sad in the last chapter! So I decided to allow Bells to have some fun amidst the heartbreak. Alice fans, here she comes! I, too, adore Alice's quirky ways as much as everybody else!**_

_**All characters are Stephenie Meyer's, including Edward whom I really want to claim as my own.**_

_**Enjoy girl bonding time & review!!!**_

***

_Closing my eyes, I gave in to the pain, allowing the cold rain to wash over me and numb my sorrows, or drown me in the overwhelming pain. _

_I finally found out what had ripped. It was my heart._

***

**BPOV:**

I was not sure how long I sat in the cold, numbing rain out on my balcony. But when I finally opened my eyes again, I had heard the engine roar of Charlie's cruiser fading away down the street. The curtains behind the balcony doors at Edward's were still drawn and from where I sat, the lights were still out.

A gust of cold, northern wind swept passed and I shivered immensely. I was soaked from head to toe. My top was plastered to my body and my shorts were heavy from all the rain water it had soaked up. Sighing, I turned and went back into my room, getting ready to shower and perhaps, hide indoors today, to avoid the reason behind my heartache. Pizza and hot chocolate and a good book could conceivably be a decent remedy for heartache.

I stepped into the shower and peeled of the wet clothes, turning on the shower and leaned my head against the cold tiles of the wall, waiting for the water to warm up. _**Cold.**_ The tiles were cold, as was my heart. And the water that beat down on my back was still chilling, the shower taking longer than usual today to heat up. The coldness of everything was such an irony, as it was a mockery.

When the water finally heated up a good five minutes later, I raised my face towards the shower and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. The hot water rained down on me, and it was refreshing after my 'nap' out in the rain_. No, I shall not think about that again_. Shaking my head to clear the thoughts of the previous night, I returned my attention to my shower, trying to focus solely on the task of lathering my strawberry shampoo into my hair and scrubbing every inch of skin with the freesia smelling body wash I adore. The familiar scents slowed my heart down as the calming aroma took over momentarily, blocking out all thoughts of him and my broken heart.

It was only so much a hot shower could do to heal a broken heart. Half an hour later, I slipped on my most oversized black hoodie and a pair of boxer shorts, before heading downstairs for breakfast. I poured the cereal into a bowl and glanced out the window, the sound of overflowing cereal jerked me out of my trance, as I quickly sat the box down and bend to salvage the mess. Everything that I was doing seemed to be a routine, as though it was engineered into me to do what I was doing. Sitting down at the kitchen table, I picked up my spoon and scooped the cereal into my mouth. Lower spoon, scoop, eat, chew, lower spoon, scoop, eat, chew… I lost track of what I ate, the food into my mouth tasted like dry tissue.

When I could eat no more, I tossed the remainder into the bin and trudged back upstairs, retreating back into my shell. Placing the cup of hot chocolate on my bedside table, I curled up with my sheets and picked up the tattered copied of Wuthering Heights from the shelf, allowing myself to get caught up in Catherine and Heathcliff's tragic love story. Unable to read about how they loved each other but did not end up together, I skipped the book forward, stopping when I caught a glimpse of the line "The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her!" Like Heathcliff, everything around me reminds me of my best friend. _**Best friend**_. There's that word again. The two, dreadful, ironical and mocking words! My thoughts were inconsolable and incontrollable, as my eyes drifted to take in the surroundings of my room.

_My blanket_… He was carrying my violet blanket when I mistook him for a thief and peppered spray him.

_My sheets_… wasn't he just sitting right here with me a few hours ago?

_My pillow_… He often laid here with me while we talked for hours.

_My table_… He used to tutor me in Mathematics when we were younger and I was always flunking Math. There was a part of him in everything around me, and a part of my heart that had been ripped when he had opened his mouth and confessed his love for another in his velvety, rich voice.

***

The ringing of my doorbell punctuated with an incessant knocking, or rather, banging on the door jolted me from my reminiscences, and lugged me back into the present. Pushing the comforter off me, I padded downstairs barefooted and hurried to open the door before someone actually bulldozed it over with their urgent sounding knocking and ringing.

"BELLA!" A loud voice boomed and before I could register what was happening, I was swept into a tight hug against a broad chest.

"My turn, my turn. Put her down!" Before I was placed firmly back on my feet, I was turned three hundred sixty degrees and was almost mowed over by a jumping pixie.

"Bella, oh, Bella! You haven't change at all! I miss you, I miss you, and oh, oh, I'm home, Bells! I'm home, at last!"

I blinked at the sight before me, looking at the excited faces before my brain finally generate a response.

Alice! Alice Cullen and all her five feet magical appeal was home. Behind her, Emmett Cullen stood grinning and laughing at me. And behind him, Jasper and Rosalie waved their hellos. Everyone was finally back!

Unable to oppress the emotions- _happiness, anxiety, excitement, hurt, sadness, longing, pain_, that were surging through me, I burst into tears. The newly constructed dam had once again let loose, and I was pouring myself out in front of my good buddies. Emmett and Jasper stared at me as though I had grown three heads and a pair of wings while Rosalie pushed past her 'monkey man' towards my porch.

"Bella! Oh, Bells. This was definitely not the reaction I anticipated from you! Honey, I miss you too!" Alice cooed at me while she and Rosalie pulled me into a tight hug and stroked my hair affectionately. I had not realize how much I miss their company when I had been looking forward to seeing Edward all this time, and I felt guilt added to my list of growing emotions.

We stood and hug for awhile, the boys coming over to join the group hug while I hiccupped and sniffed at the unexpected reunion. When we finally broke apart, I looked up into the smiling faces of Jasper and Emmett who ruffled my hair in a sisterly fashion and cracked a smile for them. Turning to meet the topaz eyes of Alice, I met her frowning gaze instead.

"Bella, have you not slept for days? You look horrible! Those bags under your eyes are hideous, and you looked like you just broke up, which is impossible, since your letter did not mention anything about a boyfriend…"

Damn! My tear ducts started to water again when Alice mentioned about a break up. Rosalie, who was usually less affectionate with me, noticed the tears welling in my lifeless brown eyes and nudged Alice. Taking me by the arm, Rosalie pushed me towards the den and all five of them sat around me.

"What is it, Bella? What did he do now?" Alice asked fiercely, as she threw her arms around me in a protective stance.

"Yeah Bells, what did that brother of mine did this time round?" It was Emmett that spoke and I could not help but smile shakily at their protective instincts for me when it came down to the Edward situation, which they had all found out when Alice accidentally spilled the beans last year.

Where should I even start to explain my situation? Shrugging slightly, I hunched my shoulders and told them briefly about the meeting with Adeline, the lullaby and then the talk about Edward's meeting with Jacob that led to his ultimate confession.

"I swear, Bella, that Edward is not related to me. Esme must have picked him out of a rubbish chute, or maybe they picked up the wrong kid from the hospital. How could he be so dense? We seriously need to converse with him and get something into that thick skull of his!" Emmett was frowning and cracking his knuckles as he said it, while Jasper nodded in agreement.

"That was mean, Em. You promised me before that you wouldn't tell him. You won't talk to him about it will you?"

"But Bella, can you bear to lose him to some other girl he barely knows?" Jasper said this quietly, looking at me with his calming eyes while the others turned their attention to me.

"Yeah, Bella. I agree with Jas. If you don't tell him, I will. I'm not sitting around and watching my good friend get hurt by my dim-witted brother!" Alice was nodding her head vigorously as she tightened her arms around me.

I shook my head forcefully and stood up, clearing my throat before I flashed a smile at them.

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate what you guys are doing for me, and I know where you're coming from! But this isn't entirely his fault, I did not tell him about my feelings either. You all made a promise to me that you wouldn't spill my secret to him, and I'm holding everyone to their promises, okay? I will be fine. Honest, I feel better already!"

I was about to continue when I saw Alice and Rosalie's looks of disbelief, but then the famous impish grin of Alice lit up her face and she jumped up beside me.

"Okay, I promise I won't say a thing, and so will the others, right guys?" Alice called out to the group and one by one they nodded their head, although Emmett was the last, and did so grumpily. Satisfied that she had everyone's promises, Alice turned to me and continued.

"But I'm not taking this sitting down Bella. You need to go out for some fresh air, and not sit around in your room with your books." I opened my mouth to argue with her but she cupped her palm against my lips and pressed on.

"You don't need to protest Bella, I know you well enough. You were probably upstairs, reading of one your sad classics and thinking about him. You need to get out of the house Bella. No arguments, I've decided. I'm taking you on a shopping spree. Heartbreaks should always be a reason for retail therapy, though not the only one. Rosalie, what do you say?"

Throughout her speech, Alice kept her palm firmly on my lips, not allowing me to contribute a word into the decision. Rosalie, who was like Alice in terms of girly habits, gracefully rose from her seat, and nodded her head, sending her golden curls back.

"She's right Bella, you can't be cooped at home. We're taking you out!"

Pleased with Rosalie's backup and my inability to refuse, Alice bounced on her toes excitedly and told the guys to bring their luggage back to the Cullen home first, while Rose and her dragged me by the arms, in all my unkempt glory, over as well.

***

_**I'm breaking up this chapter into two parts again. Bella is held hostage by Alice and Rosalie, and you know what that usually means! Girl bonding time in the horizons, aren't you excited? Of course, Edward isn't from the rubbish chute nor is he dim-witted! That was just for drama. (:**_

_**Reviews, reviews please!**_


	10. Chapter 10: Little Blessings in Disguise

_**Presenting to my lovely readers, chapter 10!!!! I never expected to make it this far! This experience has been awesome, thanks to the reviews and PMs! (: **_

_**I need suggestions for upcoming chapters, and I would love to hear from all of you. Read my note at the end of the chapter and help me out, aye? **_

_**And to **__**Emmett's Best Girl**__**: Your reply inspired the ending of this chapter! I love your best friends too! I'm a fan!**_

_**As per always, characters belong to... Yes. Stephenie Meyer.**_

***

_Pleased with Rosalie's backup and my inability to refuse, Alice bounced on her toes excitedly and told the guys to bring their luggage back to the Cullen home first, while Rose and her dragged me by the arms, in all my unkempt glory, over as well._

***

**BPOV:**

It is one thing when you're being towed by the arms through the front door of the Cullen house, but it's another matter when Carlisle and Esme are there and laughing at my plight, and probably my hair that was sticking out in all directions. To add salt to my wounded pride, the subject of my heartache stood on the side of the stairway chuckling and shaking his bed head, letting his sister passed with me stumbling pathetically up the stairs behind her.

"Whoa, easy going, love! Don't break anything on the stairs alright?" Edward laughed and patted my arm while I made the attempt to stagger up the stairs without dislocating my right arm that Alice had a death grip on and to shoot an annoyed stare in Edward's direction.

When I was safely placed in front of the confinements of Alice's dresser in her room, I knew my fate was sealed. I was destined to be having a makeover, courtesy of Alice and Rosalie, while they played Barbie with me.

Alice walked out of her walk-in wardrobe and brought out a garment bag. Tossing me a towel, she smiled her mischievous pout, pointed to the connecting toilet and called out, "March Bella, take a good nice soak. I want you clean and free from traces of having been moping around. Get moving, unless you want me to come in there and do it for you myself?"

I gave her a half-hearted glare and resigned to my fate. If I were a scholar and needed to deal with the likes of Alice, I would have come up with such a phrase- **Never mess with the kitty.** Don't get me wrong, I love Alice, but when she wants something done in her way, no one stops her. Not even a _bulldozer_.

When I was freshly out of the shower, Alice immediately came bounding towards me from her spot beside the colossal full length mirror. She had changed into a pair of shorts while I was taking my shower and was laying out the equipments and tools I presumed was needed for my makeover.

"I'm going to make you so pretty, that Edward's jaw will drop and realise what he's missing, right Rose?"Alice declared as Rosalie walked in through the door, having changed into an azure off-shoulder dress, paired with tights and a pair of ankle boots.

Rosalie smiled as she caught my eyes in the reflection of the mirror. She handed a set of hair products and a styling iron to Alice who laid them on the dresser. Pushing me onto the chair, Alice got about brushing my hair, tugging and pulling them as she worked her nimble fingers through the tangled locks. Rosalie settled herself in front of me and started working on my face; plucking my brows, applying mascara while I tried my best not to tear, and all the other products which Alice commanded as essentials.

An hour later, I was dressed in a white skirt that fell to an inch or two above my knees. A stripped, navy blue cashmere top that gave a generous view of my collarbone, and a pair of black ballet flats finished the look. The girl in the mirror had a head of brown curls that fell back perfectly in place, and a slight twinge of the pearl eye shadow highlighted the hollow of her eyes. Her lips were, if I may say so, kissable and very glossy. I had to admit, Alice and Rosalie had done a great job and I beamed my thanks to them.

While Alice went and changed her outfit, I sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. Rosalie took a seat beside me and smiled encouragingly.

"You look awesome, Bella, I'm sure if Edward saw you, he would be shocked. Have confidence, little sis. Confidence is always the key to beauty, look at Alice and you should know. The little pixie is filled with a hundred tonnes of energy and oozes confidence. Smile and throw your shoulders back, you can have Edward falling at your feet too!"

I grinned appreciatively at Rosalie, she seldom say much to me, but today, she was making me feel the advantages of having an elder sister- A gorgeous, blond sister.

"I heard about the pixie remark! But I'm feeling charitable. Come on ladies, I can't wait to see how everyone reacts to Bella! She's already gorgeous before, but right now, she's definitely the definition of the word beauty."

Laughing and linking my arms through theirs, I followed them out the room and walked carefully down the stairs. I did not want to spoil my entrance after all they did for me by spraining my ankle, or worse, breaking it.

Whistles and an appreciative "_Woo_" filled the room as we stepped in. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were in there playing video games, looking up I followed Alice's lead into the room.

"Is that Bella Swan who lives next door? Wow, you look amazing! Not as great as Rosalie, but very good!"Emmett laughed as he gave me a high five. Jasper gave an appreciative grin as he called out, "Hey gorgeous Bella!"

I was very appreciative of my good friends right then. They were going all out to make me feel good and I was starting to feel it. I stole a glance at Edward's direction from the corner of my eyes, and saw him staring at me, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly as he swallowed.

"Hey Eddie, what do you think? Doesn't Bella look hot?" Emmett teased as he nudged Edward in the ribs. The blush that spread across my face was involuntarily, and I sneaked another look at Edward. He shot Emmett a look of irritation, but when he turned back to me, he flashed my favourite crooked grin.

"Oh Bells, you look beautiful." The statement was soft and I had to strain my ears to hear it, but I was very certain that he had used the word beautiful. _Not hot, not gorgeous, but __**beautiful.**_

***

We eventually left the Cullen's and piled into the Alice's most extravagant purchase, her yellow Porsche, for the drive to the mall.

The Porsche pulled away from the garage and sped down the street, as I sat on the backseat, quiet and still basking in the feeling of being called beautiful. The car was quiet and I was enjoying the comfortable silence, when I saw Rosalie flashing me a look of curiosity. Almost by instincts I scooted backwards on my seat and glanced at her warily.

"So Bella, you did mention something about a lullaby right?" Alice was grinning at me through the mirror as Rosalie began to push for details on the lullaby. I was never very comfortable telling others about my romantic life, or lack thereof. But I found myself spilling so much more in the car.

I told them about our time by the oak tree, and when I got to the part about Edward's declaration of wanting me around, the girls were having a debate about what it means.

"Alice, I'm very sure that means something. That has to mean something! I don't even hear Emmett saying that sort of words to me! And they are brothers! So it has to mean something!"

"I'm not so sure Rose. Edward and Bella's relationship had always been that way. A peck here and there, relentless teasing, mushy talks and a whole load of hugs. It's not exactly any surprise that Edward would say something like that to Bella."

"But it's not normal for guys to say that either..."

"Rose, when we are talking about those two, normalcies isn't exactly in the context. I have never believed in pure, unadulterated friendship between the two different sexes. Much more, Bella, back there, is completely and irrevocably in love with my dim-witted, daft brother. What kind of friendship is that?"

Their bicker continued while I sat with my mouth agape, staring at them.

"Hello?! Alice! Rosalie! Am I invisible? I'm physically and literally behind your backs, but that doesn't mean you guys should pretend I don't exist and talk about me behind my back! Don't I get a say in this?"

"No!" My answer came in the form of giggles and laughter while Rosalie turned around to shoot me a smirk. I stuck my tongue out at her childishly and reached forward to punch Alice on the shoulder playfully.

"I swear, you drive me crazy, pixie!"

The ride to the mall ended when Alice laughed and pulled into the parking lot, signalling the end of our girl talk as well.

Alice and Rosalie stood beside me and linked my arm with theirs, while they held m e captive and dragged me round the store, picking up different articles of clothes as they went. A saleswoman even came forward and handed them a huge trolley, which Rosalie navigated expertly with one hand while she and Alice clung on to me. Eventually, they brought me to a large dressing room with a three way mirror and pushed me through the door, handing me different pieces while I tried them on and stepped out for them to give their verdict. Alice and Rosalie sorted the clothes into four piles. The first being the 'Bella-needs-this pile', the second and third pile belonging to Alice and Rosalie when they picked up the clothes they wanted and the last pile was the discarded one. I stripped and tried on clothes for the next hour and a half, and by the end of it, I could no longer differentiate cashmere from silk, and cotton from wool.

The girls howled in laughter as I finally stepped out of the dressing room, back in my own clothes, a look of exhaustion clearly illustrated on my face as I hunched my shoulders and gave them my best pitiful, "_please-no-more-dress-Bella-the-Barbie_" look.

Alice arranged my curls carefully for me and gave my shoulders a squeeze as Rosalie navigated our teeming trolley towards the cashier. It had been quite awhile since my last spree and Rosalie clearly had a way to persuade me to put my credit card to use. She was snickering and grinning triumphantly as I passed the card to the cashier, looking like a gangster that had just successfully extorted money, and I told her so.

"Me, a gangster? Bella Swan!"

That earned me a smack on my arm from Rosalie. Alice laughed and knighted Rose with a knee length boot that she wanted, bestowing the title of "**Gangster Rosalie**" on her. Rosalie moved to punch her, but Alice who was petite, hid herself behind me while Rosalie tried to grab a hold on her. The cashier, a woman in her late forties, looked on with mild amusement and growing annoyance and cleared her throat loudly.

When we had finally exited the store with two bags each, I was prepared to call it a day and go home back to my room. Apparently, they had other plans.

"Listen Bells, retail therapy is of one the ways to ease the pain of a broken heart..." Alice never got to finish her sentence as Rosalie laughed and cut her off.

"...But there are two guys you should meet! They are the best healers in the department ever, Bella. And we're bringing you to meet them!"

I stared at Rosalie and gave her a smouldering look, refusing to move an inch as Alice tried to drag me forward.

"Taking me shopping is one thing, girls. But I'm not going on some match making session or blind date! You all know how I feel about Edward! I can't possibly go meet other guys while my heart is with someone else!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me and turned to Alice, clearly choosing to ignore me, the way they did in the car.

"She's incredible. Here we are, having fun and she gives us a lecture about her feelings for Eddie dear and ignoring our good deeds. What do you say Alice, shall we go ahead?"

"Why, of course Rose! No healing is complete without those guys."

Before I could retort, I was once again taken hostage and dragged by the arms across the mall, my moans and complaints falling on deaf ears.

"Listen guys, we can't..."

Alice began to hum a song.

"Rose, I can't go..."

Rosalie started to recite the pledge.

Before long we stood before a brightly lit stall and Alice grinned at me victoriously.

"Ta-daaa..."She sang as she pointed to the stall.

"Meet the guys and our best friends, Bells," announced Rosalie as both the girls fell apart, giggling hysterically.

_**Ben and Jerry. **_

_I should have known!_ I laughed along with them as we entered the ice-cream parlour hand in hand, thoughts of Edward and my painful heart tossed out the window...at least temporarily.

***

_**Alright! I hope I didn't disappoint your expectations for our girl bonding times. I reedited it at least thirteen times, before I'm satisfied with it! The Ben and Jerry idea came from **__**Emmett's Best Girl's**__** review to me! THANKS! ((:**_

_**And on to the suggestion I need from every one of you: **__**What kind of Christmas Present should Bella give Edward?**__** Drop me a PM me and let me know your ideas (putting your ideas on the review might give it away to readers), I'll of course give you due credit and my greatest gratitude when that chapter eventually comes out. I'm guessing that it's about 3 to 4 chapters away, so do let me know! THANKS!**_

_**Of course, review too!!!**_

_**Xoxo.**_


	11. Chapter 11: Overtaking Confusion

_**First of all, I APOLOGIZE!! Really, my days are pretty filled, and then somewhere along these days some stuff happened and I got delayed in my writing again, but I'm here now! So read and enjoy this chapter! REVIEWS are love! ((:**_

**Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.  
- Cathy Carlyle**

***

_I should have known! I laughed along with them as we entered the ice-cream parlour hand in hand, thoughts of Edward and my painful heart tossed out the window...at least temporarily._

***

**BPOV:**

When the yellow Porsche eventually pulled up at the Cullen's garage, my feet were aching badly and my arms felt like I had been to the gym and worked out for four hours. No wonder they say shopping helps women all over the world get rid of their excess calories!

Esme had called us while Alice and Rosalie were contemplating which stores to tackle next, saving me and my battled feet the hassle of another round of "Barbie Bella". Esme had graciously cooked us dinner, and wanted to invite me over as well, since Charlie would be working late again, needing to cover his sick partner's shift. The girls had decided that Esme's cooking was a better trade than more shopping and we had headed straight back after the call.

As I stepped out of Alice's baby, I noticed that it was still drizzling. The sky was still overcast, in a sombre grey and the horizons were dark, the sun rays masked by the clouds. Another twilight, the end of another day.

Jasper came out and greeted us before Alice flung herself into his arms, giving him a kiss on the lips as she retold the story of our shopping spree to him. Jasper good-naturedly picked up her shopping bags and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her into the warm house.

Behind me, Emmett had sneaked up to surprise Rosalie, and the shopping bags laid at their feet, temporarily forgotten, as Rosalie locked her lips with Emmett's, lost in their heated passion. _Ah, what separation can do to some couples!_

Glancing at the happy couples around me, I felt out of place. I had never notice before that every one of them were coupled up. Alice had Jasper, Rosalie had Emmett, and before today, I thought I had Edward. But now, as I looked at them, I felt a tug in my heart. Maybe it was envy, maybe it was admiration. _I wanted to be in a relationship too!_ Not just any relationship, but one with my beloved. I let out a soft sigh, and watch the mist escape from my breath. Keeping my eyes averted to the ground so that I need not torture myself from all the unhidden passion of my friends, I walked to the side door to get out of the garage and into the house.

"Ouch! Owwww…." I could not help the whine and yelp that escape when I found myself banging head first into something hard. Rubbing my nose, I frowned and looked up into a smirking face. Edward.

"Hey Bells, had fun shopping?" He was clearly in a good mood, chuckling as he asked. Without waiting for my reply, he stooped to take the shopping bags from me, lifting them effortlessly with one hand, while I rubbed my painful nose. Edward turned to walk into the house, shooting me an amused look in the process. He smiled wider, and bent down so that our heads were levelled, his perfect teeth gleaming white.

The green emeralds that met mine were playful and teasing, but still striking and breathe-taking at the same time. His face was just inches from mine, and I felt fireworks shot through my body. Automatically, I held my breath and closed my eyes, feeling Edward's warm minty breath on my cheeks. _Is he going to kiss me? Should he be kissing me!?_ As a million thoughts ran through my cluttered mind, I felt his free hand cupped my cheek and then…

"Edward! That hurts! What was that about?!!"

Edward was grinning like a Cheshire cat, laughing as he ruffled my hair and made his way into the house. _**He had pinched my nose**_! As much as I wanted to complain, I could not help the fluttering in my heart. Even in my broken state, he still had the power to make my heart race and beat rapidly. Only he had that power, only Edward could do that to me. I sighed in defeat at the irony of my situation and followed his lead.

***

Dinner is never a simple affair at the Cullen's. Esme had prepared steaks for us, a specialty of hers. The meat was tender and juicy, cooked to perfection, and served with baked potatoes. Carlisle had gone to his cellar and dug out a bottle of 1983 Chateau Latour Pauillac red wine, one of his many expensive, antique collections.

The plates were finally cleared and we had all gathered back and settled in the living room, where a movie was playing, when Alice bounded elatedly into the room, waving a cream envelope in the air.

"Everyone, look, look!"

"What's that love?" Jasper was the first to respond to her while it took a moment for us to register Alice's excitement.

"It's an invite for our high school reunion! They are having a carnival and all past year students are cordially welcome to return and visit! It's called a homecoming. This is so exciting; we get to go and see how others look like now, and catch up with our pals. I can't wait to go!"

I looked from Alice eager face to the letter that she was waving around and recoiled a little at the thought of going for the homecoming. Back in high school, I was the plain Jane, the one people raised their eyebrows at when they saw me sitting at the same lunch table with Edward, the school's smartest student and one of the best jocks. I was not eager to meet up with Jessica and Sarah, the popular girls who tormented me restlessly about being Edward's best friend.

"Bella, you are going right?"

Alice had apparently caught the look of distaste on my face, and was now turning her attention to me, effectively tossing me into the spotlight. I cringed slightly, feeling like a helpless child tossed into an undercurrent. Knowing she wanted an answer, I wrinkled my eyebrows and shook my head slightly.

"Bella love, why don't you want to go? All of us are going and it would be nice to go visit the place we spent so many of our waking hours at back in those days, don't you think? It could be fun!" Edward was giving me his puppy face and I raised my eyebrows slightly.

"Yes, Bella. It would not be the same if you didn't go with us. Even Emmett and Rosalie who graduated three years ago are going, and you just graduated a year ago. Come on, say you will come."

As I mulled over whether to go or not, I vaguely saw Rosalie nudging Alice on the shoulder and questioning her about the "three years ago" comment. Rosalie claimed that Alice was indirectly calling her old, and Alice was bowing to Rosalie, hailing her "_Old Gangster Rose_". Everyone was in high spirits as they joked and laughed at the new nickname.

I felt a tug on my sleeve and looked up into a sea of green. Edward was standing by my side, and he kept his hands on my shoulders, squeezing it lightly as he whispered.

"Hey stranger, why don't you want to go? I'll be there; wouldn't it be nice if we could relive those memories together?" He flashed his crooked smile at me, pouting slightly as his long, dexterous fingers gently swept my wayward hair out of my face.

"Please? For me?"

His hands were back on my shoulders, massaging them and relieving the tension from the lack of sleep and my crazy shopping spree. I felt my resistance crumbling, and gave a defeated nod. Edward smiled and beamed at me.

"Bella is going!" He announced to the room as he pulled me to sit on the floor against the couch with him. Almost instinctively, I shrugged out of his touch and struggled covertly to move away from his welcoming heat, but he caught my arms.

"Come here love, your shoulders are really tense. Let me massage them for you." The words he murmured were soft and sensual, as he spun me around so that I had my back pressed against his chest, his arms working their way with the tight muscles on my shoulders.

I let out another sigh. _A sigh of contentment, a sigh of frustration, a sigh of resentment._ Contented that I was in his arms, frustrated that I could not resist and resentment at my own lack of courage. I felt my eyelids grew heavier and the movie became out of focus as my head came to rest on my favourite spot, the crook of Edward's neck between his head.

One of the last thing I heard or imagined was a whispered, "Sleep now, my love" in a low velvety voice, followed by a very familiar humming and then I gave in to the darkness that overtook the room.

***

_**It's a short chapter, but I think it will do alright for now! (: Review, reviews! I need my dosage of confidence from you all! **_

_**I will try and update as soon as I can! My holidays are almost over, and I'm about to be tossed back into my busy life of a student. Ah, wells.**_


	12. Chapter 12: Plan Cancelled

_**I hoped everyone had a good Easter! I made full use of my in bed sleeping until the late afternoons, hence procrastinating all my writing again! Here's the next chapter, which I hope you will all enjoy! REVIEWS, as usual, are chocolaty loves!**_

_**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, though I wished Edward would climb through my window one night!**_

"**All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another."  
— **_**Anatole France**_

***

_One of the last thing I heard or imagined was a whispered, "Sleep now, my love" in a low velvety voice, followed by a very familiar humming and then I gave in to the darkness that overtook the room._

***

**BPOV:**

I stood in the shadows, away from the old oak tree and watched the familiar scene play out in front of me. A girl and a guy lay on their tummies on a blanket under the tree; the guy leaned over and brushed off the girl's hair from her face. They talked for hours, never once noticing of my presence in the dark, never looking away from each other to notice that I was just a few mere metres away from them, watching their every movement. As the sun started to set, the guy stood up and pulled the girl off the ground, slinking his arm around her waist, and cuddling her while they set off. Then the sunlight caught the girl's face and I felt myself scream and jerk.

"No, no, no! This can't be…" I looked around my room and sighed wearily. The very same dream has been set on repeat mode ever since we had decided to go back for the homecoming reunion. In my dreams, I was the outsider, intruding into a private moment of the guy and girl. Who were they in my dreams? _Edward and Adeline._ The more I said their names, the more I felt that it sounded right.

_Edward and Adeline._

_Edward and Bella._

I wiped the sheen of perspiration on my forehead with the back of my hand and glanced to my right at the clock. There was two more hours to go before I had to be up and be ready to go for the homecoming. Knowing well that there was no way I could get anymore sleep, I propped my pillow up and sat back, leaning my head against the cool headboard, as thoughts of the past few days streamed through my mind. I tried not to over analyse the situation, but every time I went over to the Cullen's, Adeline would be there.

Edward seemed to be eternally occupied and busy, and I hardly saw my best friend. I could not help the offensive and harrowing smirk from crossing my features. There were the two dreaded words again. **Best friends.** I even went to the extent of asking Alice and Emmett if they knew what Edward was up to, and my response was a helpless shrug from Alice, and a sarcastic "_Why do you even care what they creep doc-to-be is up t_o" from Emmett. Both the responses did not exactly give me the answer to my burning question, and I contemplated asking Adeline, but decided that my heart did not need the extra burden and torture. _Why do something to hurt myself more?_

This was a new experience to me- A distant Edward. Even when we were at college, Edward was physically 204 miles away, but I could still feel his presence in his almost daily emails, postcards and frequent calls. But now, the guy I loved was just right beside me, and I know not what is going on through his head. I did not know what he was doing; I did not know how he felt. And during the times I got to see him, Adeline stayed faithfully by his side. Up until now, I always thought that I could be forever by his side. Suddenly, forever seemed impossible and bleak.

"_Edward and Adeline are up in his room…"_

"_Edward and Adeline are out…"_

"_Edward and Adeline are having lunch at the café…"_

"_Edward and Bella… Wait. Edward is with Adeline, and Bella is at home. Edward and Bella are not together."_

"Shut up!" I heard my sneering, derisive voice echoed through my quiet room, as I tried to filter away the unsolicited thoughts. Massaging my throbbing temples, and tilting my head to look at the clock again, I decided that there was no way I could sit here in the dark and allow my wild, scornful imagination to run its course, I needed to kick start my day, even if I was almost an hour earlier.

Besides, Alice had arranged for me to ride to the homecoming carnival with Edward, we could have some quality time alone today and maybe browse the carnival together while basking in those old high school memories. I tossed the covers aside and stepped off the bed, my head was throbbing still, but what I wanted more than anything else at the moment was to meet Edward. Heavens know who much I missed him!

I took my time showering and when the hot water finally ran out, I stepped out of the chilly shower and opened my wardrobe that held several new purchases from the last shopping spree with the girls. Feeling that I needed a little more boost of confidence, I chose the dusty rose pink tank top which Alice had complimented me on, describing it as a great match with my blush and my brown locks. I took the black leather jacket off the hanger and slipped into a pair of black jeans, coupled with my favourite brown boots.

I dried my hair leisurely and pinned the sides up, taking as long as I needed to give myself a pep talk that nothing had changed between me and Edward_. He was still my best friend, and he was still unobtainable, all I had to do was let go of the thought that I could be more. _My mother used to tell me that if you want to change your life, change your mind.It was that simple, was it not?

When I finally came down to get a light breakfast, it was already half past eight, and I had half an hour more before I was due to meet Edward. Just as I was getting settled at the kitchen table, I felt the buzzing of my vibrating cell. Picking up the phone that laid on the table, I glanced at the screen. Edward!

"Hey Edward? I'm just getting breakfast; we're meeting at nine, aren't we?"

"Hey Bells. Listen, could we leave earlier? There's somewhere I need to go first, and also something I need to tell you."

***

_**Alright, I decided to cut off my chapter here although I initially wrote a three thousand word one. But I felt the next part could stand on its own, and I wanted to make it better… So forgive me! I'll update very very soon! Reviews, pretty please?**_


	13. Chapter 13: Changing

_**Alright, don't hit me! I know I left everyone cliff hanging. I wrote this chapter and the previous one together, but separated them because I wanted to make this even better! I hope you enjoy it! (: **_

_**I read all of the reviews posted, and I'm so happy! THANKS a bunch to those who left me my personal note of encouragements! I love you!!!**_

_**REVIEWS are as always, lovely and chocolaty!!! (:**_

_**You know who the characters belong to, so I need not say. **_

***

"_Hey Edward? I'm just getting breakfast; we're meeting at nine, aren't we?"_

"_Hey Bells. Listen, could we leave earlier? There's somewhere I need to go first, and also something I need to tell you."_

***

"Sure Edward! I'm ready to go, should I come over now?"

"Yeah! That would be great, Bella. See you soon."

As the phone hung up with a soft click, I felt butterflies fluttering around at the bottom of my stomach. _Where was it that he wanted to go? What was it that he needed to tell me?_ He sounded grave, as though he had made an important decision.

Abandoning my breakfast and leaving the bowl in the sink so I could wash them later, I grabbed my bag and jacket and bounded with as much as grace as I could muster, out the door.

The silver Volvo sat outside my porch, reflecting the sunlight as the engine purred silently. The Cullens had extraordinary taste for luxury cars. Aside from Alice's Porsche, Edward's Volvo and Emmett's jeep, there was also a Mercedes and Vanquish in the garage for "family purposes".

Closing the door behind me, I shielded my eyes from the morning sun, and watched as the Volvo's door opened, and Edward stepped out. His bronze hair was as usual messy and disarray. He had on a pair of sunglasses and the green orbs were hidden behind the dark lenses. He wore his jeans low on his hips and a white button down with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. I loved the shirt on him, it hinted at the sturdy muscles in his arms and back, and the simplicity of the outfit highlighted that he was gorgeous without even trying.

I slowed my pace as I neared his car; Edward was leaning against the passenger door, smiling slightly.

"Hey stranger." I blinked at my new nickname, and bent my head slightly. **Stranger.** That was what we were now, was it?

"Hi yourself, Edward."

He laughed and opened the door, bending to give me a quick hug before shoving me into the car. As the door slammed to a close, I felt a twinge in my heart. If I had been Adeline, he would not have shoved her into the car. I had seen him from my balcony, helping her into the car like a true gentleman. Was I not worth this treatment too?

I glanced at him from the side of my eyes as he slide into his seat effortlessly and saw him staring at me. There was a pregnant pause and I trained my eyes on the road in front, waiting for him to start the car.

After what seemed to be an eternity, I heard a mellifluous sigh escape from his lips, and I turned to look at him dubiously. He had removed his sunglasses and I saw that there was a light shadow under his eyes, as though he had not been sleeping well. Perhaps he spent his nights with Adeline too, I thought to myself bitterly.

"Bella, see those behind?" I shot him a look of questioning and turned to survey the large luggage in the backseat. I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttered even more viciously and the dull throbbing in my head seemed to quicken its pace.

Ignoring my silence, Edward rubbed his eyes and yawned lightly.

"Well Bells, what I wanted to tell you was that I'm driving up to Harvard today, after the fair. So you might want to catch a ride back with Alice or Emmett?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat that could be interpreted as hurt. Was I the last to know of his plans? Why did he not bother to tell me before hand?

Sweeping one more glance at the luggage, I turned back to the front and asked lowly, "So you have told me the something. Where's the somewhere we need to go before the homecoming?"

"Oh that! We need to pick up Adeline on our way there as well. She's hitching a ride back with me to Harvard, and she was pretty keen to see our high school, so I invited her along."

"Right."

The voice that replied Edward was monotonous and dull. I shut my eyes tightly and rubbed the bridge of my nose, willing the throbbing in my head to disappear, and the lump in my throat to go away.

Who said that it was simple to forget about the one you loved? **It isn't**. Who said all it took was a changed mindset? **It didn't.**

The car pulled away from the curb and I pressed my head against the cool window, keeping my eyes glued to the sceneries flying past me, looking at them but not registering it. Previously we could sit in together in this very car, and I could enjoy the silence, but now I felt claustrophobic and the silence was overbearing.

All too soon, we were pulling up to a hotel and I could see Adeline dressed in a denim skirt and a white blouse, with a pair of boots that went up to her knees.

I could do nothing to prevent the thought that scampered through my mind as I watched her sashayed her way over to the car. Edward had gotten out of the car to open the door for her and get her baggage, like the gentleman Esme had brought him up to be.

_The gorgeous flower versus the plain Jane_; my life was no fairytale and there was no way that the ugly duckling could become the Swan Princess to get her prince.

Somewhere in the distance, I head the same monotonous voice greeting Adeline. Was that my voice? An excited chatter filled the car, sharing about high school memories. I heard a velvety laugh that contributed to the chatter and I pressed my lids shut tighter and tried to block out the sounds in the car, concentrating instead on reciting the alphabets.

***

I opened my eyes only when I felt the car reversing into the parking lot. The sun was shining brightly today and the sight at our former high school campus was a sight to behold! Tents were put up around the courts and vibrant streamers hung from every possible ceiling. The spectrum of colours and the titanic welcome sign caught my attention as the silver Volvo pulled up in the parking lot beside Alice's yellow Porsche. It should be an exciting time, but the vivacious setting did nothing to lift my cloudy mood.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were leaning against the Porsche as we exited the car. I saw Alice's eyes widening when Adeline stepped out of the car and waved to the group. Rosalie instinctively wrapped an arm around my shoulders while Alice slipped her petite hands into mine. I managed a small smile and waved my hellos to the group.

Emmett took Rosalie's free hand and pulled her towards the carnival. Rosalie tugged me along as Alice followed beside me, with Jasper in tow by Alice's side. I was grateful that they had noticed my discomfort and were shielding me from the hurt, but something else seemed to be trickling through me…

The carnival was really crowded and we stopped countless of times whenever we spotted familiar faces in the crowd. Alice was right. Many changes had taken place in them, some were more subtle than others, but if you look at them, there was always something different in everyone. **Change.** Everything is changing, and nothing seemed to be the same.

I tried my best to ignore the rapid throbbing in my heart. It felt as though someone was playing a drum with my head, and I could do nothing to stop them. I was sweating profusely and trying to ignore Edward and Adeline and the sight in front of me.

The way she was leaning into his body to whisper into his ear above the noise…

The way he threw his head back and laughed at whatever she said…

The way his fingers splayed across the small of her back as he guided her from tent to tent…

And the fact that Edward and Adeline were going to be leaving together...

I felt the same odd feeling trickling within me. Jealousy? Hate? Or pain?

Jasper bought us candy floss and I gingerly lifted some into my lips, barely tasting the sweetness as it melts on my tongue. My head was spinning on its own axis, and I could no longer ignore the aching sensation. As I reached out to grab Alice's hand to tell her of my growing discomfort, a boy ran towards us and I lost my footing and met the ground.

I vaguely heard Alice and Rosalie asking if I was alright, ignoring the muffled voices swarming around me. My eyes flew to the scene a few metres away in front of me. I watched from my spot on the ground as the guy leaned forward to brush a stray hair off the girl's face. I saw the way he held her hands and shielded her from the pushing crowd. They were talking and in a world of their own, never noticing me as I sat helplessly on the ground, a shadow amongst the crowd.

***

Perhaps it was the pain of my heart finally breaking into a million pieces, maybe it was headache, or maybe it was just the adrenaline of having a déjà vu moment… But I found myself sprinting madly across the court, pushing people out of my way, as I tore through the parking lot and out of the school. I indistinctly remember tripping and falling a couple of times, thanks to my very credible sporting abilities. The throbbing in my head, the abrasions on my knees and the cuts on my palms were nothing in comparison to the shattering pain of my heart.

I ran until I could run no more, flinging myself onto the grass on the sidewalk. My breath felt like I was suffocating, and my head pounded ruthlessly. I felt those dreadful tears falling freely, like the blood that was trickling from my knees…

He was no longer mine. He was never mine! This was the ending. There had never been an Edward and Bella. There could not have been one, because there was never a sweet beginning in the first place.

***

_**Okay, so I know this is another sad one. Forgive Edward & forgive me for being 'cruel' to them! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I still need ideas for Bella's Christmas present to Edward! So any kind souls to help contribute can PM me! **_

_**As always, reviews, pretty please? (:**_


	14. Chapter 14: No More

_**Honestly all the reviews are like chocolate to my soul! I love them and I do hope I replied to ALL of them! ( :**_

_**Lilvamplvr**__** suggested that I gave Bella some hot choco to cheer her up, so I did try. Haha, thanks for the idea!**_

_**What else do I have to say? Oh yes, School is starting in 2 days! End of my break, hence I'm not going to be having all the free time to update, but I promise I will try to at least update twice a week, and if I don't, feel free to bombard me with reminders! **_

_**Characters as always, belong to.... **_

"**Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."**

**~Charlie Brown**

***

He was no longer mine. He was never mine! This was the ending. There had never been an Edward and Bella. There could not have been one, because there was never a sweet beginning in the first place.

BPOV:

In my dreams that night, I saw the same scenario that I had seen every night before today.

The same girl and a guy lay on their tummies on a blanket under the tree; the same guy leaned over and brushed off the girl's hair from her face. They talked for hours, never once noticing of a brown haired stranger's presence in the dark, never looking away from each other to notice that she was just a few mere metres away from them, watching their every movement. As the sun started to set, the guy stood up and pulled the girl off the ground, slinking his arm around her waist, and cuddling her while they set off. The sun caught the girl's face and a howl of pain pierced the air. In my dreams, the stranger with the brown hair crashed to the ground and cry forcefully. The silhouette of the couple got smaller and smaller as they disappeared from the view of the brown hair stranger.

"Bella, Bella honey! Wake up!" A deep voice was pulling me from my slumber, but I felt so tired. My lids felt heavy as lead and my body ached tremendously. I wanted to sink back to the darkness beneath my close eyes, but the deep, gruff voice and a pair of callous hands were shaking my body, prying me from the arms of the darkness.

As I opened my eyes slightly, I saw Charlie's face peering down at me worriedly. He looked ten years older, and the wrinkles between his eyes were etched clearly on his face. I turned my head away and glance out at the darkness outside. The curtains were not drawn and I could hear the faint sound of the thunder roaring in the distance. There seemed to be a storm coming in.

Turning back to Charlie, I blinked my eyes to adjust to the light and pushed myself up. "What time is it, Dad?"

Charlie looked apprehensively at me before he gestured to the clock beside my bed. **3 a.m.**

Everything that happened was a thing of the past. It has been more than twelve hours since Alice and Jasper found me curled up on the grass and took me home. I was vaguely conscious, and I heard Jasper's furious remarks about Edward and Alice's soft soothing murmur in my ears, telling me to rest. Twelve hours ago since Edward had headed to Harvard with what's-her-name, and twelve hours ago since I lost my love.

Charlie held a mug to me as he sat by my bed.

"You were screaming and thrashing in your dreams," he said quietly. I could see the concern and worry in his face. "My shift starts at five today, Bells. Maybe I should call the station and have someone cover for me. You look rather pale."

That had to be the longest dialogue I have ever heard Charlie utter, and I took the mug from him gingerly, and took a sip without looking. _**Hot chocolate**_. I felt a spasm run through my body as I thought of my connection with hot chocolate and Edward.

Taking a deep breath to calm my pounding heart, I managed a smile briefly at Charlie.

"Its okay, Dad. It's just a little cold and some bad dreams. I will be fine. You should go to work. No point staying home to watch me sleep, anyway."

Charlie opened his mouth to say something else, but at the last minute he closed his mouth and nodded slowly. He gave me instructions to call him if I felt unwell and left the room. That was one of the best things about Charlie. He does not hover.

Back alone in my own cave, I reached over to the bedside table and turned off the lamp that was casting an orange glow in the room. Once the light was put out, darkness enveloped the room and I closed my eyes and rested my head back against my pillow, trying my best to block out all thoughts of Edward, Adeline... _**Edward & Adeline.**_

***

Eventually, I must have fell back asleep because when I awoke again, the sky was dreary and the clock read 11 a.m. Twenty hours since Alice and Jasper found me, twenty hours since they left, twenty hours since I…

I jerked myself out of bed and pushed myself up with the support of the bedside table. I saw the cup of hot chocolate Charlie made for me sitting there, untouched except for that sip I absent mindedly took earlier on. I winced as I heard an all too familiar voice telling me that I made the best hot chocolate. No, I was not seeing nor hearing a ghost, it was just one of the memories tossed up from the rich store Edward had given me. _How could I ever forget him?_

I tried my best to urge away the fresh waves of agony that were crashing down on me, and decided that a shower was what I needed. I was still dressed in that dusty pink tank top, and my jeans had been replaced with a pair of shorts. Alice must have helped me changed when she got me back yesterday.

Opening the door to my bathroom, I stared into the mirror, glancing at the girl with a head of shambolic and tangled brown hair. Her eyes were flat and there were shadows around them. Was this girl in the mirror me? She was like a stranger. _**Stranger**_. That word sounded so familiar and in my mind eye's I could picture the breath of air he let out when he had greeted me yesterday. I shuddered at how anything could easily lead back to a memory of him.

I went about the usual morning routine, turning on the shower and waiting for the water to heat up. I caught myself staring at the mirror at my own reflection a few times and I felt a knot tightening in the pits of my stomach. When the water finally heated up I all but flung myself under the convivial heat, lifting my head towards the spray, allowing the warm water to mix with the tears that were falling. I felt the sting of the water on my bruised palms and knees as I slide myself onto the ground, and let the tears that had been threatening to flow.

I was unsure how long I sat in the bathroom. The water had turned cold and I could feel the icy sting of it on my back as I buried my head between my knees. The sobs had subsided and I felt as though I had cried out all my tears in the last twenty-four hours. A hollow void settled in place of the terrifying sadness and loneliness that I felt before.

Eventually I got out of the bathroom and dressed myself idly, having no care for what I was putting on. When I was done dressing, I picked up the mug on my bedside table and headed downstairs.

Passing by the hall, I caught side of myself on the mirror on the mantel. The sweatshirt I had thrown on in my haste and distraction was Edward's. They came down to my thighs and covered the shorts I wore. My hands flew to my chest and clutched at the navy blue cloth desperately. I almost expected my tears to flow again, but nothing came. Except for a dry sob.

***

The day was spent mostly in bed. I read Wuthering Heights and awoke to find that I had dozed off. I ate an oatmeal bar and found myself staring blankly at the wall opposite my bed. At one point, Alice came over via the balcony from Edward's room and she told me of some plans she had made for the holidays and wanted me to join them. I paid little attention to what she actually said and mostly mused about how her melodious voice sounded in comparison to Edward's velvet ones. I gazed into Alice's aqua eyes and found myself thinking of Edward's emerald ones. Alice had a light green tinge in hers, but both their eyes held different emotions. Alice's was full of excitement, always illuminating positivity while Edward's were tenderer in the way he looked at me and I always found myself lost in the depths of them.

"Bella, Bella! Are you listening to me?" I jumped slightly and focused on Alice who was waving her hands in front of my face. She was frowning slightly and pouted.

"I risked my life jumping in here via your balcony and you pay me no attention. Bella, I'm so hurt!" I shook my head at her, and sighed. When I finally spoke, my voice sounded hoarse and dry from the lack of use.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I'm really not in the mood for going to the mall or anywhere else for that matter."

That was a moment of pregnant pause, and when Alice spoke again, her voice was softer, and her eyes locked with mine.

"It's all about Edward, isn't it? I told Charlie you were not feeling well and you almost fainted at the fair, but I think I know better. You could not handle_** them**_ together and you took off running." She placed an emphasis on the word 'them' and I cringed slightly.

"Bella, listen to me. Have you told him? Have you told him you love him?"

The twinge turned into a shudder upon hearing Alice's question. I had never told him about my feelings, I was much too afraid for that. There were so many consequences to think about, and my lack of courage always won the debate.

I glanced at Alice sadly and said, "I can't. I don't know how to. It's too late, it's not….." I thought I had cried enough, but the tears came again and I sobbed into Alice's shoulder and Edward's sweatshirt.

As I wept, I vowed to myself that this would be the last time I cried. The last time I grief about the situation. _It was my choice from the very beginning and it was my fault._ I had no one to blame, no one to hate. And with that thought, I let my floodgates open and bawled until exhaustion took over once more.

***

_**Okay, another chapter done. I would have posted earlier if it weren't for some friends that decided I should go out for some drinks, but it's up! I promise to have less angst after this. Haha, I know it's been awhile that sad Bella is around, but she needed to get the hurt out of her system, like you and me yes?**_

_**Alright, reviews would be love (and choco)!!!**_


	15. Chapter 15: The Android's Decision

_**So I didn't had plans to update today, but guess what? I read the reviews and was feeling motivated, even if this was only a short one. Give me some time. School's such a …. Enjoy this, alright! Keep reviewing! ((:**_

_***Drumrolls…* Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer! "Applauds***_

"**Love is a ****decision**** - not an emotion****."**

**-Anonymous**

***

_As I wept, I vowed to myself that this would be the last time I cried. The last time I grief about the situation. It was my choice from the very beginning and it was my fault. I had no one to blame, no one to hate. And with that thought, I let my floodgates open and bawled until exhaustion took over once more._

***

BPOV:

How is it 24 hours in a day can feel like eternity on some days while on others, they feel like a speedy bullet train?

I know technically that there is a theory somewhere that time pass faster when you're having fun, but no matter how busy I engage myself to be, time just seem to crawl by, and every time I check my watch again, barely an hour passed.

After that day when I made a promise to myself that that was going to be the last time I cried, I stuck to that vow. It was my life support, keeping me afloat and alive. I had a promise to keep and I worked hard at it. I did not want to be weak and break down every time the name "Edward" crossed the mouths of his family members. Sure, I shuddered and feel that familiar knot in my tummy, but I could always somehow find the will to push it away. There was no point in having Rosalie, Jasper and the rest of the Cullens share in my grief.

And I followed through with every one of Alice's plans for the holidays. I went to a mall with the four of them, got separated from them when I turned to stare at the ice-cream parlor that Edward and I frequent in our high school days. Furthermore I left my cell at home and had no way to contact them, and had to wait for four hours by the car under the sun.

We went to the beach on sunny days, and I find myself hypnotized by the green waters, staring at them while I recalled someone else's green orbs. We played beach volley and I found myself without a partner. Emmett and Jasper volunteered to be my partner, but I knew they wanted to play with their other halves more than they wanted to be with me. When Emmett played against me, the top of my head was his target and it greatly amused him every time I got hit.

I went along with Alice and Rosalie for manicure and pedicure pampering services, and accidentally kicked over a bottle of green nail polish because I found myself thinking of said person again. We had to pay for that bottle, and Rosalie ignored me the whole of that day for embarrassing her. I apologized to her and offered her mango pudding as a peace treaty.

Jasper volunteered to drive me to the library, and he talked animatedly about what he was planning to do after the vacations end, and I found myself wondering what he was doing. We reached the library and instead of feeling at home there like I always did, I felt overwhelmed. That someone and I used to come here at least twice a week, so I could get my weekly dosage of cookies and cream milkshake and a good book. We were barely in the library for ten minutes and I felt suffocated already. I grabbed the nearest book and checked it out. Jasper stared at me weirdly and I shrugged at him.

"How to raise a baby? Bella, you came here to borrow that?" Jasper was snickering as he turned the car towards home. I blushed scarlet and tucked the book into the bottom of my bag, mumbling about needing to do research. I steered clear of Jasper for two whole days after that, because he could not hold in his chuckled each time he saw me, and I needed no reminders of the embarrassing situation.

Of course, that was not all. Alice went ahead and brought us for karaoke. Emmett was the microphone hogger, and Rosalie frequently smacked his arm to get the mike. Alice danced to almost all the songs while Jasper played air guitar and did a dance or two with Alice. For me, I sat back and watched the scene unfold before my eyes, wondering about how different things could have been should said someone was here. In the end, I drank too many cocktails and beer and Emmett had to carry me home. According to Alice, he did it caveman style. Nothing as glamorous as having to be hauled out of the karaoke bar.

***

So that's what my vacations consisted of, countless embarrassing situations coupled with lots of reminiscences of a particular someone. I came home from the bakery today, after Alice had insisted that she had to have an Oreo cheesecake or she would die, to find a letter from Princeton sitting on the table. The envelope was thick and probably consisted of several pages.

_Did I do something wrong? Were they cancelling my scholarship?_ A surge of panic ran through me and I opened the letter tentatively. The paper was thick and as I pulled it out of the envelope, I noticed that my fingers trembled slightly.

***

**Dear Isabella Marie Swan,**

**We are pleased to inform you that your professors have nominated you to attend an attachment programme with various prestigious universities across the United Kingdom. The trip will be fully sponsored by Princeton, and students embarking on this journey are required to confirm their application latest by 14****th**** December. **

***

The rest of the letter wrote about the details of travel, the places we would be visiting and the universities we will reside at. They included Cambridge, Oxford and Warnborough College, amongst many others. By the time I got to the end of the letter, I found myself breathing heavily and the knot in my tummy was tightening furiously.

If I took up the offer, it would mean that I would be gone for almost eight months! For three weeks, I have been ignoring the urge to ask about Edward, preferring to think about him from the safety of my mind. _What would I do without him for eight months_? And yet, this was the perfect opportunity presenting itself to me- A chance to see the world like how I always longed to, and to get away from him.

I knew that what I was doing now was definitely not healthy for my emotional state. I was a "_walking undead_" as Alice graciously puts it, but I overheard Rosalie calling me _**a damn zombie and a freaking android**_ amongst many other undesirable name.

I had less than a week to respond to the mail and I did not have a clue what to do. _Should I take on the offer, forget about Edward and just go? Or should I be thinking about what Edward might want me to do?_

I banged the table heavily and laid my face against my palms. _Why was I even thinking about Edward at a time like this?_ My inner devil was arguing with the angel, and the angel was arguing that it was important because I love Edward.

Head over heart, heart over head- which one will win the battle?

***

_**Okay everyone! I know many of you are asking or rather screaming, "WHERE IS MY EDWARD?" It would honestly be no fun if Edward came right back when he was barely gone right? Will Bella take up the offer? Or will she stay?And I've been meaning to ask everyone, have you ever had an experience like such? Tell me if you wanna!**_

_**As I mentioned, my vacations are over. I'm in college, hence the workload is incredible! So do pardon me, I really really appreciate all the sweet, ENCOURAGING, and comical comments! So keep reviewing, I love you all! (:**_


	16. Chapter 16: Running as fast as I can

_**OMGOSH! It's been five days since I last updated! I don't usually take so long, but as I might have told some of you, school life is so frustrating and confining. First week back and I got 4 assignments to be handed in next month. I need all the luck I can get!**_

_**Never mind about school, I apologize to everyone for taking so long! I had a fun time reading the reviews, as always and am really, really thankful for them and you readers! I absolutely love my dosage of chocolate!!!**_

_**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, and as much as I wanna own them, I don't. Edward could own me any day though! (:**_

_**One last A.N: On replay for this chapter was No Doubt's Running. It fits the mood for me.**_

***

_I banged the table heavily and laid my face against my palms. Why was I even thinking about Edward at a time like this? My inner devil was arguing with the angel, and the angel was arguing that it was important because I love Edward. _

_Head over heart, heart over head- which one will win the battle?_

***

Have you ever get that feeling of absolute fickleness and an inability to make decisions for yourself? Even a simple "_what should I eat today_" can seem tedious to the mind. I am having one of those weeks. I found myself turning over every stones and rocks, trying to make a decision that could affect me in so many ways.

I knew I had friends that I could go to for advices, but I refrained from doing so. I know Alice would possibly beg me to stay and then realize that it was for my own good, and give me her blessings to go. I know Rosalie would tell me to follow my heart, something which I do not quite trust in recent times. Jasper would probably tell me that this was an awesome chance, a chance of a lifetime and it would be a waste not to take up the offer. Emmett? Well, he would tell me, for sure, to go date a hot English guy with an incredible accent, and hopefully blonde too.

All these I knew, but what I wanted to know was… _What would Edward say?_

I wanted to call Edward, get in touch with him, but I did not where to begin from. It has been almost a month since the Homecoming incident, but the memory of that day still hung fresh in mind, the tender wound in my heart was still raw and aching. I often told my friends who have gone through breakups that time will heal their pain, and that they should look forward and not look back, but my words of wisdom meant nothing to myself, really.

Time was a mere reminder that I let the one I love slipped through my fingers. Time was the reminiscence of what I had done wrong. Time was mocking me as I watch Edward grow further apart from me, the times we had now seemingly so surreal. _**How could I look forward when the past was the one that shaped my present? How do people just let go of their past? Do they really let them go, or do they bury it in their hearts?**_

_Could I go ahead without letting him know?_

_Does he have a right to know?_

_Can I start anew with my trip?_

_Will I be able to do it?_

I mulled over these questions over and over again in my head, trying to convince myself that I could eventually, that all I needed was to get away and everything would be alright. All my contemplations and ponderings only gave me one conclusion, and it was one of the harshest and hardest self-realization in my life.

_**I was a coward, I was a runner. **_Every time something hurtful happens, I run. Every time I am in the face of love, I take off. I have been running all my life, and it was beginning to wear me down. When my mother died, I ran from the pain and I even tried to get out of the funeral if Edward had not promised to be by my side the entire time, his warm hand grasping mine cold ones. When my heart finally comprehended that my feelings for Edward had gone beyond friendship, I chose to ignore it, running away from the fact. When Jacob, James and the other guys in high school told me they liked me, I avoided them, choosing to run away from the relationship and the commitment and my fear of them.

I run to escape the fear. I run to escape my lack of courage. I run to keep my heart safe. And I run to ensure I do not get hurt. But look where all the running has taken me? A battered and worn out soul, a heart that is broken, a hurt that I still encounter… and not any more courageous.

Yes, I could keep running. Run to the United Kingdom, I could be ten thousand miles apart from Edward, but will the distance be enough? _Will anything ever be enough if I did not have Edward to share it with me?_

***

Thursday rolled around the corner and even though time was my own personal mocker and reminder of everything that happened, time still passes. The morning was dreary and dull, the sun now mostly hiding behind grey ominous clouds. The weather was turning really cold and the winds were no longer a welcoming caress on my skins, but a cold slap against me. It would surely start to snow pretty soon.

Dressed in Edward's old sweatshirt, I sat in bed under the cosy comforter and just like every other mornings, my thoughts flew to Edward, wondering for the hundred thousandth times how he was. I missed him, I hated him, I thought of him… I still find myself loving him.

When the realization sank in that Thursday morning, I felt as though I had an epiphany! I no longer cared if there was an Adeline beside him, I did not care if I was still his best friend, I no longer cared about messing up our friendship, it was already as blotch-up as it could get. I no longer cared if my actions would affect my friendship with the others; I only cared for myself at the moment. And at that moment, I was a girl who had been hurt and I only wanted to make that part of my life right for myself.

So with my considerations all recklessly tossed aside, I made my gravest decision. I was done running, done being a coward and escaping from reality. The only thing keeping me from making my final decision to go or not was Edward, and if he was the biggest factor, then I will have to take my own future in my hands. I could not change what I had done in the past, but I could do something for myself right now.

With new found pristine courage, I found my cell on the study table under a pile of Jane Eyre classics. My fingers flew frantically across the buttons, punching in my message with extra force and determination.

**Hi Edward, do you remember that I still exist? The month has been crap for me and I miss you so, so much, I don't even know where to begin. But that doesn't matter, because right now… all I want is to hear your voice, and tell you everything, every crazy thought that has been on my mind, especially about a decision that I have to make soon. Would you call me? Please do, I really miss you. Love Bells.**

Not allowing myself a chance to regret and lament, I quickly hit the "SEND" button and replaced my phone back onto the table. I felt a sense of relief surging through my being and felt more relaxed. There was also a new excitement and urgency coursing through me, knowing that I could hear his voice again.

I headed to the bathroom with a new bounce in my steps. The high of having taken the first step to break free was liberating, if not cathartic and therapeutic.

Now all that was left to do is wait.

***

_**The next chapter would need a bit more time for me because I'm at a crossroad here. I want to contemplate how things should go for these two. But I promise to try and not take too long! Before I move on to my assignments, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and do review! Reviews, like chocolates, are now an essential part of my life! **_

_**Thanks everyone, for your patience and encouragements!!**_


	17. Chapter 17: I hear them

_**Hectic and crazy week at school again, but tomorrow is Labor Day, so I thought I would try and rush out one chapter tonight! Apologies all around for my slow updates. Please do forgive and keep reading!**_

_****After editing this chapter, it's already Labor Day! Haha, so Happy Holiday everyone!****_

_**By the way, my inspiration for this chapter comes from this song… Lifehouse- You and Me**_

_**All characters belong to… you and I know her. (:**_

***

_I headed to the bathroom with a new bounce in my steps. The high of having taken the first step to break free was liberating, if not cathartic and therapeutic._

_Now all that was left to do is wait._

***

My mid-morning shower was refreshing and I felt well rejuvenated after it. I dressed casually in my oldest T-shirt and shorts and headed downstairs to grab a light breakfast, only to discover that the cereal box was almost empty. I would have to run down to the stores and pick up the groceries and Christmas presents for my friends, Charlie and well… Edward.

The single thought of his name got my heart thumbing slightly faster and instinctively my left hand flew to the pocket on my pair of Victoria Secret boxer shorts that Alice had gotten me. My fingers curled around the phone in my pocket and I pulled the phone out to ensure that it was fully charged. I opened my inbox but all it read was "No new messages".

_Bella, Bella, what are you doing? Since when were you the sort of girl who checks her phone every five minutes for a message?_ I frowned at my reflection on the silver kettle as I chastised myself and have an internal monologue in my mind.

I found myself clucking my tongue and shaking my head slightly after a good five minutes later, still staring at my reflection.

'**It's absolutely normal for you to check your phone Bella, this is the guy whom you're so crazy in love with**', argued voice one.

Voice two disagrees however. '_No Bella, this isn't healthy, it's called an obsession, and look how hurt you were before this, don't you learn?'_

'**I know it hurts, but you will be hearing Edward's voice soon, and it will be all worth it. Come on, you know that when it comes down to him, it will always be worth it.'**

'_No it's not worth getting hurt all over because of this, you have barely cooled down…'_

'**Heck, it will be worth it! Even jumping off a cliff for Edward will be worth it. You were barely surviving when he was not around anyway.'**

'_You tried your best to get through it, you didn't cry and you got out of the house, even if it was hard to go face the world, but I don't want you to fall back into that old trap again..'_

'**It's not a trap. It's an investment! Love is an investment! Come on, if you don't risk a little, you will reap nothing…'**

And right there in the kitchen, I started to laugh at the ridiculous argument that was going on in my head. I felt like I was the third party that those voices were talking about, and how ironical! Those voices belong to me!

***

I made myself a cup of hot chocolate to soothe the nerves and went to the den to watch a bit of television to try my best to tune out the voices in my head.

Somehow, I must have fallen asleep on the couch while watching reruns of Desperate Housewives, because I was awoken by the vibration in my pocket. My cell! It was ringing! I hurriedly flipped the phone open and breath into it.

"Edward?"

There was a silent pause on the other hand, and I heard some rustling in the background. The shuffling continued for a few seconds and I felt my palms grow sweaty. I transferred the phone to my other ear and heard a sigh at the other end. Finally the caller spoke up.

"Bella, its Alice, not my jerk brother. Were you expecting him?"

I pause and glanced at the number on my screen. Alice Cullen. It was not him. I could hear voice number two speaking up distinctively above Alice's rumblings.

'_I told you not to get your hopes up, didn't I?_'

I did the best I could to push that voice out of my head and to focus on what Alice had to say. She was telling me about Christmas plans, and she wanted me to join their family for dinner. I listened quietly, not quite registering her arrangements. Voice two was reminding me about my trip, while voice one was reminding voice two that Edward had not called me yet, so nothing was decided.

And that reminded me… Edward had not called me. I looked around for the clock but could not find it. In a panic stricken voice I interrupted Alice.

"Al, what time is it? I need to know the time!"

"Whoa Bella. Chill out, please don't me you're really waiting for a call from that jerk…"

"What is the time NOW Alice?" I knew I was panicking and I was rude, but the only thought in my head at that moment was Edward's absence. He wouldn't have ignored my text message, would he?

"It's almost 4p.m. in the afternoon Bella, and I forgive you for snapping at me." I heard Alice sighed and I could picture her rolling her eyes slightly at my reaction and I cringed. This was not normal behaviour on my part.

"I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean to snap. I just… thought it was Edward that called…" I bit back the dry sob that was rising in my throat and pasted a smile onto my face.

"If you're pretending to smile right now, Bells, don't. You look terrible. I don't suppose you want to talk about why you're waiting for his call then? I'll be here when you want to talk. Bye Bella."

And with that the awkward conversation came to an as Alice hung up the phone. I stared at my cell for awhile and felt a tiny gratitude bubbling at the back of my trepidation and dread that I had such an intuitive friend. It saved a lot of explanation for someone who is not as eloquent as me. I sighed and opened my outbox on my cell. The last message I sent was at 11 a.m. this morning, and I glanced at my phone's clock. 16:03. _**Five hours and three minutes.**_ Edward has never taken that long to respond to me before. Why was he doing so now?

I was sinking into a slight depression when voice one pipes up again.

'**Hold it, hold it! Maybe he's just busy! Maybe he has school work… or maybe his phone is out of battery. These things happen, Bella.'**

I wanted so much to believe that voice, but the other voice in my head refused to let the situation rest at that. It was shooting mental images of Edward reading my message, frowning and pushing his phone away, not bothering to reply at me. My fragile confidence and the epiphany I held on so dearly to came crashing right back down on me.

As much as voice one was comforting, I knew deep down that a reply was not on its way. Call it a girl's intuition, or you can name it as telepathy between that stranger and I.

I turned the volume of the MTV channel up and let the music play in the background as I grasped my cell tightly in my palm, my knuckles turning white with the force. I stared at my phone intensely and somewhat idly and absentmindedly.

'_Put the phone away Bella, he's never going to call. This investment has failed miserably. I told you it would. Now just do as I say and put your phone away. Chuck it somewhere out of sight..'_

'**Bella, you're not giving him or yourself a chance at all! Do you want to be like that? So blue and upset because of a wasted opportunity? You should call him yourself!'**

'_No point, Bella. There isn't one anymore. He chose to ignore you. End of discussion. Now go put that phone back in your room.'_

'**Bella, Bella… Isn't the one you love worth fighting for at all? Call him! Just pluck up that courage and call him! You can do it! You're stronger than this Bella, call him. Just pick up the phone and dial!'**

'_Go ahead, dial and if he ignores it, you will feel even more like shit. Do you want that Bella? No, you don't need that…"_

And as I sat curled in a ball at the end of the couch, I dropped my phone like hot coal and buried my fingers in my hair, letting out a frustrated and strangled scream. A scream to shut the voices off, a scream to release all my pent up frustrations. I was no longer laughing at the ridiculous banter in my head. Those voices in my head… those voices that belonged to me… Suddenly the situation did not seem as ridiculous and hilarious as it did this morning.

***

_**Well, yay! I finally completed this chapter. It was a bit tough to write since it had so many voices in it. Bella's own, and those in her head. (And those in my head as well!) And I wrote all this in the middle of the night! I started at 10 p.m. and it's now already on-ish in the morning! So review and let me know! I'm feeling a little motivated and I hope I can post one more chapter up this week. **_

_**P.S: Some of you must be wondering where has Edward gone to… but I'm not giving away the answer yet. You can guess. (: But I will leak a little. I'm bringing him back soon. How soon? Depends on where these characters take me.**_

_**P.P.S: I've got a vague idea of Edward's Christmas present from Bella, but I wouldn't mind having more opinions, let me know will ya?**_

_**Love you all!**_


	18. Chapter 18: Preparations

_**I ignored my conscience calls to go do my assignments that are due in two weeks, and followed my heart's call to update instead! Now I foresee late nights burning the midnight oil trying to get my assignments done! But never mind, you all always make it worth it!**_

_**So the characters don't belong to me, though I can still wish. (:**_

_**Enjoy and review!**_

***

_Those voices in my head… those voices that belonged to me… Suddenly the situation did not seem as ridiculous and hilarious as it did this morning._

***

I pushed the trolley down the aisles at the grocery stores, filling the cart with random, but essential items. Five different flavoured boxes of cereal, milk, oatmeal bars, ready-made made pizzas that could be reheated in the microwave, coffee powder, spaghetti, frozen food, can food, cans of beer… The house needed some serious stocking up in terms of the bare necessities, and beer was definitely one of them for Charlie.

When the groceries were paid for, I carried the bags out and loaded them into my old red truck which was on the verge of retirement, but I figured if I needed to get all the shopping done, it was essential that I brought my old baby out along on the ride. Having loaded the groceries onto the passenger seat, I climbed in and started the engine, cringing at the loud thundering of the old engine as my vehicle started up.

I pulled out of the parking lot ready to hit the next stop. The mall.

I did not bring Alice on my shopping trip, nor did I inform Rosalie. I bet that if they knew that I had come to the mall without them, they would have my head. But this was something I wanted to do alone, even if it meant going there on my own for the very first time.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled out in front of the mall and parked my loud, obnoxious vehicle in the lot. Turning off the engine, I hopped off the truck and made my way in. It was crowded inside and as I entered, I felt slightly out of place. Everyone was dressed to impress, this was a place to showcase your great fashion sense, and all I had on was a pair of old jeans and a blue hoodie under my thick coat. A girl clinging on to her man walked past me, chuckling at whatever the guy said and I shifted my gaze, feeling the familiar tightening in my stomach. _Why was this scene so sickeningly familiar?_

Quickening my pace, I tried my best to keep my gaze on the ground while keeping my 'disaster-seeking' tendencies at bay and manoeuvring my way around.

My first stop was "Limited Music" on the third storey. I had placed an order online for a set of Debussy's scores sheets, and they were ready to be picked up here. They were the only copy in the world, and I had grinned from ear to ear when I saw it online. Edward would definitely love it, I hoped.

As I stated my order at the counter, the man smiled at me and congratulated me on being so lucky to find such a gem. I smiled at him without making eye contact as I took a quick glance around the store. I was about to pay for my purchase when something on one of the top shelves caught my eyes.

Without removing my eyes from it, I headed in that direction, like a moth attracted to flames… Like a magnet attracted to its opposite pole. There sitting inconspicuously in the cabinet on the top shelf was a musical box. There was a crystal piano on the lid and a dark figure in a suit playing it. The crystal figure was seated before the piano, its long fingers stretched across the keys.

Unable to tear my eyes away, I pointed my finger shakily at it and asked the shopkeeper if I could have a closer look. The man smiled and brought the musical box down, droning on about what sort of crystal it was made of and I tuned him out subsequently. I opened the box carefully and the soft, delightful tune of Claire De Lune started to play. It was beautiful and spectacular. I needed it.

When I finally got out of that shop ten minutes later, I felt my mood lifting considerately since three days ago.

My next destination was Armani Exchange where I had seen a slate grey button down shirt the last time I was here with Rosalie to pick up her present for Emmett. I knew that shirt would go impeccably with Edward's fair complexion and hugged his toned body perfectly. I headed straight for that rack and saw the shirt I wanted hanging there, waiting for me to get them. It was the only piece left and heck; it was also the right size!

The girls' department was next on my list. A light pink ruffled mini dress with a zipper down the front for Alice was my final pick. For Rosalie, it was a black, strapless cocktail dress that would definitely do justice to her perfect figure. I got two T-shirts for Jasper and Emmett, knowing that they preferred to dress simply and comfortably.

I was heading towards the checkout counter when I decided that Charlie could use a new shirt too, and swerved back to the men's department to pick out two for him. In the end, I picked up some clothes for myself. If I was going to splurge on everyone, there was no point leaving myself out of the picture.

***

By the time I was ready to head back to my old truck, I had five full bags, three from Armani, one from Limited Music and one more from Macy's, containing an ivory rose photo frame for Esme and Carlisle. Opening the door of my truck, I jumped in and closed the doors, escaping from the cold outside.

I hunted for my shopping list in my bag and checked to ensure that I had everything I needed.

**Edward's Christmas present- shirt**

**Edward's Christmas present- music scores**

**Alice's Christmas present**

**Rosalie's Christmas present**

**Emmett's Christmas present**

**Jasper's Christmas present**

**Charlie's Christmas present**

**Esme & Carlisle's Christmas present**

**Gloves**

**New luggage**

**Groceries**

I ticked my purchases off and looked through them again to ensure I did not leave anything out. Charlie had told me he would get me the new luggage I needed when we had discussed what I needed to take with me on the trip.

Yes, I have made up my mind to go.

On the morning of the 14th of December, I had rang up my mentor and told her of my confirmation to go on the trip. She was most pleased that I had decided to take up the offer, telling me how beneficial it was to past students and how I would greatly reaped from it. She even volunteered to do the paperwork for me, and I was very grateful to her.

That night, I dropped the bomb on Charlie and told him of my decision. He was a little peeved that I had left him out of my decision making, but was glad that I had such a wonderful opportunity to expand my educational horizons. Hence, he volunteered to get me that luggage.

When I received confirmation yesterday of my place in the trip, I had decided that I needed to get all my shopping for Christmas done. There was not much time left as I had to be back at school on Boxing Day. Charlie and I had a discussion about Christmas plans, and I managed to convince him that I would spend my Christmas back at New Jersey instead of our annual tradition of celebrating with the Cullens. It was a little tedious to convince him that I would not be alone on Christmas day, but in the end he agreed that it was easier for me to make the journey back to school without the Christmas rush. We would have an early Christmas dinner on the 22nd, a day before my departure instead.

The only other thing left to do was to drop the news to my gang of friends and hope for my benefits that they do not ripped me into four different parts or tie me up.

So, I was set to leave four days later and I know that this was the start of a new journey… a journey for self discovery perhaps.

***

I turned the ignition on, tuning the heater up at the same time and leaned my head against the window pane, cradling the musical box in one hand. I gingerly opened the box and the familiar tune started to play. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, letting the music engulf me and bringing me images of Edward on his piano, playing this very same song. His long, dexterous fingers working the keys and scales perfectly while he closed his eyes and bared his emotions into the song. _Will I ever get to hear Edward on his piano again, or will my new musical box be his substitute?_

As the tender and tremulous music faded, I felt something wet dripped onto my palms. There were those tears again; the very same one that flowed when I waited and waited for his message or calls that never came, and felt my heart breaking all over again.

***

_**There you go !Reviews are the best motivations man! I finished the chapter, and I fulfilled my promise of updating at least twice a week!!! YAY! There's this sense of accomplishment bubbling in me now! **_

_**Chocolatey Reviews please, pretty please?? Haha, enjoy everyone! And have a great week ahead!**_

_**P.S: Oh yes, I have posted some of the pictures of Bella's purchases on my profile just in case you're wondering. Do have a look to get a better idea!!!**_


	19. Chapter 19: Assuring Pitter and Patter

_**I received a personal message from **_**twilight hood**___**about a song she heard that reminded her of my story! I listened to the song, and had the same reaction as she did; which is basically "OMGOSHHHH"! Just in case you want to hear it too, the song is **_**The One- Vanessa Carlton.**_** It's an awesome song, and if you Google the lyrics, you will be know what the hype is about!**_

_**So thank you **_**twilight hood**_**, because of your song, I was also inspired to get my next chapter up! And thank you everyone else who reviewed! I never thought I would make it pass the 100**__**th**__** mark on reviews!**_

_**Characters belong to S.M, and not me, sadly. I just make you hate Edward and love/pity Bella all the more!**_

***

_As the tender and tremulous music faded, I felt something wet dripped onto my palms. There were those tears again; the very same one that flowed when I waited and waited for his message or calls that never came, and felt my heart breaking all over again._

***

I eventually got home when a drizzle started up and jolted me out of my trance. I finally shut off the delicate and precious musical box of mine and set it down gently beside me before I started my obnoxious truck. The drive home was short and quick, and when I pulled up at my garage, I turned to look over at the Cullen's one. It was a habit that I had developed of late.

Through the rain that was coming down harder and thus fogging up my vision, I could make out the startlingly bright colour of Alice's Porsche, in its usual position between the jeep and the Vanquish. At the far end of the garage, there was empty slot, mirroring the hollow and dull ache in my heart. The silver Volvo and its owner were not back yet.

I pulled my coat even tighter around me and blinked away the raindrops that were getting into my eyes. _Were there tears mixed with those droplets as well? _I did not want to know. Tearing my gaze away from the Cullen's house, I grabbed my shopping bags out of my truck and jogged into the house, making it through the front door with only a slip of my foot or two.

I deposited the groceries in the kitchen and dutifully arranged them into their appropriate places, before throwing my coat off and picking up the rest of my bags to head upstairs.

After I set my shopping bags down on the floor, I went over to my bedside table and glanced down at my cell that I had deliberately left at home. The screen was black out and I stared at it for a second or two longer before eventually picking it up diffidently. Unlocking the phone, a picture of Alice, me and Edward smiled happily back at me as the screen lighted up. That picture was taken last spring before all of us left for our various colleges. I was squashed in between Alice who had a little too much to drink, and Edward who was smiling crookedly. _**My favourite crooked grin.**_ I have not seen that for almost a month already. In that picture, I was also beaming like a Cheshire cat that had caught a fat canary for dinner. I hardly, if ever, saw that grin this holiday.

Still no messages or any calls. I knew I was clinging on to ridiculous hopes now. I sighed and placed my cell phone back onto the table with a little more force than necessary. Pulling the dampish hoodie off, I pulled my brown locks out of my ponytail and tossed the rubber band carelessly onto the bed. What I needed right now, more than anything else was a good, hot shower.

***

Claire de Lune waltz softly in the background as I sipped my mug of hot chocolate slowly and reached for Alice's dress. Removing the price tags, I folded the dress carefully and wrapped it in a soft pink wrapper that was dotted with small roses. When my wrapping for that dress was done, I stretched my arms over my head and peered down at the shopping bags down by my feet. The only ones left unwrapped were Edward's gifts.

I bent over and picked up the score sheets and the shirt, placing them charily onto the table. Without meaning to, my eyes moved to look at the musical box which had been left open for the last hour or so. Claire de Lune was still repeating itself and I reached over to close it. Without the company of the music, the house lapse into a dismal and grim silence.

The crystal piano and its suited pianist caught the light from my lamp and the reflections bounced around, creating quick, fleeting rainbow coloured light around the room. _**Quick and fleeting.**_ The words were so fitting. Ten years came and went in a wink of an eye, and I cannot help but wonder if the feelings I had harboured for Edward were all just a dream. _A dream that I do not want to wake from, after having fallen in so deep._

There was a storm brewing outside. The lightning is flashing madly, and the thunder is hollering, wrenching the house from the overwhelming silence every now and then. Raindrops splatter against my closed window panes and beat against them with a constant pitter patter.

I felt an urge to run outside and sit in the rain, to let the rain come down and wash over me. There is always something so refreshing in the rain; it is like washing away the old and distant, and getting lost in the new and rejuvenated.

But instead of doing that, I stayed right where I was and reached over for a blue wrapper. I folded the shirt with care after I had removed the tags, not wanting to create a crease or wrinkle in the soft, sensuous fabric. I placed the shirt on top of the musical score sheets and quickly finished wrapping his gift. On the front, I sprawled "Edward" in bold onto the gift tag, and prayed feverishly to the spirits of Christmas that this would not be the last Christmas present I am and could prepare for Edward.

As I tied the gift tag onto the present, I found myself muttering under my breath.

"_I don't want to lose you Edward. I don't want to let you go, but you're already so far away from me. Edward, if we're meant to be, I pray to all the higher beings that we will meet again, before I leave. I cannot go away, without knowing if I still have a friend in you. I can swallow those unrequited feelings, but I can't lose you."_

When I completed the final knot, I glanced down at the completed gift in front of me and deep down in my heart, I felt a quiver and sighed. _Will we meet before I leave?_ I decided not to pin any hopes, because the higher my hopes get, the harder I fall. And that raw pain was still freshly engraved in my mind, I even have a scar left over on my left knee from that fall on Homecoming about than a month ago.

***

Glancing out at the rain that was still hammering down, I recalled the one who was in my thoughts and heart telling me that he loved the rain once upon a time. I never really fully understood why, up till lately and then I found myself falling in love with the rain, especially in the nights too.

On nights like the one tonight, I sit here in my room, overlooking the sceneries outside, imagining the wind whipping against my hair, hearing the constant pattering, with the assurance that everything that once happened was not simply just a dream.

Three more days before I go away and tomorrow I am going to fill Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett in on my plans. I climbed languidly into my bed and before long I fell asleep to the assuring pitter pattering outside.

***

_**Alright, I know this one is really short. I actually meant to bring Edward back in this chapter, but then Bella wants her emotions to be written out again, and me, being her slave did not have a choice. If I do not split up the next chapter into 2 parts, then Edward will probably come in. But then you know the characters have a life of their own and sometimes I absolutely cannot help it when they take me on a detour! **_

_**I initially planned this story to be a 20 chapter one, but I'm on chapter 19 already, and Bella hasn't even gone to England! Pardon me, my dearest readers and I hope you enjoy this one! Please do review and nag at me if you absolutely must see Edward in the next chapter, or just share with me a steaming cup of hot choco! Both are loves (:**_

_**Back to my books! Adios!**_


	20. Chapter 20: Flying off the Handle

_**I'm sorry, really sorry for the slow updates. Last week was crazy. There were tears, anger, so much anger in the week, that I could barely find the time to clear my head and sit down to write. Then I had to be struck with some kind of viral infections, which led to a serious case of vomiting. **_

_**Aside from all your awesome reviews which I got for the last chapter, and the 1500 hits, everything else was so crappy last week! So here is the long awaited chapter which I wrote while still being out of school sick. Enjoy and review!!!**_

_**Characters belong to Steph Meyer, who without her, there will be no Edward and Bella for me to mess around with.**_

"**To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.**"  
_**William M. Thackeray**_

***

_Three more days before I go away and tomorrow I am going to fill Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett in on my plans. I climbed languidly into my bed and before long I fell asleep to the assuring pitter pattering outside._

***

When I finally pushed myself out of the comfort of my bed, the rain had stopped but the skies remained overcast. I could hear the sounds of the roads being swept from my room and the soft chirpings of the birds and the occasional engines pulling out of my neighbors' driveways. These were sounds which I had become used to. They provided a certain sense of comfort that only home could bring, and I could not help but wonder what sounds I would awake to when I left.

Arranging the comforter back into place, I tossed the doors to my wardrobe open and sat at the edge of my bed, trying to decide what to wear. Today was the big day! I was going to tell Alice and the gang about my plans, and if it succeeded and I come home in one piece, I needed to pack my stuff soon.

Finally settling on a white T-shirt and a pair of dark green track pants, I entered my bathroom and waited for the hot water to heat up. Leaning against the cool wall, I found myself wondering if I had to wait for the water to heat up in the United Kingdom! Unceremoniously, I found my thoughts wondering back to those days when I would lean against the cold tiles and thinking of…

_**No, no, no! **_I could not let them drift over to that again. I had made up my mind to leave, and have a nice, new start- _One where I learn to live without Edward, one where I can be strong, even if Edward was not by my side._ I was determined to see my plan through, even if it kills me in the process. After all, what could have been more painful than losing a parent and a loved one? I doubted that I could feel any more pain and numb.

***

The shower was refreshing and rejuvenating, like the rain that I had watched pouring down last night. I stood at the sink, drying my hair as I watched my reflection staring back at me. Something looked different about me, I had a new determination coursing through me, and I felt an unfounded strength in my being. I wanted so badly to have a new start that I was resolute in getting what I want.

Stepping out of the shower, I walked over to my phone, still on the bedside table and typed out a quick text to Alice, telling her that I would be over at the Cullen's in approximately fifteen minutes. When I was done, I tucked the phone into my back pocket and made my way to the kitchen for a mug of coffee. I figured that it would be a good idea to have something stronger to prep me for the intimidating, petrifying and puppy-eyed looks of the unpredictable Alice Cullen, not to mention Emmett, Rose and the overly calm Jasper. _**Who knows what could be lurking under those waters?!**_

Two mugs of coffee and ten minutes later, I was standing in front of the Cullen's porch and ringing their doorbell. I swallowed twice and fisted the hem of my shirt as I waited for someone to open the door.

"Hello Bella! I've been waiting for you to call all morning! I knew you had something up your sleeves, please tell me what it is? I've been dying to know almost all week!"

I gulped nervously as I take in what Alice had said the moment the doors flew open. The little pixie always had a sixth sense that something was about to happen and I was amazed by her abilities sometimes. She was dressed in a lavender sweat suit, presumably from one of those expensive brands.

Smiling timidly, I finally nodded and said, " Err… Hi Alice!"

She waved me in and bounded over to the den on our right. I crossed my fingers behind my back secretly and followed her in, only to find everyone else gathered there.

The television was on and the Xbox was plucked in, but nobody was playing it. Rose and Emmett who were snuggled on a loveseat were staring at my direction, while Jasper who set on the floor against the couch that Alice was on raised an eyebrow at me.

It was like a déjà vu moment, whereby they discovered what I have been hiding and decided to do this the slow, torturous way of tormenting their prey. I gulped again at the image in my head, and the voices at the back of my mind which I kept suppressed successfully were on alert and screaming at me to get out of the house.

I stood at the entrance of the den, and took a deep breath before finally lifting my arms awkwardly in a wave. They were quiet for a moment, and then as though in slow motion, I watched as Emmett rose from the loveseat and came around to where I was. He swept me into one of his breath-crushing hugs and grinned over the top of my head.

"Hey Kiddo! What have you been doing huh? We miss you, don't we Rose?" Emmett pulled back and shot a glance in Rosalie's direction. She smiled and stood up as well. I watched as she came over and patted my hair.

"I guess I did miss the girl who suggested the coronation of Gangster Rosalie." The smirk she flashed as me caused a tiny giggle to escape from me. I could not help the smile from breaking across my face. The next few minutes were shared in a group hug as everyone exchanged greetings and friendly hugs. _Boy, I would definitely miss my friends when I was gone._

The thought brought me back to reality and I cleared my throat nervously. Alice took a look at me, and called for everybody to settle down.

"Everyone, I think Bella has something she wants to tell us all. What is it you want to say Bells? Get it out of your system right now!"

Everyone sat down and Jasper raised his eyebrows at me again. He grinned lightly and smiled.

"Yeah Bella, you looked like a nervous wreck when you came in. Calm down and tell us, we're your friends, our job scopes are to support you."

I glanced appreciatively at Jasper and took a deep breath, taking the chance to have a good look around the room, at all the familiar faces. I knew that Jasper was right, they were my friends. They might lunge at me for making a decision without consulting them, but they will support me regardless. _They supported me through the whole Edward crisis, for goodness sake!_

I kept my eyes trained on the spot above the television and taking in a deep, quick breath, I made my announcement.

"I'm really, really sorry, but I have decided to go on a study trip to the United Kingdom. It's supposed to be about eight months, and I'll probably be back next August. I know you will hate me for not telling you sooner, but I felt like this was something I had to decide on my own…"

I found myself trailing off as silence engulfed the room, making it seemed constricted and I felt slightly claustrophobic. _What would their reactions be?_

I adverted my gaze to take in the sight before me. Emmett's expression was the easiest to read. His mouth hung open and the lines on his forehead were wrinkled up in a mixture of shock and surprise. Rosalie looked as cool as ever, her mouth set in a fine line as she arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow when I caught her eye. Jasper did not flinch at all when I broke the news but instead had a questioning expression.

And Alice… well Alice… She looked devastated, for a lack of better term. Her face was all scrunched up, and she looked as though she was going to start tearing.

I swallowed edgily and looked at her as she made her way over to me. _Is she going to cry? Is she going to tear my hair out? Why is she coming towards me like she's stalking her prey??? _

Unconsciously, I took a step back but Alice was quicker than I was. She caught my arm and tugged at it anxiously.

"Isabella Marie Cullen! How can you go and desert me like that?" Alice's voice was a little higher than a screech as she continued tugging at my arm relentlessly.

I flinched slightly at the use of my full name. The only other times my full name was used were before my mother's death (when she felt like I was driving her crazy) and when I made Edward mad, seems like Alice caught on to using it as well.

Jasper came forward and plucked Alice away from me, smiling pitifully at me.

"Al, I think Bella has no intention of deserting you Darling. Why don't you cool down and we can hear her explanation?"

Alice pouted but settled down against Jasper. Momentarily, I found myself being distracted by how the people in the room were coupled up, and I felt a flash of envy. Quickly shaking away that thought, I took a glance around the room again and began my explanation.

I told them about the letter that arrived in the midst of my self-desolation and confusion. I told them about wanting to discuss with them, but felt like I needed to make the decision alone. I explained that I made up my mind to stop running and fleeing.

At this point, Alice tried to argue about using the trip to flee again from the situation, but Rosalie hushed her and gestured for me to continue.

I smiled in gratitude at her, and went on to tell them about contacting Edward. I told them about the reply that never came, the hurt that followed, and how my final decision had been made. I told them about my father's response, my plans for the few remaining days and of my imminent departure for Princeton on the 23rd of December.

***

When I was done with my explanations and story, I looked up to see a room of wary glances and tearing ladies. It was Rosalie and Alice who finally responded by hurling themselves at me and engaging me in tight hugs. I stood gauchely and wrapped my arms around the both of them as they gave me their blessings to go.

Emmett came and stood beside us a few minutes later. He threw a light punch at me and ruffled my hair affectionately.

"Well Kiddo, I see your point. Have fun alright, and make sure you date some of those English boys. I heard that they're a romantic bunch!"

I found myself grinning immediately at Emmett, having predicting his response accurately. Jasper was not as cliché, he was still as calm and collected as ever. He hung back and gave me a thumbs up and a nod of approval.

***

As I stood in the middle of the Cullen's den, sharing hugs and a few tears with my good friends, I felt a slight pang that my best friend and that most familiar stranger was not here to share the moment. I felt a loss, as though I have finally lost him to the world. Shaking my head to clear the thoughts, I turned back to the hiccupping Alice who was offering to help me pack my bags.

***

So this too was done. I have informed my friends, all that was left to do on my list before my departure was to pack my bags, go for the dinner with Charlie and I would be on my way.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, wondering when was the next time I would be hanging out here with them.

***

_**Once again, I find this chapter getting a little too long to include Edward in. But I can honestly promise that the next one will see the return of our guy. So don't beat me up over that yet. (: Hot choco aka reviews for me please? I could do with loads of that in between all my frustrations with school and the vomiting.**_

_**Thanks everyone!**_


	21. Chapter 21: Through the Doors

_**HELLO! SORRY, sorry, SORRY, sorry!!!! I know that I took really long this time round for another update. Please do forgive! It's the same mundane, boring reason about school. **_

_**I might have not replied to every single one of my reviews from the last chapter, but I definitely read ALL of them! They are so, so awesome! Thanks a bunch! Keep leaving them, you know I love them!**_

_**Picture of Bella's outfit is in my profile! (:**_

_**Characters are Steph's and I would most definitely beg her to give me Edward, if I could.**_

***

_I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, wondering when was the next time I would be hanging out here with them._

***

I had planned an entire day for my packing to be done, but with three pairs of hands handling my small wardrobe and two others running around the house, rounding up items that I might want to take along on the trip, my new navy blue luggage, courtesy of Charlie and a pink suit case, proudly sponsored by Alice was all packed and ready to go within half a day.

After our teary reconciliation back at the Cullen's, Alice had break away from the group hugs and bounded up the stairs, reappearing again with a pink suit case. She plonked the suit case at my feet and looked up at me with her tear stained, determined eyes.

"You have to bring this along with you on the trip. That way, if you ever miss me, or if I ever want to feel like there's a part of me with you, it's there." She pointed to the pink suit case, her favorite one which was now sitting at my feet. I tried to decline her gift, but found it almost impossible to do so, hence that pink suit case was good and ready to go along for my journey as well.

***

The five of us took the suit case back to my house, and while Alice and Rosalie helped me to sort out the clothes I would need to bring along (which in their opinion was nothing from my cupboard but everything from theirs), Jasper and Emmett was left in charge by Alice to head to the grocery and buy laundry powder, soap and other necessities I had not thought of.

The pink suit case apparently came along with a couple of tops that Alice and Rosalie had gotten me during their last shopping sprees, and Alice had warned me not to be ungracious about them. Her explanation as to why I had to accept them was because she would not be able to do anymore shopping for me within the next couple of months. Her somber expression and low tone prevented me from denying her requests, but I stood my ground on packing my own clothes when they started sorting my clothes into piles of "Maybe" and "No at all".

Five hours and three groceries excursions later, the five of us collapsed on the couches in my den as we stared at the bags that were ready to go and brought down. I glanced at my bags and felt myself tearing a little. My friends were the best ever. I felt like there was a burden lifted off my shoulders as I turned and glanced at Rosalie getting a neck massage from Emmett and Alice who was seeping hot chocolate from the same mug as Jasper. The scene was heartwarming and I felt very thankful for their appearance in my life. Instead of the familiar stab of envy I felt when I glanced at them all coupled up, I felt an intimate bond, knowing that I could always count on them.

They left eventually after more harmless bickering like old times and Alice and Rosalie made plans for me to go over to the house for a makeover operation before my Christmas dinner with Charlie.

When I had tried to get myself out of "Operation Bella Barbie", Rose had reminded me that they would not be able to do so for the next EIGHT months, and Alice had pouted and told me I will not regret it. Between Gangster Rosalie and puppy-eyed Alice, I could not bring myself to say no… at all.

***

My sleep that night was restful and for once, those vivid dreams deserted me. It was a relatively quiet and peaceful night, and I awoke the next morning relax and at ease. To my surprise, Charlie was sitting at the table with his bowl of cereal when I came down, still in my pajamas. I figured that since Alice was probably going to have me scrubbed out as well, it was pointless taking a shower now when I would be having another at the huge bath tub over at the Cullen's later.

"Morning Dad!" I greeted him in a sing-song voice and sat down to pour myself some cereal as well. Charlie nodded at me, and mumbled an almost inaudible greeting while chewing. I smiled, and as I ate, I look once over at Charlie. His moustache was graying, signaling that age was catching up with him.

I blinked, and looked at my bowl intensely, already feeling the tightening knot and knowing how much I was going to miss the silent father figure in my life.

"…… So they need me down at the station in the afternoon for some investigation work, but I will be back at five to pick you up to go to dinner at the restaurant. Is that alright with you, Bells?"

My head whipped up at the sound of my name and I met Charlie's eyes, I forced a smile onto my face and nodded my head.

"Sure Dad, I'll see you later…" As Charlie turned to head out to work, I paused and called after him.

"Hey Dad? Be careful."

Charlie turned and smiled at me before nodding once and walking through the door. I smiled after his retreating figure, glad that we had a moment for silent bonding. Renee would be proud of us, I'm sure.

My breakfast was cut short when Alice and Rosalie came bursting through the back door and dancing into my kitchen.

"Are you ready for gorgeous Bella?" Alice was in high spirits as she tugged me out of my seat and dragged me with Rosalie in toll back to their house. I always wondered how that little pixie had so much energy in her.

***

I was right in my decision to skip my morning shower because Alice actually hired the professionals over to the house for an hour long massage. I cringed at the thought of busting Dr. Carlisle's credit card bill, but Alice just laughed and told me that it was Esme's idea and to relax and have fun.

I felt a swelling gratitude to Esme for being pampering me the way my mother would probably have. I did not have time to ponder over that because right after a quick soak in the Jacuzzi, the massage began. I felt the muscles in my body relax and the next thing I knew, I was hitting the sack.

I woke up to Debussy's Clair De Lune, and for awhile I felt slightly spaced out. The massage had ended and I could hear Alice humming in the bathroom. Just then Rosalie came into the room with a bath robe wrapped around her. She grinned when she saw me awake and came over to help pull me up.

"Ahhhh.. That was amazing!" The grin I flashed her was involuntary as I stretched my limbs. The professionals sure did a good job!

Rosalie chuckled at me humorously and chucked a towel and bath robe at me.

"Go on, take a nice soak in the shower and when you get back, Operation Bella begins!"

I stuck my tongue childishly at her back and made my way to the bathroom. The water was set out for me, and the familiar scent of my lavender and freesia bath overwhelmed me. Immediately, I felt that gratitude and fondness return whenever I thought of the people who loved and cared for me.

I stripped and step into the colossal tub, indulging in this pampering session before Alice and Rosalie had their fun with me. I closed my eyes, and let the scent engulfed me, shaking my head a couple of times to shoo away the memory of a velvety voice whispering to me that I smelled great. _Not him again! A day more and I was going, no need to think about him!_

When the hot water eventually started to cool, I climbed out and dried myself before heading out to see Alice and Rosalie in front of her dresser with tools in hand, prepared for their battle. I gulped slightly and made my way over to them.

***

"Surprisingly Bella, you're not making this hard for us. Usually it would take you at least ten minutes to calm down enough for me to start, but today you're such an obedient little lamb."

I glanced up at the talking pixie, and saw caught Rosalie's eyes in the mirror. She laughed and nodded her agreement.

"Well Alice, I decided that since I was going to be free of your clutches for the next eight months anyway, I might as well let you have your fun." I grinned as I saw the pout on her face.

"Don't remind me Bella! I just happened to forget that you're going to be gone tomorrow, and you go and remind. Forget, forget, forget…" Alice started to chant the words as she continued dusting my cheeks with all sorts of powder. I watched as Rosalie bit her lips slightly.

"What is it Rose?"

Rosalie looked at me from the mirror and smiled slightly. What she said next blew me away.

"I miss you already Bella. Eight months is going to be long."

I stared at her wordlessly as I let the impact of her words settle in. The next thing I knew, all three of us were cuddled together and hugging madly as I sat awkwardly perched on the stool before the dresser.

I felt a sob in my throat, but Alice stabbed me with her brush and told me to swallow back my tears and not waste her work. I swallowed rapidly and smiled capriciously. _I had the most unique friends ever!_

When I was ultimately done two and a half hours later, I was dressed in a dark blue sequined dress that fell to my mid thigh. The dress was paired with a pair of black leggings and a blue pair of pumps with the tiniest heels matched aptly with the dress. It was a gorgeous outfit, I had to admit. It might have been a little overdress for dinner with Charlie, but I figured why not since we were celebrating Christmas after all.

I was finally released to go home after Rosalie and Alice had completed their ogling and wooing. Making my way to my room, I could hear Charlie in his room. He was back earlier than I expected. Just as I was about to knock on his door, it swung open and revealed Charlie in a dark grey checkered shirt over a dark grey blazer. It had been awhile since I last saw my dad in a blazer and I could not help but grin at him.

Charlie cleared his throat nervously and when he finally spoke, I heard a slight crack in his voice.

"Hey Bells, you look.. Beautiful. Err, how do I look?"

My grin spread even wider at his compliment and I took a step forward to hug him. He smelled musky and fresh from the shower.

"Thanks Dad, and you look great too."

Charlie was silent, but the smile on his lips told me what I needed to know. He was happy.

He went downstairs to start the car while I quickly made a stop in my room to pick up everyone's presents. I figured I could drop by the Cullen's again later after dinner to hand them their Christmas presents.

Pausing slightly at the white paper bag, I glanced at the blue package inside and gave a sigh. There was no more room for regrets, and I was going to start looking ahead, instead of backwards.

I picked them all up and went downstairs to the porch to hop into the awaiting cruiser. I placed the bags carefully in the backseat and waited for Charlie to get in after locking the doors.

The ride to the restaurant that Charlie had booked a few days ago was quiet. Not the kind of silence that overwhelmed a person and makes them feel trapped, but the kind that was serene and comforting. I stared at my father's profile for a few minutes, and turned away to look out of the window at the scenery passing by. The neighborhood we stayed in was a beautiful one, and I failed to notice that before.

We finally got to the restaurant that was about half an hour's drive away, and I saw an all too familiar yellow Porsche parked outside. Shooting my dad a questioning glance, I watched as he grinned slightly and hummed under his breath. Charlie was humming!

As we pushed through the doors while asking for our reservation, I was picked up by a bear and spun around slightly.

"Surprise Bella! Merry Christmas!"

Emmett placed me back onto the ground and I stared at the beaming faces before me. The whole Cullen family was there with the exception of a certain man who owned a silver Volvo, but that was not something I was going to dwell into.

I turned to Charlie was shaking hands with Dr. Carlisle. Charlie had also planned a surprise dinner for me!

***

Dinner was an extravagant affair, in Charlie's terms. Esme had explained that there was no way she could let me leave without a proper "Bon Voyage dinner" as she puts it, and when she had approached Charlie, he very willingly allowed her to plan for the occasion.

I hugged Esme tightly and thanked her for the massage. She laughed and tucked her stray curl behind my ear.

"Sweetie, it's no problem. You will need it for all those travelling you are going to embark on. Now, now, remember to bundle up when it gets cold in the United Kingdom, and don't starve yourself…"

Carlisle stepped in at that moment and wrapped an arm around his wife.

"Esme dear, I'm sure Bella is a smart and careful child. She will be fine, won't you Bella?"

He smiled benevolently at me, and I laughed shyly, and nodded my head.

Our appetizers came, and as ate and drank our soups, I listened in to the chatters around me. Alice's plan for her fashion designing course, Rosalie's attachment to BMW, Emmett and soccer at college… Carlisle spoke about an ignorant patient at the hospital, Charlie discussing about the baseball game with Jasper. I had a fantastic family before me, and I never felt more blessed.

When the appetizers were cleared away and we were waiting for our main course, I got up and went outside to the cruiser, grabbing all the bags with the presents and returning to the restaurant again. The cold was settling in for the night.

I sat the bags down on my seat and stood to catch everyone's attention. They all turned to me with munificent eyes, and waited for what I have to say.

I cleared my throat nervously and was about to make my "Thank you" speech, when I saw them stared pass me.

Before I could turned around to see what it was that had gotten their attention, I felt the all too familiar arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders and a deep and velvety voice whisper into my ears.

"My beautiful Bella…"

His voice was so low that I thought this was another one of those memories tossed up again from the many we had shared. _It had to be another one of those damned memories!_

I shook my head to clear those memories away and felt a slight tightening of the arms around me. The cold that was exhaled near my ears found the sensitive spot, and I quivered slightly. I felt those muscles which had been pampered and massaged just this morning stiffening tremendously.

_No, no, no! It can't be… It can't be…_

Slowly and precariously, I lifted my head and my brown eyes clashed with deep green ones.

_**Edward.**__ It was Edward. Edward was back. Edward was home. Edward… Edward… I was in Edward's arms again._

_What did all this mean? _

_Why was I seeing him again?_

_Am I dreaming?_

_Where was Adeline?_

_And why did I have to see him again???_

***

_**Don't beat me up. I have actually written the next chapter as well. The whole scene at dinner in fact, but it would be really tedious to edit them together, and I'm already slightly crossed-eyes, so I had to stop here. I PROMISE THAT THE NEXT ONE WILL BE UP LATEST THURSDAY! Or maybe even tomorrow if I can hurry! (:**_

_**Thanks everyone, and keep reviewing and those chocolate flowing! Happy summer days!**_


	22. Chapter 22: Coincidence, not?

_**Okay, I know, I know. I get it, I was testing all your patience and I apologize! But then I can't stand it if I posted something filled with errors, and I had some more random ideas I want to add into this scene, so hence. But I kept my promise, I posted it even earlier!**_

_**ENJOY ENJOY, characters belong to Steph!**_

***

_**Edward.**__ It was Edward. Edward was back. Edward was home. Edward… Edward… I was in Edward's arms again._

***

When I finally recovered enough to move from my spot, Edward had moved over to hug his Dad and Mother, and Alice was trying desperately to catch my eyes. I shook my head slightly at her and watched as this green eye stranger and Adonis move back and forth before me, sharing hugs and hellos with my family.

I felt my legs giving way and Jasper caught me easily, setting me down on my chair, trying to seem that nothing significant had happened in front of Carlisle, Esme, Charlie and most of all, the stranger in question himself.

I sat on my chair and felt my gaze wandering over him, his tight muscles on his arms as he moved around, the way his blue shirt hugged his lean figure and the easygoingness in his eyes. _Am I dreaming?_

"Bella? Bella?"

Alice's voice was about three pitches higher as she waved her hands in front of me to catch my attention. I diverted my gaze at her, and she was smiling too brightly.

"Bella, Edward is back. Aren't you going to say hi?" I glanced at her and move my gaze back to the stranger, only to find him rocking on his heels before me.

"Hey Stranger!" He smiled as gave me the once over.

"You look gorgeous and beautiful, Bells. How are you?"

I must have looked like a complete idiot, standing before him and gaping slightly because I felt a sharp nudge on my ribs, courtesy of Alice. Jumping slightly, I snapped myself out of my trance-liked state.

Taking a deep breath to steady myself and my racing heart, I could feel his intense emerald eyes on me and the suspicious and worrying stares on my friends behind me.

Keeping my gaze firmly on the wall behind Edward, I nodded curtly once and cleared my throat slightly.

"Hi Edward."

I thought I saw a frown on his face, but it was quickly replaced by a grin as he reached over and interlaced his fingers with mine. I felt the jolt of electricity pulsing madly through me and thought that I would black out. Thankfully, it did not happen.

The reunion seemed to heighten the atmosphere for the adults but at the other end of the table, things were different.

As Edward sat down opposite of me, Alice started to clear her throat nervously. Rose was staring daggers at a confuse Edward while Jasper and Emmett were trying to seem detached from the situation. I gulped down my glass of red wine and signaled the waitress to top up another glass, hurriedly taking a few mouthfuls from the newly replenished glass as well. It was a tense and apprehensive atmosphere, all because of me.

I knew I had to do something. As much as I wanted to curl on my bed and hyperventilate, that was not possible. The new and reformed Bella was stronger than this.

Taking two more quick gulps, I cleared my throat again and gently patted Alice's hands. Rose saw the gesture and turned to look at me. I smiled softly at her, before turning my attention to the stranger in front of me.

"So… How's it going, Edward?"

The name sounded almost foreign on my tongue as it rolled off and I flinched internally. _Since when had the gap become so wide, that it seemed impossible to mend?_

"I'm good! But let's not talk about me, I was driving home when Mom told me something about you leaving, what's going on Bells?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and cocked his head slightly to his left, something he did when he was confused. Before I could answer, I could hear Emmett's edgy voice.

"Bella is going to London and meeting hot, gorgeous English men!"

I concentrated mostly on swirling my red wine around the glass and taking sips of it as Edward's eyebrows rose even higher.

"What do you mean by…"

Edward was barely through with his sentence when Rose cut him off.

"It means that she's leaving, moron! It means that she is going to London…"

"And she promised me that she will find herself an English hottie."

I watched as Rose and Emmett high-fived while Edward frowned deeper. He looked around the table and directly at me for an answer. It was finally Jasper that spoke up.

"Don't you know Edward? Bella signed up for a study trip that will take her around the United Kingdom. She's leaving tomorrow actually, that's why we're having an early Christmas dinner as well as a Bon Voyage dinner."

As Jasper spoke, he patted his friend on the back and laced his fingers with Alice's, smiling slightly at her. I could tell that the pixie beside me was sitting on the edge. So was I, and I felt more wine going down my throat as I tried to ease away my nervousness and frustrations.

I watched as the frowned was erased from Edward's face and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Bella, you're leaving tomorrow?"

I flinched at the accusing tone of his voice, but refuse to meet his gaze, preferring instead to focus on the cherry redness of the wine, which looked a little like Edward's as he pursed his lips together. I nodded and in a fake cheery voice answered him.

"Yeah! Isn't that great? I can't wait to go actually…"

Alice's nails were digging slightly into my thighs and I tried my best not to recoil, gulping more wine into my system instead.

"You're leaving, and you didn't find the time to tell me…"

Alice's outburst was sudden and out of the blue.

"You did not even call, how were we to tell you, Edward Anthony Cullen?"

I balked at her tone and heaved heavily. The night was turning into a disaster. I had to do something. It was easier for one person to get hurt than for everyone else to bear the pain as well. _Do something Bella!_

"Alice, come on. Don't be so harsh!"

I felt Alice's eyes narrowing at me and shooting me looks of being a traitor, but I smiled as warmly as I could and nodded my head at my friends around the table, silently asking for them to uphold their promises of not betraying me.

Alice and Rosalie's shoulders slumped dramatically and they turned their attention to away to their napkins, while Emmett and Jasper picked up their culinary to start on their main course.

Having their promise, I turned back to Edward and looked him in the eyes for the second time that night.

"It's my fault, I forgot to tell you, and it just slipped from my mind… I'm sorry."

Edward's expression was unfathomable as his emerald eyes bored into mine. I tried to keep my tone nonchalant and turned my gaze away quickly, afraid to drown in those depths and resumed staring at my wine.

At the other end of the table, the adults joked and made a toast while we joined in weakly. Not wanting to affect the atmosphere, I stood up to make a toast to everyone and shot a pleading look at Alice and Rosalie.

Not failing me, they stood up as well and we all made a toast to the future and another to a Merry Christmas.

The atmosphere returned to normal after all. Emmett started to crack jokes again randomly while everyone chatted like long lost friends.

I sipped my wine quietly and tried to block out Edward's stares in my direction. I could feel the foreign pulse of electricity in the air, and wondered briefly if Edward felt it too.

He kept his gaze firmly on me throughout dinner, and dared me to look back at him. When I finally did look up, I saw the deep and concentrated look on his face, and felt my breath got caught. I ended up making a trip, or rather running to the Ladies to calm myself down.

_Was he angry with me or was there something more to his look?_

He looked almost… hurt.

I immediately emptied my mind of such thoughts and reminded myself that he was the guy that had hurt me with his absence. Now that he was back, it should not mean anything else. He was just probably home for Christmas, that's all.

When that thought had successfully embedded itself into my mind, I returned to the table and readied myself to make the speech that had been previously sabotaged with a certain stranger's arrival.

"Okay everyone, I don't want to break up our little party, but I want to make a speech and a thank you toast! First of all, Charlie. Dad, thanks for supporting me with my decision and the new suit case, I love it and I love you! Carlisle and Esme, thanks for treating me as your other daughter! I cannot tell you how much it really means to Charlie and me. Emmett, you're the crazy brother who happens to be an awesome jock and a big huggable teddy, so thank you! Jasper, thank god for you because you help iron out Emmett's craziness!"

There were snickers around the table as Emmett high-fived Jasper and yelled "Teamwork!" I laughed and turned my attention to my two beautiful friends.

"Rose, I got to know you so much better this fall. It's great to have tough and sweet Gangster Rose around, especially when you know…" I trailed of and saw her nod, telling me she understood.

"Alice, you little pixie! You have to stop playing Bella Barbie you know! Anyway, I love you regardless and thanks for being the best friend a girl can have!"

Alice curtsy and slipped her tiny arms around my shoulders. I grinned as I lifted the wine glass.

"To family and friendship!" I proposed.

Everyone echoed and we toasted to a great Christmas. I gave out the presents and hugged everyone around the table as I handed out gifts. Esme was slightly teary and she stood to give me a gigantic hug which I returned appreciatively.

When all the gifts were handed out, I adjusted my chair to sit back down and saw the white bag with its blue package still at my feet. I paused slightly and thought back absentmindedly to the day when I had wrapped the gift while praying to meet Edward again.

Fate was granting me my wish, but at the very same time, it felt as though fate was taunting and tormenting me. _Coincidence or not?_ I did not really want to ponder.

I bend and picked the gift up. I turned around and looked into his green depths. They were still staring at me intensely, never once breaking my gaze. Holding his gaze as much as I could, I walked over to where he sat and handed him the gift. Edward stood up, and pulled me into a hug. I could smell his unique and sweet scent on him. His minty aftershave blending in with them.

He turned his head slightly and buried his face in the curls which Rose had done. I heard him take a deep breath and felt his strong arms tightened around my waist.

"Thank you, love. But now you will never find out….."

And before he finished what he had to say, he pulled away. I thought I saw a flash of pain in his eyes, but they were quickly erased as he smiled at me.

His hand lifted to brush the apple of my cheek, and he murmured almost inaudibly again , " Thank you , love."

I returned to my seat in a daze and found myself consuming more wine that I ever did in my entire life that night.

***

_**Alright, to answer a few questions that I've been bombarded with regarding Edward!**_

What the hell did he do while he's away?

**ANS: I would be giving away the plot, so I won't say… I might leak it every now and then when I reply reviews but not here! (:**

Where is Adeline?**  
ANS: Once again, giving away of the plot. (: Please so be patient. I'm not writing this in Edward's POV because it will make the pretty story unfold too quickly, and what's a good story without a wee bit of suspense? Hope you understand!**

_**And then, I would like to comment that what Edward said to Bella about not finding out… It's there for a reason, and for the plot to unwind itself; not to leave another big cliffy! Hahaha, you will know why sooner, or later! **_

_**Enjoy this chapter and review everyone! I love you guys and the chocolate you keep flowing for me!**_


	23. Chapter 23: How Art Thee

_**Alright, I'm getting questions and queries about Edward still, don't worry. He has an explanation, but it would be still awhile before I reveal it. Bella isn't an alcoholic, she's just nervous, and when we get nervous, we do tend to toy with our drinks and food more. It so happens she's drinking wine. (: **_

_**Here's the next chapter, and in this one, I really tried praying fervently that Edward belongs to me, but still no such luck.**_

_**Enjoy and review!**_

_**P.S: Some parts are meant to be sarcastic, and well just ironical! (:**_

***

_His hand lifted to brush the apple of my cheek, and he murmured almost inaudibly again , " Thank you , love."_

_I returned to my seat in a daze and found myself consuming more wine that I ever did in my entire life that night. _

***

"Bella, love, I think that's enough wine for one night. You look positively more flush than ever sweetheart."

I heard a soft voice whispering into my ears and I lifted my head from the wooden tables and squinted at the source of the sweet, soft whisperings.

Beneath the lights, there were two bronze heads, maybe three, with four pairs of emerald eyes gazing tenderly at me.

"Edward…?"

_Was that me speaking? Since when did I obtain an Italian accent?_ I tried to speak again.

"Edward, why are you sur.. surrounding me?"

There was that accent again! Who was that Italian girl speaking on my behalf? I tried to turn my head and look around for my pixie friend. Have I ever mentioned her? She's Alice, about five feet in height, maybe less and very hyper.

But where was she? I caught no glimpses of her spiky black hair, only more of the bronze ones.

"Oh Edward!"

That Italian sounding girl was speaking again, but there was no one else in the room but me. I decided that five Edwards in a room were a bigger and more complex mystery to solve rather than the Italian girl I can't seem to locate, and turned my attention back to the four, or five bronze heads in front of me.

"Oh Edward, why are you everywhere now? There are three of you, no four.. Hey there are five of you! You are everywhere now that I am leaving, but where…"

I felt myself hiccupped and so did that Italian girl. _She must be my twin!_

_Hiccupped. _

_Hiccupped._

I hiccupped some more and yawned loudly as I felt a pair of strong and warm arms wrapped themselves around me. I leaned into the source of warmth and breathed in deeply. The scent was way too familiar and I opened my eyes again to see who my personal heater was again.

_Hmmm… more bronze heads and more pairs of green eyes._ The clones of the Edwards were still around. Reaching up instinctively, I wrapped my arms around one of their necks and snuggled closer.

The soft voice that had prevented me from having more of my wine was once again at my ears.

"Sleep love, rest now."

And then a soft humming of a sweetly and vaguely familiar tune began. I felt myself yawned again, and the mystery of five Edwards were no longer of any importance. As my lids began to grow heavier, I heard the Italian voice whisper very softly.

"Edward…Where were you when I needed to know…"

***

Who knew how long I was unconscious for? Because the soft whispers in my ears that have lulled me to sleep were now replaced with high pitched and impatient ones.

"Bella, would you please cooperate with me? Flip yourself around, so I can get the dress off you!"

I felt a pair of tiny hands pushing me on my side. Grunting slightly, I flipped over and the Alice-liked voice clicked her tongue impatiently as I heard the zipper of the dress slide down.

The hands begin wrestling with me again as she continued to probe me in my sides.

"Bella, I'm trying to put a shirt on you, get up! I know you can hear me!"

I groaned as the voice got louder and the tugging got more frantic.

"That's it! I'm calling in the big guns! You have on the count of three to get up, or else Edward will be coming over and seeing you half naked!"

The voice of Alice's echoed in my ears as I moved to grab a pillow so that I could blocked out the shrill voice. _Doesn't she know that a girl needs her beauty sleep?_ I hardly thought that she would fulfill her threat anyway. _Edward seeing me half naked? He was not even back yet, how could he see me? _

My groggy and foggy mind laughed at Alice's empty threats and I clamped the pillow harder over my head, effectively blocking out the light from the bedside table and turning down the volume of Alice's voice.

Her voice was still rambling on, and for awhile I wondered who she was talking to.

"She won't move an inch…"

"She's like a log…'

"Bella refused to let me dress her…"

Rosalie. She must be talking to Rose. _Who else could it be? _Jasper and Emmett would never set foot in my room when I'm supposedly half naked right? Not that Rose nor Alice will allow that either.

I paused and loosened my grip on the pillow above my head just slightly. I heard a husky voice chuckling and more complaints from Alice. _Boy, won't that girl stopped already?_

I lifted my head to groan at her, mumbling incoherently about how long-winded she was being. I expected her to throw a cold bucket of water over my head and tossed the shirt to me and walked away, but instead I felt a pair of large hands cradling me by my waist, and the shirt that was supposed to be tossed at me was slid on easily.

"See Alice, isn't that much easier than blasting at me?" I said aloud and turned to burrow myself back into bed.

_**My bed had been miraculously replaced!**_ That could only be the explanation. It was now hard, but also warm and very cuddly. It felt like a safe haven and there was this sweet familiar smell. I curled myself and tried to snuggle nearer, and then… _my bed rumbled and laughed!_

I opened my eyes and immediately shut it. The lights were still on. _Those damn lights!_ I heard a soft click, and dared myself to peek with one eye, ready to shut it immediately if the lights were still turned on. But the room had fallen into darkness, and I opened my eyes hazily, looking around the room.

I was back at home, Alice was probably gone because the door was shut. _So why was my bed shaking with laughter? _Maybe there was a burglar in the house! The thought crossed my mind as I considered my next actions. I should probably take a baseball bat and hit the brazen fellow's head. _How dare he rob me?!!?_

My head throbbed slightly as I turned slightly to roll off my bed and go hunt for the baseball bat, colliding with a hard figure.

"Ouch…" My moan was involuntary as I rubbed the sore spot on my back. The bed rumbled and shook again! I sat up almost immediately and knocked my head against … _something_. I was not quite sure in that instant because this time the bed and I grunted in pain.

_My bed laughed and groaned in pain!_ Something was not right, even in my drunken state I could realize that. I turned around and looked behind me. _Oh my!_ My bed had miraculously turned into a handsome prince charming!

And I thought only frogs turned into princes. Those fairytales were not right, because beds turned into a prince too. A prince with green emerald eyes. _**WOW!**_

"Wow!" I exclaimed as I took in the silhouette of the prince. My fairy godmother must have heard my prayers. I beamed at the prince despite my throbbing head and smiled at him.

"Hello, I didn't know beds could turn into Prince…" The Italian accent was back, but I figured I sounded sexy enough, or at least as sexy as I could be in an old T-shirt.

The bed that had turned into my Prince Charming laughed heartily and smiled back at me. _I swear he had the ability to dazzle, just like Edward!_ He could dazzle me.

"Hello love, I see you're finally awake. How are you feeling?" Prince Charming reached over to sweep a lock of hair from my eyes and I stared at those long fingers of his. _**Wow.**_ Just like Edward's as well.

"I'm awake? Oh good! I thought I was dreaming you know, when I heard that burglar, and then I saw you, my Prince Charming sitting here with me on what used to be my bed…" I paused for awhile as I contemplated where we were sitting on. _If Prince charming was transformed from my bed, then how come I'm still sitting on my bed?_

I shrugged helplessly as I took another good look at Prince Charming. I felt incredibly brave tonight. My mind ran through some of the phrases that Disney princesses would used under my circumstances, and I decided upon the good old classics.

"Oh my handsome Prince Charming! What may I ask are you doing in my room?" I fluttered my eyelashes for a more romantic effect but my reply from Prince Charming was more laughter.

"Oh silly Bella. Seriously, Prince Charming? Tell me Bella, do you really think I'm your Prince Charming?"

I stared into those jaded eyes of his and listened to the velvety texture of his voice. It sounded so much like Eddie's.

_Oh yes, if he looked anything like Edward, then he could be my Prince Charming_, I decided.

I nodded my head vigorously and voiced a question in my head. Maybe it was not just one question, but a couple, but I could not quite remember anyway.

"Prince Charming, can I ask you something?'

"Sure love. What is it?"

"Why do you call me love?".

"Because you're my lovely Bella."

"Oh. How do you know my name is Bella?"

Prince Charming smirked and pinched my cheeks slightly.

"Because, my dear, I'm your Prince Charming. I would know your name."

"Oh I see, how did you get here, my Prince?"

"Alice called me over to help. I came in through the balcony."

I tilted my head to the side while thinking and processing what he said and Prince Charming mirrored my action.

_Alice called for the prince to come over, but he came in through the balcony…_ My mind whirled a little as I pieced two and two together.

"Oh I get it at last! Alice is a fairy godmother right? She gave me a prince. And you, well you must be Romeo. Romeo comes in through the balcony too."

I smiled triumphantly as I solved the puzzle, and Prince Charming/ Romeo smiled tenderly at me. He leaned over and pulled me onto his lap as he tucked my head under his chin. I easily found a comfortable spot at the crook of his neck.

I felt Romeo/ Prince Charming, or Prince Charming/ Romeo giving me a few kisses on my forehead and along my cheeks and I sighed in contentment. _Who needs Edward when you can have Prince Charming and Romeo?_

"Oh Romeo, do you know something. I think you're much better than Edward. Do you know whose Edward? Let me tell you, he's this jerk whom I've been in love with, but he doesn't know. And he's much better looking than you though, he has green eyes…"

I looked up at Romeo who was looking at me intensely with a peculiar stare.

"Oh your eyes are green like his… But anyway, he has these longer fingers too and he can play the piano very well. Can you play the piano? He even wrote this song for me, he told me it's a lullaby. But then he later ran away with his girlfriend. That jerk left me behind…"

I felt my tears fell and before I could raise my hands to wipe them away, Romeo/Prince Charming had captured my tears on his fingers and was cuddling me against him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Bella… I didn't know…"

I looked up into the eyes of my Prince Charming/ Romeo and offered him a smile.

"Oh no, no, no. Romeo it's not your fault. I'm talking about Edward. That jerk with the green eyes and long fingers like yours… Don't worry about it. You're much better than him! I like you better anyway…"

I wanted to offer more comfort to the distraught looking Prince, but my lids were beginning to weigh more than a ton and I found myself drifting off slightly. Clutching on to Romeo's big hands with my smaller ones, I laid my head back onto the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply.

"Romeo you smell nice, like Edward too…"

The familiar humming of my lullaby drifted into my ears and before long, I was completely out.

***

_**In case some of you didn't quite get the humor, Bella's drunk! I thought it would be pretty amusing for her to be in this way, being completely brazen and uninhibited while talking to Edward.**_

_**Do let me know what you think! (: Love lots, and many thanks!!!**_

_**P.S: The last chapter had almost 2.5k hits! OMGG! Keep reviewing and sending those chocolatey love!**_


	24. Chapter 24: So long

_**This took so long for so many reasons, but the main one was that I had some major disruptions and changes to my life, so now I can only write when I really get the time. Pray for me and family, we are needing it! **_

_**Enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry if it isn't perfect, because I wrote it at 3am, and its now almost 6am when I'm done! **_

_**Characters belong to Steph, I only own the angst I put them through. (:**_

_***_

"_Romeo you smell nice, like Edward too…"_

_The familiar humming of my lullaby drifted into my ears and before long, I was completely out._

***

Sometimes I wished I could stay in my dreams forever. They play out much better than reality does. There are nights when Edward existed more alive, and more vividly than he ever did, even in real life. There are nights when I dream about the tormenting and pain he inflicted upon me, but even in those nights I saw him and his dazzling green orbs, and his presence in my dreams were enough to comfort the all-too-familiar pain I felt. And there are nights when he became so real, so warm and the light of love in his eyes were so apparent.

Tonight was one of those nights. I never fit more perfectly in his toned and muscular arms, and the way my body molded around his was flawlessly and impeccably… well perfect. It was like as though I was made to stay in his arms for all eternity.

I stretched and flipped myself over onto my stomach, wanting to ignore the shrill ringing of the alarm, and the weak sunlight that was starting to stream through the balcony doors. But my ears failed me and I found myself groaning and reaching out towards the bedside table to shut the alarm off. I stretched again and took a deep breath. Something musky and familiar lingered in the air. Must be my imagination again, I thought to myself as I threw the covers aside and planted my feet on the cold floor.

I rose unhurriedly, taking time to memorize and bask in the homely feeling of waking from my own bed, something which I most definitely missed when I was away. As I arranged and made the bed, a picture on the bedside table caught my eyes. Beside my crystal piano musical box sat a photograph… one which I had not notice before. The girl in the picture wore what I had worn the previous night, and beside the girl stood a green eyed stranger. He had his arms around her waist, and he was smiling easily into the camera. The girl's eyes were hooded, and she was flushed. I recognized that as telling symptoms of having too much to drink. Even so, the girl's expression was imperceptibly guarded, she was guarding her feelings…_I was guarding my heart, was I not?_

My hands stilled at the task of laying out my comforter and picked up the picture charily. Alice must have sneaked into my room to put it there. I was intently studying the picture that was in my hands when my cell phone called out to me. Flipping open the phone, I found myself staring at an all too familiar, yet distant name.

The message was short, and it read, "Bella, have you seen the picture? Take it with you on your trip, and may it remind you that everyone is waiting back home for you. Love, Edward."

I dropped my phone then, like it was hot charcoal that had scalded me. _Why did he have to do this to me now?_

I looked again at the picture and attempted to fling it away from me, but an elegant script sprawled on the back ceased my actions.

Dearest Bella love,

I'm not even sure if you remembered what you said to me last night, but I will remember the look you had on your face when you told me whatever you said. Looks like I came home a little too late, didn't I? Forgive me love, I cannot say that enough. Enjoy London, and Paris, and wherever you set foot upon, because I will be 3663 miles away, awaiting your return.

Love, Edward.

_Why was he giving me a picture of us together? _I did not want to know the answers.

_What did I tell him last night in my almost drunken state? _

Suddenly, the answer did not seem so important. I was leaving, and there was nothing anyone, including Edward could do to make me stay. I needed space to heal; I needed to do this for myself. If I must do only one thing for myself, then this was what I needed. What I had, could have with Edward did not seem nearly as important as finding back the girl who laughed, really laughed.

I looked again at the elegant handwriting of the man I had come to love with all my being and felt the arising of my sobs. Quickly placing the picture back on the table, I all but flung myself into the toilet, abandoning the task of fixing my bed. I needed to fix myself first.

I stripped quickly, without looking at the mirrors. I did not need them to tell me how much of a mess I must look after having drunk so much last night. Turning on the tap to full blast, I adjusted the temperature up to the highest and launched myself under the water that was beating down, letting the heat soothe my pounding heart and screaming mind.

I stood there, not moving until the water became too hot to bear. I opened my eyes and readjusted the temperature into a more tolerable one before I started my shower routine. My arms were a little red from the hot water, but I felt much better. I could this; I will leave, no matter what.

_**I needed to be selfish, just this once. Let me be selfish, please.**_

After my hour long shower was done, I got out of the bathroom and dressed myself in the clothes Rosalie had gotten for me. It was a sweet gesture on her part, and I knew she was not the sort to cry at farewells. The red shirt complimented my hair well and the pants were fitting, but not to the point of unmovable, and I smiled to myself as I dressed. My first smile of the day.

I could only hope there was going to be more, for the day and for the rest of my trip.

Finally having done all the daily routines, I turned back to the task I had abandon before and fixed my bed. I dutifully straightened out any wrinkles and crumpled corners and place my pillows neatly against the headboard.

When that was done, I went over to my desk and picked up the post-its I had written the day before. I hurried into the kitchen and pasted my post-its in their appropriate places.

The one that read "Reheat in the microwave" went on top of the Tupperware of Pasta. The ones that read "coffee here" were pasted onto the cupboards that kept the groceries I had restocked. I left the reminders for Charlie to wash the dishes and instructions on how to fry the frozen fish near the sink and stove, and that was soon done too.

I walked out of the kitchen and went into the den to leave a note for Charlie to remember to turn off the switch before he went to bed at night.

There, now everything was completed. I sighed and climbed the stairs slowly back to my room, who knew when I would climb these creaky stairs again?

My room was tidied and bare of all my daily necessities, which were all packed away downstairs and ready to go. It seemed very ironical, that my life could so easily be transported and moved away. The only signs that I had once been around here were some of the remaining photo frames which could not be packed, sitting on the desk.

I went over to the desk and picked up my bag pack, ready to turn around and leave my old life behind. I was ready to leave the place I grew up in, I was ready to leave my father and the nest, I was ready to leave my old friends… I was almost ready to leave the man I love behind.

At the very last minute, I turned back again and paused at the doorway. Finally, I crossed the room and headed towards my bedside table. I gingerly picked up the crystal piano musical box and the picture Edward had given me. Folding the picture in half, I opened the musical box and the soft tingling sounds of Claire de Lune played. Bringing the picture to my lips softly, I shut my eyes and quickly slipped the picture into the box, before shutting it and placing it back into the box which the storekeeper had packed it in. I slipped the box into my bag pack as well, and slipped the bag onto my shoulders.

**Ready. Ready to see more of the world, ready to be free.**

I stepped out of my room slowly and paused a final time at the doorway, committing the comfort of home to my memory. I heard Charlie moving around in his room, and I knocked and called to him.

"Hey Dad, I'm going to go say goodbye to everyone else, then we can leave for the train station alright?"

Charlie voice gruffly told me to go ahead and I smiled at my dad's "I-just-got-out-of-bed" voice.

I laid my bag pack with the rest of my suitcases by the door, and walked out into the chilly December morning. I followed the path from my house that led to my favorite oak tree and stopped only to take a quick glance at the Cullen's house.

Most of the leaves had fallen from the tree and the earth beneath it was bare. Within a month, I was sure that the earth would be green again, and that the tree would once again provide its comforting shelter and sanctuary. I smiled to myself with this knowledge, and leaned against the trunk of my old oak tree.

I ran my hands over its course texture, admiring its majestic beauty and years of trials.

"Take care of everyone back here for me alright?" I muttered softly to the beautiful tree and closed my eyes, allowing the cold December winds to caress my face and hair.

"Everyone here will be fine, take care of yourself for me alright?"

My eyes flew open at the velvety voice that could melt my heart and looked up into those green orbs again. I could feel my pulse's natural reaction to quicken its pace and I took several deep breathes to calm myself.

Edward leaned against the tree as well, and handed a steaming mug of hot chocolate to me wordlessly. I stared at the mug and silently took it, inhaling the deep scent of warm, comforting hot cocoa.

"I thought I would find you here love. And I thought I would make the hot chocolate for a change." His voice was smooth and his eyes burned with an increasing intensity into mine.

My lips curled in response as I leaned forward to take a sip, allowing my hair to cover my blushing cheeks. Edward's hand flitted to my face and brushed the hair away, his eyes never leaving my face once.

"Bella love, you did not answer my question."

I looked at him questionably, and his emerald eyes twinkled under the soft sun.

"Take care of yourself for me, Bells. Eat, drink lots of water, try to avoid accidents, and stay out of the arms of other guys who will and surely throw themselves at your feet. If you can, stay out of their grasps altogether alright?"

His eyes burned with sincerity, and my heart sped up more. I was fighting a losing battle. Who was I kidding? This was the man I love with my heart, body and soul, and no distance would ever allow me to forget that. But I had to at least try.

"Edward…"

Before I could say more, Edward's hands were on my waist, and drawing me closer against him. And before I could truly react to the heat that was burning into my skin from his hands, his lips were on mine, like all the times I had dreamt.

It was a sweet chaste kiss, and I closed my eyes gradually and felt my legs wobble and give way. Edward arms were strong around me, and kept me upright and pressed against him. It was exactly the way I dreamed it happened, under our oak tree, his soft lips against mine, moving tenderly and slowly yet in sync with mine. If this was a dream, then I knew I was going to remember it for life.

My first kiss was with Edward, and it could never be better.

When Edward eventually pulled away, I found myself staring back into his hooded jaded eyes, my hands tangled in his bronze hair, arms around his neck. Edward leaned forward and touched our foreheads together before kissing my eyes. His lips grazed the spot under my ears and I heard an impossibly soft whisper, "Take care of my heart love."

And I opened my eyes and wondered if that was all a dream.

Edward picked me up on his back and gave me a ride back to the house where the Cullens and Charlie had gathered at the gate.

"Bella, you have to call me at least twice, no, thrice a week okay! I won't take anything less!" Alice was the first to bound up to me and squished me into a tight hug. Emmett was next, engulfing me into his tight embrace and booming at me to get an English boy to make him proud. Rosalie smacked his head and I laughed lightly. She turned to me and flashed me a warm smile. She hugged me and whispered softly, "Take care Bella, call me if you ever need everything. We will be waiting for you to get back."

I nodded my head frantically, wanting more than ever to stop the tears that were threatening to fall as I turned to Jasper who was holding a weeping Alice against his side. He let go of her and took a step towards me.

"You can do this girl! I'm sure you will find what you're looking for!" I smiled in relief at his words and we shared a brief but intimate hug before he returned to Alice's side.

Esme came up to me then, and buzzed about me like my mother would. Telling me to remember to eat my meals, take medication if I need them, and call them often. Carlisle handed me a first aid kit and offered cracked a smile at me when he said "You will need it."

This earned a chuckle from everyone and I graciously accepted it. Finally I stepped away from the Cullens and towards my dad whose eyes was bleary, and he was looking his hardest to keep up his front.

"Take care, dad! Please do not eat takeout every day, it's bad for the health alright?" He nodded his head but otherwise kept silent as we shared an awkward hug.

This was it, my point of no return. All the farewell speeches had been made, all the hugs and goodbyes done. I turned away and hurried towards the cruiser. Afraid that if I stood there any longer, I would cry.

As Charlie came over and started the engine, I looked out of the windows to see Rosalie huddled against Emmett, Jasper cuddling Alice, and Carlisle patting Esme's hands. Edward stood to the side, his green eyes fixated on mine. I thought I saw tears in them as Charlie pulled out of the driveway. He raised his hands in a goodbye wave, and I found myself wondering when my brown eyes would meet his green ones again.

I turned in my seat, and found that the traitor tears were falling rapidly and furiously. I was pretty sure that this was going to be the last time I cried.

"Goodbye Edward, goodbye my love." My heart murmured softly, and I knew that Edward could hear them. The tears fell again as I lifted my hands to wipe them away.

***

We reached the train station and Charlie helped me to unload my suitcases and load them onto the trolley. He pushed the trolley along the platform wordlessly and when we found my train, all set to go, he handed the luggage to me and hugged me one more time.

"Take care Bella. Call your old dad alright? I will miss having you around, kiddo." And Charlie cracked a watery smile as he turned and walked away.

I watched his retreating figure and called loudly, " Bye dad! Take care too!" He paused and turned around slightly, giving me a thumbs up before continuing on his way.

I boarded the train that would take me back to Princeton and found my seat by the window at the final call.

The train bell rang out again and it began to pull out of the station. I clutched the musical box in my hands and closed my eyes briefly as it sped away from home, from the place where I grew up with Edward in.

And when I opened them again, the greenery was flying past me outside the window and as my thoughts flew to Edward, the first flakes of snow began to fall.

"So long Edward, so long everyone."

I whispered quietly as I opened the musical box to let Claire de Lune flood over the chattering and allowed my eyes to take in the sight of snow falling from the skies.

***

_**I had one of the most life-altering weeks, and I was also on the verge of giving up writing for awhile, but then something happened yesterday and I found myself writing again to relief my pent-up frustrations and inhibitions. I'm sorry if you found this chapter a little too angsty, because well, I'm feeling angsty too. But share some of your love with me right now? I seriously need some. THANKS guys!**_


	25. Chapter 25: Dreams and Guesses

_I didn't want to drag the pace of my updates too long this time round, so here's a very, very short one. Even my sweet advisor for this chapter told me to lengthen it, but we finally agreed that it was hard to do so without destroying something about its feel, so here it is! THANKS TO __**InweTinuviel**__ for her sweet assistance! I mentioned her before, and she's just the greatest! Friend and advisor. (:_

_Family situations at home are still about the same, but I've taken on a more positive attitude, thanks for all the sweet reviews! I read and smiled greatly! Especially to __**Twilight's hood**__ message and __**x Eliza-Jane x! **_

_So everything still doesn't belong to me, that said, let's kick this underway!_

***

_I whispered quietly as I opened the musical box to let Claire de Lune flood over the chattering and allowed my eyes to take in the sight of snow falling from the skies._

***

"Bella, Bella, Bella!" A sharp, smooth voice with the ability make me tingle called out to me as I took another step forward to look at the park's lake spread out beautifully in front of me. Just as my feet started to shuffle forward, a pair of warm small hands grabbed me roughly around my waist, causing me to tumble backwards and hit a soft body. I rubbed my scrapped elbows and wailed as I turn around to hit the reason of my fall.

"Edward, Edward, Edward! I just wanted to see the fishes in the lake, they are pretty! And look; now my elbows are bleeding and painful! I hate you! Esme, Esme? Edward made me fall!"

My eight year old self huffed and pouted as I accused my savior for causing my fall despite my clueless attempts to almost drowning in the lake.

***

"Bells, Bells, Bells!" A velvety and similarly smooth voice, still with the ability to make me paralyze called out to me just as I attempted to make the jump Edward always did over onto my balcony. Just as my feet were about to leave the ground, a pair of warm hands, slightly bigger grabbed me roughly around my waist and hoisted me off ledge of his balcony. It caused me to stumble backwards and hit a hard body. I rubbed my scrapped elbows and glared at him as I turn around to attack the reason of my fall again.

"Edward, Edward, Edward! I could have jumped over there by now if you didn't stop me! You can make that jump effortlessly, so why can't I? Argh, look at my elbows! I hate you!"

My fourteen year old self huffed and pouted as I accused my savior for causing my fall despite my almost attempt to try and break a limp or two.

***

"Bella, Bells, love!" A velvety and slightly husky voice, now with the ability to completely dazzle me called out to me just as I planted and righted myself on the motorcycles Jacob had managed to find us. Just as my feet were about to kick off the ground, a pair of big and warm hands with dexterous fingers grabbed me ferociously and roughly off the motorcycle. I lost my balance and fell backwards, onto a toned and well-defined body. I could feel his muscles through his T-shirt as I turned around to shoot him an accusing stare, while rubbing at my bruising elbows.

"Edward, Edward, Eddie! You did it again! I'm telling you, I am perfectly capable of riding a motorcycle, why can't I? Even Rosalie could! Oh shit, my elbows are bruising again. I hate you!"

My seventeen year old self huffed and pouted as I accused my savior for causing my fall despite my almost adventure of becoming paralyze and bedridden.

***

"Love, Love, Bella!" A velvety voice rough around the edges, the dazzling factor still intact despite being slightly hoarse called out madly to me. I paused and stopped under the sign that read "Departure". Turning around slightly, I thought I saw a whirl of bronze coming in my direction. Quickly, I hastened my pace and made it through customs, turning only once to see a pair of sad green eyes looking at me. They were accusing me of so much, and I shivered slightly…

***

"Edward, Edward, Edward!"

I jerked myself upright as the owner of those sad green eyes opened his mouth to presumably tell me that he hated me.

The girl beside me turned and looked at me strangely, staring appallingly at the music box in my lap, then at me. I blushed crimson and shrank back into my seat as I pulled the ear plugs out of my ears and tossed them carelessly on the food tray in front of me.

"I'm sorry."

The apology was a mumble as I stared at the floor of the plane, too embarrassed to meet the eyes of the girl who was now chuckling slightly at me.

I think my face was now the color of a tomato, a very ripe tomato, and I fixed my gaze firmly on the ground, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Hey there, it's no problem. It's just kind of funny because you have been clutching that music box so feverishly while you were sleeping, and calling for this guy, Edward. Are you alright?"

Her voice was soft spoken and sweet, and after I was certain that I was no longer ten shades of red, I looked up at her and smiled slightly. _My first smile since leaving home_.

The girl smiled back in return, and patted my hands slightly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. My name is Angela by the way. You are here with Princeton as well right?"

I nodded my head and finally took in all of her appearance. A book sat open on her lap, and she wore a grey Princeton pullover. Was she on the trip with me?

I finally decided to open my mouth and introduce myself. I was never good with strangers, even back in the younger days. If Alice and Rosalie haven't taken a liking to me and made me their friends, I think I would have been pretty lonely while I was growing up.

Another thought of home, another thought that involve a Cullen, which eventually led to thoughts of the one Cullen I really, really missed.

I shook my head so slightly to clear those intruding thoughts and smiled at her.

"Hi Angela, my name's Isabella, but please call me Bella. I'm also on the trip to the United Kingdom with Princeton. Are you travelling alone?"

Angela smiled right back at me and told me that she was on the trip with Ben, her boyfriend sitting across the aisle. He smiled and waved when she introduced us. For the rest of the trip, Angela and I talked. We talked about our lives in Princeton, where we were from, our dreams, our aspirations, how she and Ben met, and eventually she asked the dreaded question of who Edward was.

Angela was a nice and sweet girl. She was not affirmative like Rosalie, or energetic like Alice, she was more demure and simple, and very truthful. I took an instant liking to her, and answered her questions to the best of my ability. I explained about the music box, my feelings for Edward, all to someone whom I met on the plane.

And when Angela asked if Edward came to the airport to stop me from leaving, I paused and exhaled the breath I did know I held. That dream earlier had been so real. _What would I have done if Edward had stopped me from leaving? What would have happened if he had come to New Jersey and stopped me from leaving?_

Not knowing the answers were frustrating, but the 'what-ifs' scenarios were even more vexing.

I glanced at Angela to see her patiently staring back at me, and I finally resolved and told her about my dream, the flashbacks from my childhood and time spent with Edward, how I secretly hoped he will stopped me, but the truth was never simpler and non-dramatic.

**He never came to the airport.**

**He never once stopped me from leaving.**

_What did it all represent?_ I wondered briefly for the millionth time since I boarded the train back home to go back to Princeton. Now here I am, on Boxing Day, sitting on an airplane, heading for London Heathrow, but still none the wiser.

***

When we landed almost ten hours later, I felt exhausted and genuinely worn out. I tried to go back to sleep on a few occasions, but the dreams were repetitive. I found myself looking back at my eighth year memories, the fourteen and seventeen year old moments, and finally at a scene that I wished, but never happened.

We fetched our luggage amongst the midst of travelers and I spoke briefly to Ben, who was a gentleman in many ways. He loaded our luggage into the bus, and was jovial and humorous. A perfect match to the quiet and thoughtful Angela.

As I watched the couple in front of me walking up the steps to board the bus, I found myself staring at their retreating views and wondering what it must have looked like to the eyes of a third party when Edward piggy-back me home across the field, and away from our old oak tree.

The bus driver whose name was Mr. Eddie, of all ironies, horned and I snapped out of my daydream. I took a deep breath of London's air, and lifted my foot onto the steps.

Here I stood on another continental's soil, away from Edward, almost three thousand, six hundred and sixty-three miles apart from Edward. Is the distance enough?

I dug into my jeans pocket and took a quick glimpse at the photograph. His green eyes met mine. I guessed this was the way it was going to be. Brown eyes meet green ones, but only in the pictures and in dreams.

I boarded the bus and the doors clanged shut behind me, as it pulled steadily away from the curb onto the busy roads of London.

***

_**Forgive me, I know, its REALLY short! Almost twice shorter than the last chapter. And I apologize. I will post the next chapter as soon as its done! (:**_

_**Lots of love and chocolate! Review and let me know your thoughts!**_


	26. Chapter 26: Answers I Need

_**This is the longest chapter I ever, ever wrote. Somewhere along the way I had help from my favorite **__**InweTinuviel**__** again. (: She's awesome! This chapter was so long, it was getting difficult to proof-read, and I will try my best, but if you do spot any mistake, feel free to point it out! (:**_

_**And to those who showed immense concern and sympathy for me when I was going through my quarter-life crisis, THANK YOU. The problem still exist, but I've learn to cope! **_

_**As always, the only thing I owned is all the angst, and the eventual happy ending. (BIG HINT!!!)**_

***

_I boarded the bus and the doors clanged shut behind me, as it pulled steadily away from the curb onto the busy roads of London._

***

I stood at the edge of a cliff and looked down at the trees that grew tall and straight from the slope below me. Partially blocked from my view were the beautiful green waters of the Rydal Lake. The depths of the water below was beyond my imagination, but at the back of my mind, I was making a guess as to whether the depths of the lake or the depths of those green orbs I remembered explicitly were deeper.

_Must be those green eyes of his. _

The dog-eared photograph which I was clutching tightly in my fist was the subterranean yet lone source of all that ever happened two months ago. That picture was my unvarying source of reminders for so many 'firsts' which I experienced. The first time I leave home to go away, far, far away… The first hot chocolate he made for me… The first time I felt my heart flickering with hope that the feelings could be reciprocal, but having to swallow that hope back in because I was not ready to face the music should anything happen… And most importantly, that was the invariable reminder of my first kiss, _my first kiss with Edward. _

Heck, even without the crappy photo which had become my security blanket, I could still definitely remember… _Remember the way his lips felt on mine, the way it moved and molded itself against my lips. The soft texture of those plum red lips, the subtle scratch of his whiskers against my cheeks, his sweet breathe on my face, and the way my heart lurched and the butterflies danced in my stomach._ They were embedded into my memory and scorched into my soul.

My lips exhaled an involuntary sigh as I recalled those beautifully vivid sensations; I guess nothing is ever easy. Even, and especially forgetting.

This was the new life I was settling into in beautiful London. I continued to stare wide eyed around me. It was now spring in late February, but despite it being spring, the weather was still fairly cold. The cold sweet breeze brushed across my bare skin, sending a wondrous chill down my spine. The fresh crisp English air was delightful. The tall majestic pine trees stood silent, overlooking the crystal-clear lake. I smiled, a feeling of tranquility washing through me as I took several deep breaths. I had long thought I had forgotten how peace felt.

Pulling my jacket tighter around me, I turned to look for Angela. We had gotten closer as the days passed in England. We were roommates for the last two months, and in that short time, she had become my new confidant and friend. As much as I missed Alice and the guys back home, I was glad I had met Angela on the trip. She reminded me of Alice and Rose sometimes, but without the ferocity and energy.

As I gazed around my surroundings on Rydal Mount, home of the great William Wordsworth, I was astounded by the beauty and vibrancy of nature. The flowers bloomed in shades of magenta pink and pretty violets, the leaves were a rich green from the constant rain that showered over England. There was so much beauty around me, but there was one beauty constantly nagging me at the back of my mind. I felt peace and tranquility from nature, but my heart still ached for that missing piece constantly. To say that three thousand, six hundred and sixty-three miles apart were far enough, would be an understatement.

I once read a book that mentioned that it took three times the amount of time you know a certain person to truly forget and move on. I know Edward almost all my life. **Three times twelve equals to thirty-six.** Thirty six years before Edward would become an evasive character in my life, _where would thirty-six years lead me? Where would thirty-six years lead him? Where would thirty-six years see you at?_

I finally spotted Angela and Ben, cuddling together about five feet away from me. I surveyed the couple before me for awhile, watching the beauty of their love surrounded and enveloped by nature.

I can see why Wordsworth had so much beauty in his words now. The garden he owned was enough to make me cry.

Angela and Ben were wrapped around one another, oblivious to the world as they admired the beautiful work of the creator who made the lake amidst the mountains. This was indeed heaven on earth, if I am permitted to call it that. Beautiful, spectacular and picturesque seemed dulled in comparison to the love of the couple before me against the beautiful scenery.

_Will I ever find a love like this?_

_**Specifically, would I find love like this in the one man I wanted?**_

I closed my eyes and took in the gulps of unpolluted and unsullied air as my thoughts flew back to that sacred kiss we shared under our old oak tree again. The way the electricity pulsed through me as our lips connected, the way the heat from his hands seemed to scald and engraved itself onto me… Crap, this was always on constant replay in my mind!

The majesty of the pines trees reminded me of the oak tree back home, and I wondered if Edward had been back there after I left. _Was he with Adeline now?_

My questions were unanswered, because I had cut off contact with him. When he called, I rejected them. Later, I left it go to the voicemails and although I listened to the messages he left, I never returned his call. In December and January, the calls were frequent. He called countless of times daily, but they have lessened now. He was probably sick of me ignoring him. I keep telling myself that this was for the best.

_Strong Bella could persevere and ignore the temptation, strong Bella knew what was right for her, and being with a man who might not love you in return was not a smart move. Strong Bella did not need reminders of the way her heart stopped beating without his presence._

But somewhere, my heart ached, and pined to be held the way Angela was held in Ben's arms_. Protected, and loved._

Absentmindedly, I flicked my bangs that have grown longer over the last two months out of my eyes, and took my camera out to capture a picture this beautiful scenery so that I could send them back to Charlie and Esme, and email them to Alice and the gang, of course.

I took a look over at where Angela and Ben stood again, and could not resist capturing their embracing figures with the beautiful backdrop. As expected, the picture was perfect. Such a Kodak moment!

Not wanting to interfere on their private time, I walked downwards and away from Rydal Mount, towards the shops in Lake District. The place was beautiful. Earlier on, we had taken a boat ride to cruise along the river, and I saw lavished houses hidden amongst the trees on the hills, overlooking the lake. The whole lifestyle was so surreal and quaint, I was immediately attracted to come and live here someday. I wanted so much to share my discovery of a hidden sanctuary in the Northwest of England, and there was no one other than Edward that I wanted to talk to. I knew he would understand what I meant when I described about the place.

But we were not talking. At least I was not talking to him.

"_Save your heart, Bella. It isn't even worth to go through it again_." My self-reminder worked a little as my hands flew to the scar on my knees from the fall at Homecoming. Another memory to scrap away, another scar to remember the occasion by.

I walked aimlessly along the stores, having another hour or so to kill off before we head back to our meeting destination. I bought several random souvenirs and a couple of postcards to remember the place by, before walking towards the body of water in the distance.

I reached the pier that housed a few swans and ducks frolicking by the edge of the water, and I was only captivated further. The beauty was exquisite. I took out my camera ad snapped pictures of the mountains reflected on the lake and of the beauty of the nature. Hopefully, I would get the chance to share these pictures with him.

I finally let loose a laugh that was carried away by the winds. He was still in my thoughts. _**Always there**_.

Can Edward hear me? It doesn't really matter in the moment, because I knew in the very least I was in his thoughts as my cell phone started to play Claire De Lune, a tune specially allocated to Edward's contact.

I hit the "End call" button and stretched my hands above my head, basking in the sun that was finally out, and enjoying the sweet crisp air. With a final look and sigh, I turned around and walked across the pier, back to our meeting destination.

Till the next time I come back to Lake District.

***

I woke up with a startle after hearing a distant voice echoed my name again, and again. In this dream, I saw a red broken tail kite, flying against the blue cloudless skies. It was the very same dream that I have had since last week.

The kite floated in the air, it was broken, but it was free. The skies alternated between clear blue skies that reflected the beauty of summer or the grey ones when a drizzle finally broke. And there was me in the dream, always in a room, looking out from a window, gazing at the skies until I spot the red broken tail kite without its string, without anything molding its course, just floating in the skies.

As I pushed the blankets away from my sticky body which had broke out in perspiration while dreaming, I sneak a quick glance at the clock. 4.30 a.m. and the sun was slowly creeping up from its rest below the horizons, it was another gorgeous summer morning in May.

I went over to the other bed in the room and stole a quick sneak at Angela who was still sleeping, her pillow tossed over her head. I must have been sleep talking again! She only did that when I was frustratingly noisy at night.

Embarrassment and gratitude flood through me. She had become one of my closest friends in the progress of our journey on foreign soil. She tolerated me through my almost-nightly sleep talking and the inconspicuous absence of my heart several times.

I went over to the desk against the window overlooking the beautiful city of Edinburgh in Scotland and pushed the chair back as softly as I could against the wooden flooring. Settling myself onto the chair, I pulled out my turquoise spiral notebook and a pen. I started to write, allowing my creative juices, and the words to take over.

I wrote about the red broken tail kite, I wrote about its voyages and miscarriages, I wrote about the blue and grey skies. _And then, I wrote about how the red broken tail kite floated in the skies with such abandoned isolation, and how it travelled with lonely desolation. Of how it floated in the skies with such fervor emancipation, and how it travelled with such sweet liberation._

I stopped writing only when I heard Angela stirring slightly. I started to turn around to look at her, but got a shock when I saw her standing directly behind me, reading what I had wrote over my own shoulders. Apparently, my IPod was tuned up and my attention was so focused on the piece of writing at hand, I had failed to notice her. The look in her eyes was incredulous and she opened her mouth to say something. I held up my hand to signal her to hold on, while I threw the notebook close and remove the ear plugs in my ears.

"Okay Ang, what do you want to say?"

There was a momentary pause and I wondered briefly the thoughts that could be running through her head. How long had she been standing there and what had she seen exactly?

The pregnant silence was penetrated awhile later, when she finally gave a soft sigh and opened her mouth.

"Bella, you still miss him don't you?"

I decided right then that between the incredulous look, the sigh and whatever she had seen me write, and my best defense was to remain silent. Taking my silence for her to continue, Angela went on.

"Bella, there is no point denying. I know you miss him. I see it in your words; I see it in your face and the way you write. You hardly speak about him in the last few months, but sometimes, when I see you with the faraway look in your eyes, I see your mind reminiscing. You really do miss him…"

I felt that knot tightened somewhere in my body, and I tensed considerably.

"Angela, it's not like that. It's just this dream I had. I'm just writing about it…"

"Well Bella, I honestly think that the broken tail kite represents you. You come to the United Kingdom in search of something. The trip is a source of a refreshing start, a travel for you to experience emancipation and liberation, but your heart is still lonely and desolated, is it not? Listen Bella, I'm only saying this because what you just wrote broke my heart. You might not know, but although you don't talk about him, you still call to him in your sleep."

I felt my hands went numbed and my mouth clamed shut. _Was this what my dream represented?_ I didn't know exactly, because the words Angela had said were now echoing feverishly in my mind.

"_You really do miss him. You really do miss him… you miss him don't you?"_

The biggest problem laid in the fact that even I do not know the answer to that particular question myself. I do not find myself pouring through those memories as frequently as before; in fact I was pretty confident that I had buried everything that belonged with him in a bottle and tossed it into the bottomless pit of my heart. But here was that bottle again, resurfacing and making me ponder. _What had I done right? What had I done wrong?_ I didn't have the answers.

Life was not entirely just black and white. There were grey shades in between, and I was in the midst of the grey shadows. Finding out my blends of white, fine-tuning my shades of black; there wasn't yet an answer to my own questions.

I took a deep breath and managed a shaky smile at Angela.

"Ang, don't worry about me. It was just a dream which I found interesting and wanting to document it. This is after all a trip to enhance our writing, no? Come on, let's not waste anymore time! I see that the sun has fully risen, and there is no reason why we should spend our day cooped up in this room when there is a beautiful gothic city filled with history for us to explore! I want to see the Loch Ness Lake too!"

Angela raised her eyebrows in her signature "if you're sure" look, and I suppress the urge to tear. She held her hands out to me, and pulled me off my seat, engulfing me in a tight hug.

"Bella, don't pretend, I'm your friend." The words were a soft whisper in my ears, and I was instantly bombarded with the image of Edward whispering to me.

_No!_ The bottle had to be buried again. I returned the hug as best as I could without breaking down, and excused myself to take a shower.

The rest of the day was well-spent. We explore the crooks and nooks of Edinburgh. The beautiful centuries old castle with his deserted past and histories, and did so much shopping that will make Alice and Rose proud.

***

I stared at my laptop intensely and reread the email from Alice.

_Date: 20__th__ July 2008_

_Dear Bella,_

_Do you remember what day it is today? Just in case you're having too much fun in the United Kingdom and breaking guys' hearts every other night, it's Edward's birthday today! _

_Listen my dear friend, I know that you have been rejecting our Eddie's calls, and I did not want to intrude on your decision earlier. I'm sure Angela (who seemed like a less hype version of me in your emails) has probably done that part of questioning you. BUT today, just today, that's all I'm asking, you could perhaps do us a favor and drop him a text? _

_You have got no idea, but every time he calls you and it goes into your voicemail, he gets pretty darn upset. And long distances call from his school to mine isn't that cheap. Not that I'm complaining, I'm just saying the money could be better spend on a pair of new season Jimmy Choo! (Have you seen it Bella?) You probably haven't anyway._

_So I'm ranting, but as always I miss you tons! Can you believe it??? It's July, which means you have been gone for half a year! Six months! I really do miss my best friend. Summer vacation was not the same without you._

_I love you, and write soon alright?_

_P.S: Call Edward, pretty please?_

_Love, _

_Alice._

The next email was from Rose, and her mail contained pleas to call Edward as well, '_as a basic form of courtesy between friends_', quoting her. The only difference her email was to Alice's was the fact that she made references to Gucci and Prada and not the new season's Jimmy Choo.

I sighed as I read their emails, moving forward to Jasper's. He was more subtle about reminding of Edward's birthday, but mentioned that they planned to give him a surprise on the weekend, and asked if I would like to chip in for the gift.

As for Emmett, well, he was Emmett. He told me to _"screw Edward's birthday, and hit the bar for more English guys_", but proceeded to remind me that Rose was asking me to read her email, and to do as Rose says. Ironical, but amusing nonetheless.

So after reading, and rereading the emails, here I am sitting at my desk up against the wall. On my right was a window overlooking the bustling town of Manchester. It was late in the summer, but the skies were slightly overcast, a shower on its way again. I calculated the time and realized that it was almost evening back home, as compared to my early afternoon in England.

_Decisions to make, how do I make them?_

I picked up my phone that was sitting idly on the table beside the laptop, and reach over to the musical box for Claire De Lune to play. It was my lullaby to sleep as of late. Strolling through my calls list, I counted the number of times Edward had called in the past week. _Only three._ The amount of times he was calling has been on a constant decrease, and even if Mathematics was not my strongest subject, I would have told you that the tangent on that graph was negative!

So when another lower tune of Claire de Lune started to play, and my phone started to vibrate, I all but yelped and dropped the phone onto the bed. It kept ringing persistently, calling out sweetly to me, like heroin beckoning the addict. I craved the sound of his velvet yet husky voice. I craved the sound of his soft musical laugh. I was done for, and I picked up the call.

"Hey.." My voice came out soft and raspy, my heart beating traumatically and excitedly against the ribcage.

"Bella, it's me again. Looks like I've got your voicemail… again. How are you? Have I mentioned this week that I really miss you…" The velvet voice sounded agonized as it spoke, and I realized with a start that he had thought he had gotten the voicemail again.

It was now or never. I could open my mouth, say hello, greet him his birthday wishing and hang up, like how a normal friend would… or I could be a coward and allow him to think that he did get the voicemail. Being strong Bella was to say something now, being weak was to hang up the phone, and be forever silenced. _I chose strong._

"Edward, it's not the voicemail, it's me…"

His name sounded raw on my tongue, yet at the same moment, I siphoned off the taste of how it felt on when it rolled off my tongue. It was like running into an oasis in the middle of the Sahara, feasible and necessary.

"Bella, love… Bella? Is that really you? I thought it was the voicemail… You picked up!"

The agonized voice from before was now transformed. It was lighter, smoother than velvet or satin, and I could not help the smile from breaking across my own face.

"Hi Edward, it's been awhile.."

"Awhile, Bells? Seriously, it's been six months and counting. And if you know the equivalent, that is already two hundred and nine days. Half a year, Bella! It hasn't been awhile at all, it has been a long time. A bloody long time, I might add."

I paused as I listened to the way his voice flared as he made his stand. _Two hundred and nine days?_ Was it accurate? _Had he been counting?_ I thought we had been apart for much longer. It felt like years since we last met. I was suddenly overwhelmed.

"Edward, I'm sorry. You know me, I tend to miss my calls. Anyway, here I am now, right?"

There was a long pause on the phone, and I heard the air leave his mouth as he sighed. _The way his breath felt against my ear_… I shivered involuntarily at the thought. My heart picked up its pace as I awaited his answer, which only came after a few minutes of silence. And it was not an answer I expected.

"I miss you so much, love. I thought about you everyday…"

The velvety voice died down again, and I gasped slightly, feeling that overwhelming sensation once more. I took several deep breaths to calm my nerves and ease my pounding heart before speaking again. My façade and resolve was back in place, and I was not about to let some mushy words bring me down again. _At least I hope not!_

"Hey Edward, I miss you too! Anyway, happy birthday…**buddy**. I hope you enjoyed your day. I'm sorry for not calling back, but I had tons of stuff to attend to. Anyway, I should probably go now, there's this place we're suppose to visit today."

The pause was shorter this time, and when Edward spoke again, his voice was careful and hesitant.

"You remembered, Bella.."

_Of course I would Edward, you're the guy I loved for years. I can't forget that easily even if I begged myself to_. The thought ran through my mind, and I shook my head and sighed softly.

"Take care alright, love? I won't ask that you call me every day, but please, at least pick up my calls once in awhile?"

"I'll try Edward. Take care too…"

"See you really soon love. Keep my heart safe." The last sentence was said in a whisper and the line went dead. I must have been imagining that line, I convinced myself. He must have said something like keep yourself safe, and not keep my heart safe… _**Right?**_

I stared at the phone in my hands and the sound of Claire de Lune played on in the background. I felt conflicted and discarded, as though I had been uprooted and thrown into the desert again.

***

Only three things were coherent at the moment, the resolved which I tried to build in the last six months had evaporated the moment his name came up, three thousand, six hundred and sixty-three miles were clearly never far enough, and it was useless resisting the drug when I needed it so badly. _Just what am I suppose to do?_

_I needed answers to my own questions, but I held none._

_***_

_**Okay, hooray! Another one done! The end is looming people, if I keep this up and keep updating every 4 or 5 days, I did say a few more weeks to go for me! Wow, time flies, don't it? Review and let me know what you think! You know I love them and I always try to reply! ((:**_

_**P.S: Have you seen the pictures of rob pattinson in NYC? Madly hot. :D**_


	27. Chapter 27: A Closure, An Opening

_**Two updates in a week! How long haven't I done that? Basically the reviews spurred me on, and although I did not feel chapter 26 was a suspense, many of you apparently did! So how could I leave you all hanging for a few more days? ((:**_

_**Btw, for those who pm-ed me, Lake District, Manchester, and Edinburgh are places I have been to and loved. (:**_

_**I own only the plot and the stuff they go through. The gorgeous characters ain't mine, sadly.**_

***

_Just what am I suppose to do?_

_I needed answers to my own questions, but I held none._

***

For my own personal sanity, I **should not** tell Angela, Alice, Rosalie or any other souls about the call with Edward. _Why should I?_ It probably did not mean anything to him either.

He's probably on his way to meeting _Adeline-what's-her-name_ for a birthday dinner. I thought dully to myself as I analyzed the conversation, however short it was, in my trusty notebook that night in July.

**Two hundred and nine days.** The number flitted through my thoughts once again. That man had once again succeeded in reminding me of his existence, although I did my utmost best in the last six months to avoid it.

_How does he do it?_

_Why do I let him even try?_

My mind was still in the shades of grey, the whites were not any clearer, and the blacks were not any sharper. I did not have an answer. I was still the red broken tail kite. Wasn't I?

The thought about the red broken tail kite had me smirking and shaking my head ironically at the way things were. _Why couldn't I make this any damn easier?_

After the call had ended, I had immediately thrown a light cardigan on and grabbed my bag to head out. Anymore time spent with the walls and silence were going to drive me to the brink of sanity. I was practically hearing voices in my head. Did I say voices? Scratch that. There was only one voice. _A velvety, smooth voice._

So that afternoon, I ended up in a crowded mall without Alice, Rose or even the reliable Angela. I walked around aimlessly, the loneliness in my chest growing more profound with each passing moment. I gave no thought to the stores that I walked passed until a dark green hoodie caught my eye. It sat in front of the store, calling out to me and beckoning me to run my fingers across the smooth texture.

I found myself imaging the Adonis wearing this green jacket, how it would fit his toned arms and hugged his perfectly sculptured abs. The green would highlight the jaded shade of his eyes, and bring out the copper shade of his hair.

And before I could even contemplate what I was doing, I was in the store, reaching for my purse, and purchasing that jacket. The feeling of making such a great and fitting purchase made me smile, and cheering silently under my breath… until I remembered who was the supposed receiver of my on the spur of the moment purchase.

My heart drooped and started to race and my mind was once again haunted and irked by the velvety voice. Tugging on the ends of my hair in a desperate and hopeless attempt to clear my head, I clutched onto the bag like vice and stomped out of the mall, cursing my impulsiveness and the creator of shopping. **Damn it!** _What was I even thinking?_

So barely three hours after I left the hotel, I am back again. Back to where it all started, positioned before the desk that faced the wall and scribbling madly into my notebook.

I chewed on the ends of my pen absent-mindedly as I stared at the peeling plasters on the wall. On the floor beside me sat the bag that held the green hoodie, mocking me and deriding me of how he always had an impact on me, of how he could walk out of my life and in again.

A shower… a cold shower would be what I need! I am beginning to sound like a manic.

_ARGH!_

Maybe I am. Because as I stepped out of the cold shower shivering slightly with the robe wrapped loosely around me, I found myself walking over to the space between the shopping bag and the desk and reaching for that offensive green material, pulling it on over my boxer shorts.

I am now absolutely positive that I would surely pass the test for insanity as I heard a soft, musical chuckle near my ears.

***

I threw myself onto the big queen size bed in the hotel room in Nice, France which had been my home for the last three weeks, and found myself staring at the exquisite chandelier hanging just above the bed. Angela was shaking her head at how I could come back and simply lie in bed after a whole day out. It never failed to irk her and made her bewildered. I turned my head and stuck my tongue out at her playfully before resuming my staring at the chandelier.

When I was about twelve years old, Edward and I had wondered what would happen if the chandelier at his home dropped, and out of curiosity, we asked Emmett, who was the founder of the 'Operation Chandelier'.

Said chandelier at Edward's home did not have a happy ending. It ended up on the floor, broken crystals scattered over every possible surface. I have got a small scar on the base on my foot as a souvenir of our experiments.

That chandelier at his home was now replaced with a smaller one, perhaps out of fear that we might try to experiment with it again. I giggled at that thought and a smile broke across my face. These memories were always beautiful even if the man who shared them with me did not have a happy ending with me. _What are happy endings anyway?_

Angela who had heard me turned to face me and gave me another one of her incredulous look.

"Bella, have you packed your bags? You do remember that we will need to leave for the airport at 5 p.m. tomorrow do you?"

My smile froze on my face as I looked over at the digital clock on the bedside table_**. 30**__**th**__** August**_. Today was the 30th of August, and tomorrow would be the 31st. Our last and final day in the United Kingdom. As a reward to us for holing up in the room for a week to write our essays, Angela, Ben and I had gone on a small tour of the city. We visited the Castle Hill, and had a picturesque and scenic view of the bluish green seas and the beautiful light golden coast of the city of Nice.

_Has it really been eight months? _

Wow. Time flew indeed. The world keeps rotating, it keeps spinning, regardless or not if you're keeping up.

Ever since the 20th July, otherwise known as Edward's birthday, I stayed away from his calls. I never answered and I did not even permit myself to listen to the voice messages he left, except a couple of times when my will was weak and my heart longed to hear.

Another two months had gone past just like that. My era of escapes and my journey had come to an end. This part of my life was now in its closing chapters, and it was almost time to go home. Back to Charlie, back to Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett, the Cullens and…** him**.

Time had not ceased the pain and loneliness entirely; time dulled them instead. Time created a void in my heart and time did nothing to stitch up the hole. Time gave me a sense of power, time enveloped me in solitude. Time gave me a friend, time brought away some. The time was nearing, and I was dreading it entirely.

Edward had counted two hundred nine days on 20th July, and I had kept the count going. We were apart for two hundred and fifty-one days.

251.

That was 68.7% of the year, a little less than three quarters of the year.

_Seems like my math is improving._ That was such a cynical and untimely thought that crossed my mind as I sighed inwardly. There wasn't going to be an end to all this mess, was there?

I stared at my suitcases and luggage which were sprawled open beside my bed, clothes and accessories overflowing out of them. I had gotten another suit case in mid August as the souvenirs and shopping became too much to squeeze in. Draped on top of the pink suitcase given by Alice was that green hoodie I had bought without a second thought. It had come back from the laundry today, and it was now well broken in.

After that crazy night where Angela found me crying my eyes out in bed in the green hoodie, this jacket had become my constant source of comfort and warmth, especially when the weather had started to turn cooler now.

I would always remember that night of insanity, as Angela so aptly calls it. She had returned from spending a day with Ben that night to a weeping mess, which was me.

She had taken one look at the quivering bulge under the blankets, shook her head and sighed softly, before defying rules about not going to bed until she was clean by throwing the blankets off me and sliding in with me.

She made no move to talk, silently slipping an arm around my shoulders while I cried. For more than an hour, she sat with me silently, occasionally patting my arms or hair and sighing, but making no attempts to stop the hysterical.

I eventually stopped about an hour and a half later. Angela claimed it was two hours later.

She had handed me the box of tissue, and dapped on my swollen eyes while I sniffed and did my best to tell her. She listened silently, not making any comments until I was done talking. After which, she tucked me into bed and patted my hand, speaking to me only for the first time that night.

"No more tears okay Bella?"

And as she soothingly patted my hands again, I fell into an exhausted slumber.

***

"Bella! I have been calling you for the last five minutes! Where have you gone to?"

I snapped out of my reverie and stared at Angela who was crossing her arms and frowning at me. I smiled slightly at her and sat up on the bed.

"I was thinking about what you said to me that night, Ang. Do you remember what you said?"

She stared at me as though I had grown nine heads and in a softer tone asked, "Thinking about him, Bella?"

Angela was had a neck for reading me, and answering me in forms of questions shot back in my direction. I paused for awhile as I considered my answer. _Was I thinking about him?_

"Bella, I know we are all going home tomorrow, and in less than twenty four hours, we will be back in the same continent as Edward, but I want you to know, that regardless of everything, I'm still going to be your friend. So for as long as you need me, I will be there okay?"

A genuine smile broke across my face and I saw the crease in between Angela's brows easing.

Bouncing off the bed, I threw my arms around my roommate for the last eight months, two hundred and fifty-one days and in a hoarse whisper murmured my eternal gratitude to her.

After a few more lighter and playful exchanges, and my promise to pack my bags after my shower, I grabbed the green hoodie and headed into the bathroom for a nice warm shower as the starting of the fall winds blew outside.

_Some habits die hard._

I tousled my hair dry and with my left hand, wiped the mist that had formed on the mirror. A girl in a green hoodie with brown eyes and brown hair stared back at me. _Will brown eyes meet green ones again soon?_

I could only wonder, as I flung open the door and gave way to a whining Angela who claimed she had urgent matters to tend to in the bathroom. I smiled as I side stepped her and walked over to my suitcases to do the packing.

In a little more than twenty-four hours, I will be home. And I cannot wait to see my old oak tree. Fall was after all, when everything had begun last year…

***

_**Fall had always, always been my favorite season! What's yours? Looks like I have almost, almost gone one full circle haven't I? Very soon, you will know what Edward has been up to, so review and let me know some of your questions about Edward. Hot chocolate and love will be great! Thanks all!**_


	28. Chapter 28: Liar, You're a Liar!

_**I need to apologize to those who left awesome reviews but did not receive a reply from me. That isn't really my kind of thing, and I always try to reply to them, but work was crazy this week. **_

_**A slightly longer note because I need to answer some questions and queries which I have put off answering!  
1. **_**What the hell is Edward up to?  
You will find out in the next chapter, or the next next one! (:**

**2. Why is Bella pushing him away?  
She's doing that because she's afraid of love. Love leaves her with scars and the pain is still raw, so she's afraid of it. She does not want to leave herself to hurt. **

**3. How did eddie feel?  
Yes, next or next next chapter too! (:**

**4. Did Edward change schools? Is Adeline around still?  
Maybe, maybe not. Again, will find out soon. (:**

_**As always, I can only wish I own the man with the green orbs.**_

***

_In a little more than twenty-four hours, I will be home. And I cannot wait to see my old oak tree. Fall was after all, when everything had begun last year…_

***

I jogged quickly towards the public toilets and tried to be as polite as I could while shoving my way towards the empty sinks. I turned the taps and cold water flowed down instantly. Bending over the sink for support, I splashed my face with cold water and took several deep breaths.

Geez, I really, really hate flying. And turbulence was definitely on its way to being on my worst enemy list.

When I was positively sure that the room was not spinning any longer and my eyes could once again refocus, I looked up and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Droplets of water were trickling down my cheeks and dripping back into the sink when it reached the curve of my chin.

I let out a breath of air which I had not noticed that I was holding and smooth my hair down. There was not much I could do about my pale complexion after flying for hours on end with turbulence as a constant companion on the ride home.

Taking one last look at my reflection and tucking the loose ends of my hair back into the twist at the nape of my neck; I walked out of the toilets and looked around the airport. **Home, I was back.**

I found Angela and Ben waiting for me by a pillar where I had hastily abandoned my luggage to make a dash for the toilets. It was nice to be back on solid ground.

"Bella, you look really pale..." Angela stared at me worriedly and voiced her thoughts.

"Dear, she just looks paler than before. She's always pale… I sometimes wonder if Bella is a vampire." Ben grinned good-naturedly at me, and I could not help but to stick my tongue out at him.

"Ang, your boyfriend is teasing me again! Are you going to help me?" I turned my head in the direction of Angela who was laughing and shaking her head.

"Kids…" Her mutter might have been under her breath, but I heard it nonetheless. As I move to hold her shoulders, Ben grabbed her sides and tickled her. The three of us were soon bent over breathlessly, laughing and grinning in the otherwise quiet airport.

As we caught our breaths and chuckled slightly at heaving Angela, I heard someone calling my name in the distance, and I instinctively turned to look.

"Charlie!" I waved at him and jumped on the spot, feeling surreal. My old man had come to pick me up!

I was ecstatic and excited, but as the adrenaline rush tamed down, I felt a pang. My trip had officially ended now. I turned to look at Angela and Ben and they gave me an affirmative smile.

"So Bells, we will see you back in Princeton after the holidays alright?"

I nodded my head mutely, willing the tears not to come down. My emotions were in a jumble today.

Angela stepped forward and gave me a tight hug, whispering softly before pulling away.

"Bella if you see him over this holiday, I want you to do all it takes not to run away anymore alright? Give yourself a chance, give him one too. You never know what might come out of it."

And then she stepped away from me, patting my hand and smoothing my hair.

"Bye Bells!" I turned away from them and waved my goodbyes at the couple before me. Charlie was reaching us and I lugged the trolley that held my possessions and walked in his direction, feeling tears of assurance, lonesomeness, joy, confusion all mixed together rolling down my cheeks.

When I got to Charlie, I sniffed loudly and all but wrapped myself in his arms as though I was eight again.

"I really, really miss you Dad!"

Charlie stance was slightly rigid, but he returned the hug awkwardly, and in the softest tenderest voice which I had ever heard him speak, he told me he missed me lots too.

The ride home from the airport was unlike any other rides I had taken with Charlie. It was not quiet, nor was silence present in the car. He asked about my trip, and I could not help but tell him about the beautiful places I have seen and been to, and about Angela as well. He seemed pleased that I had enjoyed my time there, but told me that he was even happier that I was back safe and sound.

The silence only came when I eventually drifted off to sleep, tired and completely exhausted from a hell of a ride in the air and from the lack of sleep in the previous night.

I was not sure how long it was later when Charlie finally nudged me gently and woke me from my slumber, joking that I had become too big and heavy for him to carry me through the door. I smiled and rubbed my eyes sleepily as I unbuckled the seat belt and stepped out into the cooling air that smelled like home.

In front of me was our old porch, looking just the way I left it eight months ago. The house was dark and quiet, and the dark skies told me that it was already way past dusk. I turned around and looked across the field, wanting to catch a glimpse of my oak tree, but the darkness was blinding and I finally gave up.

I turned to go into the house, and my resolve finally broke as I turned my head to look next door at the Cullen's. Their grand porch was lit in a soft orange glow, but the rest of the house was dark and in deep slumber.

I thought I saw a room light flicker when I turned and headed back into my home.

***

I awoke to birds chirping outside on the balcony and curtains fluttering around my room in a serene dance as the gust of winds swirled and blew around them. I stretched lazily and closed my eyes again, muttering sleepily.

"Angela, get those curtains…"

I yawned and turned in my bed, expecting to hear Angela's grumble back at me, but there was nothing. Only the fluttering of the curtains.

That was when I jumped out of bed literally and sat up straight against the headboard. I was home; not at some isolated, luxurious hotel with Angela**. I was home.** _Back at where everything began_. The thoughts that were in my head were incoherent, and I closed my eyes and gave a low groan.

Knowing full well that sleep was never going to come back to me anymore, I gave in to fate and got out of bed, dragging my jetlagged body into the shower and closing the door loudly behind me. I stared at my reflection and reached for my toothbrush, but found none.

I haven't unpacked yet. Grumbling slightly, I made my way out of the bathroom and went over to my suit case, retrieving my daily necessities and some clean clothes, laying them on the bed as I headed back in.

Eight months ago, I would not have grumbled at how slowly the water heated up. But eight months and twenty hotels rooms later, I was grumbling as I stood under the freezing water, trying to push the heater to hurry up.

I dressed casually and carried all my washing downstairs, deciding that I shall clean the kitchen while the washing machine got my laundry done.

Inevitably, everything was soon done and I could feel my grumpiness growing. I knew I could not put this off any longer.

I wanted to revisit the site of my first kiss. I headed upstairs to grab a coat and telling Charlie that I was going for a quick walk, I was out the door.

***

The cobble roads leading up to my tree was dusty and littered with leaves, the colors of fall. The oak tree looked the same, old and bent, and inviting me into the tranquility of its shadows. Everywhere I turned, nothing seemed to change. It was all the constant, and unchanging; as though perpetual.

The same place where I grew up, the same place where my mother left me, the same place that found me my best friend, and the very same place where I lost my first kiss. I shuddered slightly at the memory and sat down under the tree.

The leaves that were scattered under it were beautiful. Brown, yellow, orange, red and the occasional green. Fall was always so beautiful and peaceful, and I felt my grumpiness starting to fade as the quietness and serenity settled around me.

My thoughts were just as scattered as the leaves. Anxiety, want, need, hopes, dreams, confusion, contentment…

I was lost in my reverie and did not hear the quiet footsteps approach, or I would have bolted and gone straight home; but when I did notice, he was already standing in front of me, one hand against the trunk of our tree.

I felt my breath caught in my throat as I looked up at the fallen angel before me. His bronze hair was dishevel and tousled as usual, his green eyes impenetrable and dark, his brows furrowed slightly and his mouth in a small quiet, crooked smile.

And when he spoke, I felt my breath leave my body, and I forgot how to breathe momentarily.

"Hello Bella, I thought I did find you here."

His voice was all velvety and husky at the same time. Warm and musical… and it was a silent punch in my stomach that knocked the air out of me. I thought I remembered how his voice sounded like, I thought I knew how deep his jaded eyes were… but staring at them now and hearing him did nothing to comfort my beating, erratic heart.

My eyes were glued to his face and the way his lips moved as he spoke. I heard his voice as though they were music playing a tune for me, so welcoming and familiar. The way his eyes danced under the frosty sun were like emeralds reflecting light, and somewhere at the back of my mind, I made up my mind that my favorite gem was going to be emeralds from now on.

"Bella? Love, did you hear me?"

My eyes snapped to his face, and his brows were knitted together now, and he was looking at me dubiously. Suddenly, he stooped down and his face was only a several inches from mine. I could feel his sweet breath as he called my name and I could feel the warm hand that was on my arm. I looked down at his hand on mine, and was immediately bombarded with images of us kissing again…

Right would be doing what I had wanted to do for eight months, ignoring the consequences by grabbing the gorgeous man before me, my best friend, and kissing him until we were both gasping and breathless.

Wrong would be standing up now and avoiding his touch when I was absolutely craving for them. Wrong would be turning around and walking away. Wrong would be telling him that I had a boyfriend, a scenario I had once contemplated before in my anger.

Strong would be crying, sobbing, hugging him and not letting go.

Weak would be quietly acknowledging his presence and being aloof.

I chose wrong and I chose weak. And when everything was over, I knew I would hate myself for not taking Angela's advice, for not being truthful to myself. But at that moment, right and strong were two characteristics I could not possess.

I took another look at his big hands wrapped around my skinny arms, and back at his face. I bit back a sob that was about to escape and stood up, brushing my pants while I did so.

"Edward… Hello."

My greeting sounded forced and unlike me. _Was it not just a year ago when he had burst into my kitchen and picked me up in a hug, whispering into my ears?_

It seemed like light years away now.

Edward closed his eyes briefly and I saw his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose lightly, something he often did when he was stressed and crossed or when he was upset. I could not help but wonder which of the two he was experiencing with now.

When his eyes open again, they locked with mine and there were renewed determination in them.

"Bella, I miss you and I want you… I don't know if I can take you going away for another eight months again. I almost went mad; you were in my dreams every day. Ever single night. You haunted my sleep, and your voice rang in my ears in the day. All I could play on the piano was you lullaby, and nothing else. Even Claire de Lune did nothing to help… Bella. I need you."

***

I honestly felt like laughing hysterically because in the moment that Edward chose to tell me that he even remotely wants me, my brain goes into a lock down. The stupid machine in there malfunctions badly and leaves me a blabbering idiot. And a liar too.

_Since when did I have a bloody boyfriend??!_

I pressed my pencil harder into the blue spiral notebook as I wrote and felt my frustration and aggravation building. It was only when I snapped my pencil into two halves and made a hole in the page of my notebook that I really exploded.

I flung the pencil across my room, disgusted with the weak thing that reminded me of myself, and tore the page out of my notebook with blind fury and rage. I stood up roughly, causing the chair to jerk and fall backwards. I was slamming doors and screaming with resentment, pent-up rage and enmity into my pillows. Charlie was downstairs, and it would do no good to alert him to the hysterical state that I was in.

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……."_

In simple words, I never cursed more than I did that day.

When I was done screaming into the pillows and fleeting around my room with the immense fury that I felt and crying my eyes swollen, I crawled pathetically off my bed and headed to the corner where the pencil had landed and picked the fellow up. Then I picked up the page from my notebook which I had shredded and sniffed emotively as I pieced the torn and tattered pieces together.

When the paper was resembled again, I sat down on the floor and leaned heavily against the bed as I read what I wrote.

_My mind is almost a vile place._

_A reel jungle amongst the concrete ones._

_The thoughts have me questioning my sanity,_

_The thoughts keeps me grounded._

_Am I who and what I perceive?_

_Or am I only a fraction of the things in my head?_

_The vision is nebulous,_

_The light is tenuous._

_The map is incoherent,_

_The horizons are darkened._

_And echoes of 'Liar, you are a liar!'_

_Now, positively not the pants,_

_But the heart and mind needs you to put out the fire._

I read, and reread what I wrote again and again… The words "_Liar, you are a liar_" stood up as though they were written in bold, red ink, mocking me ironically and jousting me in its silent, cruel laughter. But yet my eyes fall on them repeatedly, my lips mouthing the words noiselessly again and again, like a moth drawn to fire, like how a girl named Bella is drawn to Edward.

I knew I was doomed for.

When my eyes eventually grew heavier, I allowed the pieces of paper to drop from my grasp and they fleeted to the ground, blown away from my reach. I closed my eyes and rested my head between my knees, wrapping my arms securely around me and creating my own cocoon.

At the back of my mind, I could see the stack of letters that Edward had handed me after I had pushed him away with the most cruel lie I could tell a man who wanted, needed me. The stack of letters all bundled up sat at a lonesome corner of my desk. I had put it there, hoping that it would eventually become forgotten.

But I knew it was a futile effort. The letters and their contents were calling out to me; like fire calling to the moth, like a man named Edward calling to me.

I rocked myself slightly, but did not get up from my position. Just for a little while more, I wanted to stay in my cocoon while I tried and blocked out the voice that was still mocking and scorning me.

"_Liar, you liar!" _  
I'm pretty sure there's a fire raging in my head and heart.

_***_

_**What do you enjoy about writing when you're down, provoked or mad? I enjoy it because the words are always so raw and natural. And alive too. (: **_

_**I was listening to my cousin sing 'liar liar, pants on fire' and it got imprinted in my head. HAHA. I'm hoping I can post another one by Sunday. Reviews are chocolaty love as usual, and I will reply to them this time round! Loves.**_


	29. Chapter 29: Realizations

_**I did as I said I would. I updated. Yes, after this.. We are almost closing in on the end! I hope this aint confusing for you. SPOILER: Edward's letters are in italics. (:**_

_**I don't own twilight or Edward, I just own the content of his letters. **_

***

_Just for a little while more, I wanted to stay in my cocoon while I tried and blocked out the voice that was still mocking and scorning me._

"_Liar, you liar! Now, positively the heart and mind are on fire."_

***

I sat there with my thoughts scattered until two in the morning, and only stirred from my position to shut the doors leading to my balcony when the rain became too heavy to ignore. My throat was parched from crying and my eyes felt swollen. I despised looking into the mirror and headed out my room to get some water from the kitchen.

I took my time walking down the steps, holding on to the hand railing, afraid that my shaky legs might ultimately cause my death. What an ironic thought that crossed my mind, and I felt like smirking, but did not have the strength to do so.

I paused when I got downstairs, the lights in the den were still on and I could hear the sound of soft cheering blaring from the sports channel Charlie was watching. Since when did Charlie stay up so late?

I headed straight to the kitchen and gulped down several glasses of water, straight from the tap. Who cares about hygiene at two in the morning anyway? As I passed the den, I peeked in and saw Charlie head on the arm rest of the sofa; his snoring was almost as loud as the television was.

I stared at him from the doorway for awhile, and finally went back upstairs to his room to fetch him a blanket. The rain was pouring cats and dogs, and he would have gotten ill from lying here all night. Pulling the blankets up to his chins, I turned off the television and turned out the lights from the lamps, plunging the den into an immediate darkness.

Charlie's snores were soothing in the dark, communicating his presence to me. I stood in my spot for a little longer, staring at my old man and when my eyes finally adjusted enough to the darkness, I left and went back to my room, not bothering to turn on the lights in my room except the bedside lamp.

I finally gave in to the urge that was overwhelming me now. I moved from my spot by the bed and headed over to my desk, reaching around the desk to grope for the stack of letters. I was the moth and I was finally giving in and flying to my fire.

_Will the fire consume me in his flames? _

_Will the fire reduce me to ashes? _

_Or will it smolder me and leave me searing and scalded?_

I could only make my guesses, and none of which left me convinced that I would be the same girl I was twenty four hours ago. I took a deep breath and let it out, blowing my bangs out of my eyes before settling down on the floor against the bedside table, pulling my comforter over my legs for warmth. Slowly and tantalizingly, I pulled apart the knot on the string that held the stack of letters in place and took the first letter on top of the pile, leaving the rest beside me on the floor.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself non-humorously and flipped open the light blue envelope. The front of the envelope was sprawled with my name in Edward's classic script, and looked like it had been smudged.

_**2**__**nd**__** January 2009**_

_Dear Stranger,_

_The New Year was odd and peculiar without your presence. It felt as though there was someone close whom we have left out in our celebrations, and Alice could not even offer her constant energy to be the life of the party. The spark was missing, and the spark was you. _

_You have probably been in London for five days already, and I never felt more lost. It was like the times when Emmett brought us to that maze in the park, and we couldn't find our way out. That thought was scary and raw, and I never felt like that before. Even back then in the maze, I had you for company._

_I tried calling you today, and yesterday, and the day before…And the day before that, but it went straight to your voice mail. When I told Alice that your cell phone probably had some problems, she called me a bastard and told me that if she was in your place, she would put me on auto reject._

_We got into an argument about nothing in particular, and she stormed off after calling me a bastard again. I guess I am. And the fact that someone was saying it in my face made the realizations almost relieving. Bella, my dear, I am writing this letter to let you know about the things I left unspoken in my heart and head; and I am also writing this letter partially to keep myself sane, despite knowing that I have no address to mail this to._

_Bella, love, I wished you screamed at me before you left, instead of looking at me with sad, soulful brown eyes, tears brimming and on the edge of falling. I wished I would have caught those tears with my fingers, and smooth away the frown on your face. I was blinded, I was a bastard… For not having the courage to return your feelings, for… It's so ironical, isn't it? _

_I'm writing this letter, but I do not have an address to mail it out to. My only odds are that deep down in your heart you will receive these letters of mine. Sometime, somewhere, somehow._

_Do you remember that day we first met, Bella? When you smashed your ice cream into my favorite jacket? I knew it there and then at the back of my mind that you were going to be a permanent feature in my life. I tried to fight it, not allowing you to come close to me, disturbing you, giving you every reason to loathe me. But when that accident happened and I saw you so weak and helpless, crying and yet resisting the urge to sob fully, I couldn't help the surge of love that flowed through me. I wanted you to have someone, and that someone was me. I know that we were only children at that point of time, Bella love, but I started loving the girl who creamed me with chocolate chip, and I still love this same girl who has packed her bags and ran abroad without saying Goodbye. _

_The only underlying problem now is, does the girl love this idiotic coward? I hope she does, because he loves her, always will._

_I know I sound insane already but I'll keep writing, love. I miss you and I love you._

_Edward with love._

***

I felt my tears dropping onto the paper and his signature became a smear of black ink against the cream paper. What he had said today at the tree… what he had confessed obviously took him courage and I had destroyed that for us. Me and my stupid mouth. I was crying fully now, sobbing and sniffing and hugging the piece of paper to my chest, gasping as I reached up to get that tissue box.

I cleaned my tears and felt my heart constricting again as I laid the first letter on my lap and reached for the next one. The stack of letters was still high, and each one was a piece of jigsaw and a map for my heart to become whole again.

_**3**__**rd**__** January 2009**_

_Dear stranger,_

_Remember when I told you how I felt that Harvard was not the place for me? Well, my heart was never with Harvard. My body might have been there physically but my soul and heart was somewhere else. It was 204 miles away in New Jersey, with my best friend who has become a stranger now; thanks to no one but me._

_I arrived on Princeton campus yesterday. And it's exactly like you have described, beautiful, warm and very sunny. But somehow there's a cloud hanging over my head. Literally, Bella._

_The place was brimming with life, and exactly how I imagined. Only in my imagination, you would be greeting me here and not thousands of miles away. I feel your presence so strongly in every part of city even though I've never been here with you, only in my dreams and your descriptions. _

_Alice is finally talking to me again; or screaming at me rather. She's upset that I haven't told her about my decision to transfer to Princeton and kept her screaming constant after I explained to her that I had left for Harvard right after the homecoming fair to submit my transfer documents and to pack my things from the dorm.  
When she finally cooled down enough to tell me about what happened at the fair, I felt my heart breaking. I never knew, Bella. I never knew how you felt. I was so consumed with the way I felt about you, the way you seemed so right for me, that I was afraid; very afraid to let you know of my feelings._

_I haven't got the courage to tell you the truth, my love; and that will always be my biggest regret. For everything that has happened between us, I feel I owed you that much, the freedom to explore the world without me, to spread your wings and reach your goal. It took all my restraints not to fly to you and of course more screaming from Alice about bothering you. _

_Enjoy your time in the United Kingdom, sweetheart… But my love, please don't take too long, for back home, a man is waiting for you. _

_I love you._

_Edward._

***

Edward had finally explained about the day at the homecoming fair and I felt my heart squeezed tightly against my ribcage, pounding and screaming in tune with my head. I tugged the comforter off my legs to reveal the scar on my knees and touched it gingerly as the tears kept falling. Edward, oh Edward… what have I done?

What have we done?!?

The letter was slightly crumpled in my hands as I clutched it desperately, trying to find some kind of assurance that this was not just a dream. Not another one of those dreams where Edward fell in love with me, and where we lived happily ever after.

I reached immediately for the next letter, wanting to be assured of his confession, wanting to hear and read more. I could almost hear his velvet voice cracking while I read the letters, it was like reading Edward's journals, only they were addressed to me. The letters were like my drug, my glue, and I was the sniffer. Desperate for more. I read the third one, and then the fourth, watching and reading Edward's days passed for him. He wrote every day, every single day. On some days his letters were sad and heart wrenching, and on some days, he talked amicably about school and his life… they all had a common trait. They always ended with "I love you".

***

_**14**__**th **__**February 2009**_

_Dear stranger, _

_I came by your apartment in Princeton to help you clean it up for the first time today. It took a lot of coaxing from Charlie to make me a spare set of keys. To be exact…Three months, Carlisle, Esme and a lot of whining and dazzling from Alice finally did the trick. _

_Being in the space which you have called home last semester. I felt like you were here with me. The kitchen had your touch in it. Spotless and free of oil and dirt. I saw the photo albums on your table, my Bella. Pictures from the time we meet, up till last Christmas._

_I never got to tell you last year, that you looked beautiful in that dress Alice picked up for you. In fact even when you were dressed in your sweats and hoodie, you could make me swoon. What a joke isn't it, love? You always thought I was the kind that never noticed what you wore. _

_Sweet Bella, I always noticed. I always adore how blue complimented your skin perfectly. The way it made your skin glow and shine, I miss you Bella. The album held the ten years we knew each other and each picture always had a memory attached with it. Remember the story we read, about how it took three times the amount of time you knew someone to get over them? I don't ever want us to end Bella, and if it takes all but forty years to get you back, I'll do that. I hope you will still love me when I'm fifty, balding, fat and have failing eyesight, my love. I know I will love you, even at eighty. _

_Everywhere on campus, people are telling their crushes, their significant other, their infatuations, their girlfriends, their fiancées, their wives that they adore them. It was only then did I notice that it was Valentine's Day. I bought a rose, wanting to give it to the girl I loved, but she's in London now, and she still doesn't know about my true feelings. She's not picking up my calls either, but I don't blame her. I only blame myself… _

_So with this letter, I have added a rose. I don't know if you will ever receive it, but I'm sending my love and a greeting for you to have a Happy Valentine's Day in U.K. I hope we get to spend the next eighty valentine days together._

_I love you, my Bella._

_Love, Edward._

***

Edward was opening himself to me in these letters. He was sharing so much, and telling me, assuring me about his love. The tears were slowing down, but they were still slipping out from my eyes. I laughed as I read, and I smiled at the dried rose I found in the envelope. It was wrinkled and all dried up, but the full flower, though now brown and lifeless hinted that it was once a magnificent beauty, red and bought with the most truthful heart. I cradled it in my palm and brought it to my lips.

"I received your love Edward, and I hope we can spend the next eighty Valentine days together too…" A smile crept onto my lips as I whispered my reply to the flower. There was so much I needed to say to this man, who drove me mad and drove me over the edge, but made me fall in love with him after all.

I placed the dried rose softly into the musical box that had travelled the United Kingdom with me and back and left it open, so that the comforting sound of Claire de Lune filled the room as I reached for the next letter in the decreasing pile.

_**17**__**th**__** April 2009**_

_Dear Stranger, my sweet love_

_I went to visit Alice over the weekend, and was on her laptop when I came across pictures of you in a folder labeled "Bella at Lake District". _

_Unable to contain my excitement, I googled Lake District and saw the beautiful and breathtaking sceneries there. I immediately felt a connection with you. Did you stand on the edge of the hill and look down at the magnificence of having the lake beneath your feet while feeling the wind swirl around your slender body? I imagine you would. _

_And I imagine myself there with you, my arms wrapped around your tiny waist, feeling your heat against mine. We must go there one day in the future…will you have a future that included me? I pray to the heavens you do. _

_Many thoughts ran through my mind. It felt almost liberating to see your face again, even if it was just a photograph of you on the computer screen. I sent the picture to my own emailed and crossed my fingers that Alice wouldn't have discovered my snooping. _

_What are the thoughts that were going through your mind while you stood at the edge, overlooking the beautiful lake? What were you thinking about when the picture was taken? You looked faraway and enchanting, a beauty against nature's splendor. I wished, I can only wish that I was there to capture and lock the look on your face while you admired the scenery with my own eyes._

_I love you, beautiful Bella, always did, always do._

_Edward_

***

At that moment when I put down that letter, I ran immediately to get my camera and strolled to the picture that I send Alice of my visit to Lake District. I thought back to that day momentarily and realized the thoughts from that day were similar to what Edward wrote. I wished that he had been there with me.

One day, I promised myself. One day, Edward and I will return there and he will wrapped his arms around me and enjoy that picturesque view with me. And the winds will surround us and whipped our hair around our faces as we stand on the edge of the hill, looking down at the fig trees below and the green lake; and I will finally get my answer as to which was deeper. The lake, or Edward's green orbs.

**29****th**** May 2009**

_My sweet Stranger,_

_Just two more months and a day more to your return. Yes my love, I know I have probably written about 150 letters by now, and they are piling up high. Jasper came down yesterday and he saw the letters in their envelopes with your name on the fronts lying on my desk._

_He gave me one of his most incredulous looks and asked me, "Are you still thinking about her? What about Adeline?" _

_I left with him without an answer, but I am telling you the answer. Yes, my love, yes. I am still thinking about. The thought of you and us has never left my mind since I was twelve, and it would stay that way, even if you were miles and miles apart from me. Distance won't erase you from my mind, neither can time. They only make me think and miss you more. _

_Adeline… She was my test to you. I wanted so much to tell you of my feelings last fall. So I used Adeline to gage your reactions. I thought my heart would break when you told me to go for her, and you fell asleep after that. I went back to my room and thought long and hard that night; and in the morning, I had breakfast with Adeline. But I realized there was never going to be that spark and that chemistry I shared with you. Adeline was always a friend, and nothing more, love._

_I went by your apartment again to help clean up; and ended up writing this letter there. So if you thought this paper looked familiar, it's yours. I watched the news while I dusted around the hall and they reported about the temperature. You must be laughing now. Since when does Edward Cullen care about temperatures?!_

_I do, only because my love and my heart are at that continent._

_It's summer in the United Kingdom. It was reported that even thought the sun was warm, the winds are still really cool. Remember to keep your jacket on hand, love. And if you're wearing flip-flops, do be really careful. Don't argue with me, I know you're clumsy like that. I miss your silly clumsiness and absent mindedness. They never cease to amuse me and make me fall for you even more._

_I love you, dearest._

_Edward._

***

I kept reading; the letters were like my life line. And I was right. Four hours ago, I was a wreck, but now, hope was bubbling in my chest_**. I have to fix this**_. Whatever it was between the both of us, I hope we get it back. I nodded my head to that thought and reached for more letters. Only about sixty more to go. He wrote without fail, everyday, rain or shine.

_30__th__ June 2009_

_Oh silly Bella, my dearest stranger!_

_It's been six months! A hundred and eighty days and counting!_

_I don't know how you get pass your days, but mine are the equivalent of a zombie's- lifeless and almost to the point of meaningless. It was as though my existence had become meaningless, my days nothing more than a rut and a routine._

_If there's one thing that is pushing me on, it's your impending home-coming. Honey, I'm counting all the days desperately. I miss you, I feel like I can't say that enough to bring my point across. I miss you! I miss you! I really, really do miss you!_

_I just got back to Princeton from home. It was tough being back there with Alice and Emmett when there is a prominent absence. I'm not letting you go again. __**EVER.**_

_On my first day back, I wanted desperately to call you. Hear your voice and tell you that its one big stupid mistake. Once again, it was your voicemail that greeted me. I somehow am grateful that you record your own voicemail and not use one of those default ones. At least I can hear your voice telling me to leave a message after the beep!_

_Right after we came back from the summer vacations, Princeton released it monthly paper and I saw your face in the paper, reporting outside the old Edinburgh palace. The palace is a splendor isn't it? But the biggest beauty I know is definitely in that place right now. You look beautiful, love. Your hair is longer, your bangs have grown out; but your chins look somewhat sharper. Have you not been eating well? My heart breaks that you might have lost more weight on your skinny frame, sweetie._

_I could not bring myself to disrupt the peace you've given yourself by my selfish, wistful ways. So I'll wait, for you to come home and then we'll talk. I cannot wait to kiss those lips of yours sweetie. For now, I shall be contented with a recent picture of you in my wallet. Stay warm, and safe. _

_And don't forget, I love you._

_Edward_

_**20**__**th**__** July**_

_Dear Stranger and my love,_

_It was weird for me today, not waking to your chirpy birthday greeting._

_I stared at my cell the entire day, wishing that your name would flash across the screen. Halfway during my mid day lectures, I was horrified to see that my battery was dying and I ditched class there and then, only to go home and charge it. _

_If you were here, you would probably laugh that musical laugh of yours and tell me that I'm being silly. That's my biggest problem, you're not here and somewhere off in the United Kingdom, without me and a bunch of other blonde hair dudes trying to seduce you. Are there any blonde hair English men as Emmett claim???_

_Well, hopefully Carlisle being a doctor and his awkward "abstinence is key" lecture had some effect on you. I'm kidding sweet Bella. If there is nothing more that I could trust in the world, I trust you. _

_Finally I gave in to my desires and call, knowing in my heart that your voicemail will greet me again; but when your voice came on the line.. I was almost rendered speechless. You remembered; you remembered my birthday and it was all I could ask of you! You sounded distant, and scared and I was worried sick about how faraway you appeared to be. I can only comfort myself that you were probably busy._

_The conversation lasted barely five minutes but that was enough. More than enough. I have had my best birthday gift. And it was from you, thank you darling._

_Take good care of yourself for me would you? Alice misses you so, so much too. Come home soon, my love. _

_I love you._

_Edward_

***

The letters varied in length, but they never failed to evoke some sort of emotions in me. I could laugh, I could smile, I could cry… but I could not deny the fact that I was irrevocably in love with Edward. I love him… and I was going to repair the crack I created. He waited for me for eight months, and I will not let him wait any longer.

My heart was done waiting, my heart was done with being afraid. The ball was in my court, and I was going to make my serve. I know my sporting abilities are probably few and rare, but this was one serve I would put my whole heart, mind and life into.

Behind me there was a soft glow. The sun was rising slowly, but surely and the rain was nothing more than a soft drizzle now. It was a new day; a new start. And I was determined to make this the beginning of a new life.

Edward, I am coming for you. _**Finally.**_

_*******_

_**What's the most memorable letter you have ever received? I have quite a few.**_

_**Doesn't that answer sooo many of your questions and do you love me slightly more now? LOL. (: Ah wells, review and let me know what you think! This has been tiring to write for me, having the need to swap between Edward and Bella, but keeping everything in Bella's point of view! Hope I did not confuse you too much! Cheers!**_


	30. Chapter 30: Rude Awakenings

_**Basically, responsibilities are holding me back, and I'm struggling madly to cope. Ever had the feeling that you are stuck somewhere and you want a way out? I'm feeling like that as of late! Oh wells… Life.**_

_**Review and share the love please? Chocolate would be awesome now!**_

_**Characters are Steph Meyer's. The angst is all mine!**_

***

_It was a new day; a new start. And I was determined to make this the beginning of a new life._

_Edward, I am coming for you. Finally__**.**_

***

I looked down at the pile of letters by my lap, they were in a jumble and a mess, each one containing answers to all my questions, my secret desires. Just one more. I took quick look outside and saw a gentle ray of light shining outside. Soon, soon, very soon we would be together.

I opened the envelope to the last letter and took out the light blue paper in it. It was short as compared to the others and I felt my tears welling again as I read. It was the answer to the last question, and I could feel the lock to my heart open completely. No more barricades, no more pretenses, it was only the truth now, staring me in the face.

_**31**__**st**__** August 2009**_

_My dearest Bella, my dear stranger,_

_You're returning tomorrow and I can finally see you again. I cannot wait to hear your voice, hold your small hand in mine, and have you in my arms, my embrace. _

_Have you missed me as much as I've missed you? I can only pray fervently that you in the least still do. When I had you, I didn't know how to hold on to you. I was afraid I was a coward. I had the love of my best friend, and I threw it out the window. Adeline was never more than just an acquaintance to me. How could she compare to you, sweet Bella? _

_I received a call from you back when I was in Harvard which I rejected, and it was only through Alice that I eventually found out that you had called to ask me about the choice you should make. I made the mistake of not picking up. I wanted to come back with my very own surprise for my princess. You never received my Christmas present last year. It was my confirmed transfer letters. So now, it's my turn to call and ask about the decision you made for your life. I hope I still have a part in it, no matter how minute._

_This is my last letter to you, my dear stranger. Tomorrow, I will see you myself, and I will finally know the burning question in my heart. Do you still love me the way I love you? I meant what I said under our oak tree last fall. _

_I want you around, always will, always be that way. Have I lost you for good? I beg the heavens not to take you. I need you. Really do._

_With all my love, _

_Edward_

***

I thought I had the answers, I didn't. I thought I could let go, I couldn't. I needed this man, as much as he needed me. We were part of the same whole, and there was no way I could be separated from him again.

With renewed confidence and strength blooming inside me, I jumped out from the position which I have sat for the last few hours and bounded towards the balcony. I needed to get to Edward's. And the quickest way was by making the leap over the balcony.

I let out a soft yelped when my feet touched the cool damp ground out on my balcony. It was cold, and my legs were suffering from a seriously tingling case of pins and needles after having sat on the floor cross-legged for so long.

I pushed the chill and tingly sensations to the back of my head and took a deep breath. There was no room for me to break my foot today after I make the leap. Maybe it was the renewed confidence charging through me and the love he held for me… I closed my eyes and made the jump over, and… landed safely on his side, foot intact, nothing broken!

The balcony door leading through to Edward's rooms were closed and I laughed softly as I realized that I had finally made the jump successfully. The last time I tried coming into his room this way, I was almost paralyzed. And the time before that when I tried, I broke my foot.

The thrill of my success was exhilarating and it felt as though everything was going right for the first time in months.

I took my first step forward and knocked on the glass door gently, the energy surging through me was surprisingly dynamic and zesty, although I had barely slept last night.

There was no response and I peeked into the darkened room. That was when I notice a few things. The bed was untouched and made. There was no one in the room. And the keys to the silver Volvo were not on its usual hook by the side of the bed.

I tried the door and with a forceful tug, it slide open. I stepped in immediately, grateful for the warmth and went over to the switch to turn on the lamp. It casted a soft orange glow around the room, illuminating the shelves of CDs and books on the walls.

It had been far too long ago since I stepped into Edward's room and I was piped with curiosity as I explored the masculine room that held the secrets of Edward. On his bedside table sat a spinning photo frame.

Lulled by his enormous bed, I sat down on it and it bounced under my weight. I picked up a pillow and laid my hand over it. This was where Edward's head had rested before. I looked over to the photo frame again and looked at the photograph which held his family. Unable to resist, I lifted my finger and spin it gently.

My breath caught in my throat when I realized the picture on the other side. It was the very same picture he had given me. There were so many unspoken words in that picture and as I stared at his framed one, I was compelled to make everything between us perfect again.

I want my best friend, I want that stranger in the picture, and I want Edward.

Taking another deep breath and controlling my urge to cry again, I leapt up from the bed and headed out the door towards Alice's room. She would know where Edward was.

In the very least, I hoped she had some sort of clue.

I went down the dark hallways, feeling like a thief creeping around. I smiled at the thought that followed next. Edward was the thief that stole my heart, and now I was the robber demanding for his.

I reached the end of the hallway and tried the door knob. It was locked. I sighed and knocked as quietly as I could. I was excited but I had no intentions to wake the whole Cullen household.

There was no response and I tried again, a little louder this time. There was a moaning sound from inside, and I wondered briefly if I had interrupted anything, but the door flew open an instant later, revealing Jasper, naked from the waist up!

"ARGH! JASPER!"

It was one thing to know that your best friend was… active. It was another to see it. My hands flew to my eyes and I backed away slightly.

Jasper was chuckling and I could hear him tapping his foot impatiently against the floor.

"Bella, I would love to welcome you, but its way too early in the morning. What's up girl?"

I growled in reflex and Jasper chuckled again.

"Jas, I'm looking for Alice. Get her would you? And put a shirt on!" I heard the shuffling of feet and peeked out from between my fingers. Alice came out to greet me a minute later, perky and energetic, as though my early morning visit was very normal.

She threw her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug that made my head spin.

"Alice, I need to… breath. Alice!"

Her laughter was a magical sound.

"Hello Bella, I was going to go say hi later when the sun has fully risen, but you beat me to it. I miss you sweetie. How are you? How was England? Did you find a cute English guy, or is there even any other guy? Have you seen Edward? Oh, what are you doing here so early? Wait! How did you even get in?"

She paused to take a quick breath and I opened my mouth to answer her, but her eye brows shot up and she stared at me fixatedly. Her eyes widened and with a dramatic, she pulled me back into her embrace.

"Bella! You have been crying! What happened honey? Did Jasper frighten you? Did something else happen? Talk to me, Bella!"

I laughed out loud for the first time in hours and pulled slightly away.

"Alice, I miss you too. I got in through the balcony. And I cried because I was reading letters that Edward wrote. Do you know about them?"

Alice's eyes were as large as saucers. She stared at me quietly, unlike her chirpy self and when she finally answered, it was with uncertainty.

"Edward did give you the letters huh? I thought… I thought he said you had someone else… Bella, what happened exactly? I thought you did not want him anymore. We all thought that you had moved on… Oh no! I should have known that it wouldn't have ended like that between the both of you. Bella, Edward was distraught! He left after blabbering about losing you. He took his keys and drove away… Oh my goodness. I should have seen it happening."

It was my turn to stare at Alice as though she had sprouted a few extra heads. I tried to make sense of what she had said.

"Alice, where is he? I need to talk to him. I lied! I need him still. I was just… afraid. I was scared that if I gave myself over to love, love would bite me right back. I was not sure about everything… Where is he, Alice?"

My voice must have been slightly hysterical, because Emmett's door flew open to reveal a grumpy Rosalie. She opened her mouth, ready to give us a mouthful, but when she saw my desperate tears and Alice's stricken face, she shut her mouth and came over, appraising me up and down.

"Bella, if I'm not wrong, Edward has probably gone back to Princeton. He loves that place. Alice, stop looking as though someone was murdered. Bella…"

I was turning around in the direction of Edward's room, ready to make the jump back home and drive straight back to Princeton. The elevated and tone of annoyance in Rosalie's voice made me turned back again.

With a smirk, Rosalie looked at me and mouthed her instructions to me as though I was a three year old child.

"Bella. First. Go. Home. Second. Get. A. Shower. Third. Come. Back. Here. And. You. Can. Drive. My. Car. To. Princeton."

I stared at her blankly and she smirked again.

"Seriously Bella, process what I say please? I know it's early, but you were the one who woke me. Go home and shower and eat something. Then come back here and you can use my car to drive up to Princeton. It will be quicker than your old truck and safer too…"

What she said finally clicked into place and I turned immediately to go home and have a quick shower and breakfast.

As I disappear behind Edward's doors, I heard Rosalie give a sigh and said, "Seriously Bella, you could have used the front door…"

The irony and pun was lost on me as I made another successful leap back to my room.

***

A quick, hot shower, and some cereal and cold milk later, I was dashing back to the Cullen's with my green hoodie clutched tightly in my hand, a stack of letter bundled with the sweater and the musical box cradled in the other hand. Rosalie and Alice were standing by the porch waiting for me.

"Rosalie, I showered and ate. Quick give me your keys…"

"Bella, breathe and listen. Edward isn't going anywhere. Alice called him and he is back in Princeton. So you should head there straight and not make any detours."

I nodded my head frantically, reaching for the keys which she held dangling in front of my face.

Alice held out a lunch box for me and her eyes were sad.

"Bella, I packed lunch for you. It's nothing much, but it should tide you over for a little. Be careful alright? And call me once you get there."

I paused and took a deep breath, allowing the comforting scent of the rain and musk to fill my lungs and calm me down.

I wrapped my arms around my beloved friends and kissed them both on their cheeks.

"Thank you Alice, thank you Rose. I love you girls."

They smiled at me and Rose led me to the garage to the red M3, her pride and joy. It was a miracle and wonder that she even allowed klutzy me to drive it. After some solemn instructions of what to touch and what not to, I was finally on my way.

I left the hood of the car down and allowed the cold air to whip around my face and messed up my dampish hair. It was refreshing and a sense of exhilaration was riding through me again.

My drive up back to campus was quiet and silent. I took no notice to turn on the stereos, only stopping when it was absolutely necessary. I drove night and day, and sped through the journey.

It was reckless, and it was unlike me. But the one thing that mattered in the moment was to get back to the place I belong- _Edward's arms._

***

All track of time was lost as I threw open the door of my apartment at Princeton.

"Edward, Edward, Edward?"

I threw open the doors to the rooms, stopping only to see a vase of tulips sitting on the counter in the kitchen. The apartment was spick and span, as though there had been someone living in it for the past months, but it was also empty.

I felt lost and angry. Frustrations and an overwhelming sensation crashing down on me. As I threw the hoodie onto the floor and tossed the bundle of letters on top of it, I slide myself down and curled up with the musical box on my lap.

I was crying again. There were fears of being too late lurking in my mind, there were resentment of my cowardice. There were regrets…

I cried for only God knows how long and only stopped when I felt tide of fatigue washed up on me. The musical box played softly as I sat at my spot, unmoving and sniveling. I must have fallen asleep eventually, being worn out from a long plane ride, an emotional reunion, a poignant night of awakenings and then a nonstop ride back to Princeton.

In my dreams, I heard keys rattling. In my dreams, I heard a door quietly creaking open. And when I opened my eyes, and looked at the door of my apartment, I heard keys being jiggled and then…. With a slow and agonizing creak, the doors opened.

No one else had the keys to my apartment… no one else… Except… **him.**

***

_**Because this story is almost ending, I wanted to compile my song list for this story and I have got them already. I just need to post them up soon. LOL, but time is an issue for me right now. So I apologize for the delay. I'm trying really hard to get this story done by my birthday, which is in a week. I do hope I can. **_

_**Review and love me, pretty please? (: hahaha. **_


	31. Chapter 31: Heart is Home

_**I know it took another week for me to eventually write this chapter! There was some much editing. I wrote out a longer one, but deleted it, because I felt it was no good. I wanted this to be if nothing, perfection. I hope I got there! Last chapter everyone, I enjoyed the ride immensely! I hope you did too! **_

_**And for the final time, the green eye man does not belong to me. I hope he does though.**_

****

_No one else had the keys to my apartment… no one else… Except… him._

***

It was him. Tall, lanky, bronze and green-eyed. _It was Edward!_

The boy that had befriended me at eight, the boy that became my best friend. The man-child who made me crush hopelessly on him, the child in the man that made me fall in love. And he was as well, the man who made me cry, and the only man who made me laugh.

And now, this man was at my door, a black sweater thrown around his frame, the hood of his jacket was up, covering the bronze hair that was completely bedraggled under it. This man who made me realized the epitome of love and the quintessence of passion was at my door.

Fate has dealt me its final card, this was the last chance. _What will I do?_ All the possibilities ran through my head. I could be plain, old Bella- timid and a coward, afraid of love, or I could be the newly discovered Bella- strong, confident and willing to try.

A terrified part of me was still afraid; afraid that if I divulged my heart, everything which I have tried to hide and run from would come back to haunt me. And yet, a part of me wanted to trust desperately. I wanted the friendship and relationship Alice had in Jasper, the passion Rosalie had in Emmett and the bond Angela had in Ben. _Will friendship, relationship, passion, bond and love find me in the form of Edward?_

_Will I be willing to let go and dive into the sea of love, heart first, consequences be damned?_

There were so many questions running through my head in that mere second, but when he lifted his eyes from the ground and caught side of me, the questions, doubts and qualms in my head silenced itself. It was not my head's turn to be the judge; my heart was the one that would decide what I could do in this game of poker.

The answer was clear, crystal clear. No more doubting, no more uncertainties.

I sat in my spot; completely out of breathe from the sight of my love. He looked like he had been through hell. There were dark shadows beneath his dull eyes that were flat and dead, and he had not shaved. He looked just as Alice had described- Distraught and distressed.

I wanted to run my fingers through his bronze locks and kissed away the frown between his brows, I wanted to make him laugh and smile, to make that dead look in his eyes disappear forever…

And as Edward looked up and saw me, his green eyes met mine. _Green meets brown_.

I was home again.

I felt a new wave of emotion rising in me, and I let out a strangled sob. Edward was staring at me and before I could respond, his shoulders slumped even further and he looked as though he had been burned.

He turned away dejectedly and defeated, backing slightly out the door, grabbing his keys out of the keyhole and looking as though he wanted to bolt. As though he had to get away from something.

I recognized the emotion in his face. It was so raw, so tortured. I had seen it before, reflecting back at me in the mirror. It was the guise of pain, so conflicted, so untainted and exposed.

I stared at his retreating back and just as the door was about to close and remove all traces of Edward from my sight. Immediately I kicked into action. I did not have any more time to waste. The damage was done, the journey was completed. There was going to be nothing but truth and confessions from this point on.

I jumped up from my curled up position on the floor and although I tripped and stumbled a little, I managed to reach the door before it closed and I jumped without a second thought onto the stranger's back.

My arms were wound tightly around his neck and my legs were dangling off the floor. It would have probably looked like I was strangling him but I thought nothing of it. I buried my head in the curve of his neck and inhaled his scent deeply. He was warm and he was right here with me. Nothing else mattered!

The fear that had consumed me so thoroughly previously, the distrust I had in love were all burnt and evaporated. In its place was a pile of ashes, which love, like a phoenix, would grow and emerge from. I had nothing to lose but the man I love; I had nothing more to give but my heart. No more regrets, compunction or hesitation. His arms were my home.

**I am home.**

It was until when Edward started to cough and choke that I realized I was manhandling my man and choking him badly. When realization hit me, I let go immediately and dropped myself onto the floor.

"Edward, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Did I choke you…"

Before I could finish my sentence, I was wrapped up against him; crushed against his solid body, my face against his marbled chest. _Yes, I was home indeed_. The petulant voice in my head which had stimulated all my distrust and hesitation was like a child, hanging his head in shame, murmuring soft apologies, and finally telling my heart that it had been right all along. _This__** is**__ home._

His face was buried in my hair and I felt him shaking slightly. His arms held me on my waist and at the small of my back, clutching me against him as though I was his float in an ocean, his one lifeline.

In that moment, I could feel his silent begging, his suppliant, pleading and importunate beseeching. The feeling was overwhelming and I leaned further into him, feeling the contours of his body against mine, and committing this new feeling into memory.

"Bella, I really need you, please! I love you."

His voice was hoarse and soft, a caressing whisper in my ear. I shivered instinctively and snuggled closer to the warmth of his body, all the while in awe that it felt so right to be in his arms. I was never home, I had gone through the motions of life, the validations of rotations in seasons, travelling far and wide, never going anywhere until now.

Unlike the last time where separation was looming, this time round, it was a brand new reunion. The electric in the air was intensifying and I could feel the sparks right down to the bottom of my toes. Edward's arms is my final destination, green meets brown was the ultimate home base.

_It's now or never._ I thought to myself and gathered up all my courage, reminding myself that the letters were not an illusion and that Edward was here, right here with me.

Closing my eyes and without a second thought, I lifted my head and stood on my toes as I pressed my lips against Edward's. The way we fit in each other arms were perfect, and the way his lips parted and move in sync with mine was seamless and electrifying!

There were no words exchanged for awhile after that. Just a battle of lips and tongues, a tango of perfection and a waltz of aptness.

There was so much he communicated in the kiss. His love, his need, his desire and his want for so much more. I felt my head spinning and my breath turned ragged as we both stumbled back into the house.

Edward was the first to break away. He pulled away from me, his own breathing mirroring mine. The dead look in his eyes were gone, replaced with something fiercer, more determined. I looked into those green orbs, and finally mouthed the words which I have kept inside of me for so long.

"I love you too, Edward. For a very long time. I need you, I want you…"

I paused at my confession. Revealing my heart and soul was almost an act of weakness for me, but there was now renewed courage and strength. He was going to my light on dark days. I smiled at all the new possibilities we could have and looked into his green eyes sparkling with life.

"I want you, Edward. And I'm not taking no for an answer. You're mine!"

It came out forceful and heated, and I would have died from embarrassment in normal circumstances, but not this time. I crashed my lips to his again, as we stumbled backwards against a wall.

***

"Well, well, well… looks like we drove all this way for nothing. There's no distorted Bella or Edward to save, only a passionate show of... err, utmost love and passion."

Alice's squealing and all knowing voice brought me back down onto earth and pulled me away from my stupor. I blushed and buried my head in Edward's chest. I heard the chuckles of Jasper, the giggle of Rose and the booming voice of Emmett.

But the voice that stood up amongst theirs was a musical laughter, soft and deep, right in my ears. It was Edward's.

"Stop teasing Bella, Alice." His chastise was protective and gentle and I peeked out from my hiding place in Edward's arms. Four beaming faces were looking at the both of us, and I grinned back in return. Happiness and elation was surging through me.

Edward is mine, I belong to Edward, and the world was no longer tilted in its axis. It was right again, and the motions of life no longer just included laughing and crying. I had a reason to smile; and that reason is love.

Alice bounced over and pulled me away from his arms, which garnered a whimper from me and a frown from Edward. She chuckled and laughed merrily, as she hugged me tightly.

"Welcome home, Bella. Welcome back."

The embrace and comment was well-timed. Trust Alice to know what I thought. The smile on my face was vibrant, and I genuinely felt happy and excited. Life with Edward was going to be beautiful, I was sure.

We would fight and we would quarrel, as we always do; but we would always have our love to fall back on…

***

"Dad, come on! I told you I don't need to go to some fancy restaurant for my birthday! It's no big deal. We could just have some dinner at home, I could cook…"

"Shush Bella! You left your old man for eight months at home; the least you could do was let me take you out for dinner. And look at you, Alice sure did a good job of dressing you up. I was beginning to wonder what Cullen see in you when you're always dressed in sweats and jeans."

That was a long speech, especially if it was given by Charlie.

After the emotional reunion at Princeton, the six of us drove back together, laughing and enjoying the ride home. It has been about a week since we were back, and since Edward and I came out of the closet about our relationship.

Esme was elated, and Carlisle beamed at me knowingly while Charlie simply nodded his head and told Edward that he had given me a can of pepper spray which I would not be afraid to use if the situation called for it. _As if I was going to attack the man I love with pepper spray again!_

Edward had nodded his head solemnly and told Charlie he did not doubt that statement, getting a raise in brows from Charlie and a chuckle from me. That incident seemed to happen years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Edward fit right in with Charlie and he was a loving boyfriend. That's right! He is my boyfriend. I smiled at that thought and glanced over at Charlie.

"Dad, he loves me because he sees my inner beauty!" I could not resist teasing Charlie about my relationship with Edward. He frowned and looked at me from the corner of his eyes, but I saw the smile threatening to break through. Charlie was supportive, if not ecstatic to see that someone actually wanted his daughter.

So this was it, I am home, I have a gorgeous loving boyfriend, and I have absolute trust in a little thing called love now.

Gone are the days where I fret about being in love, having my heart gorged right out. I know now that it takes time to find love, for some people it can take twelve years, for others it could take eight months, and some people, well, it took them their whole life to find the one they love. It also takes trust and pain to get to love, but regardless the time span, love will find you in the end, and no matter how much you run, you won't escape the clutches of it.

That night of my birthday, Edward pulled me down the familiar paths of the cobblestone that led to our oak tree. Our friendship started right there, and it only seemed fitting that a new beginning for us began there as well.

As we sat under the tree, looking up at the clear night skies, which was rare in fall, I turned and looked at the man I adored. He was still an Adonis, beautiful and green-eyed. I smiled in contentment as I felt his arms tightened around me, effectively pulling me against him.

I hummed with pleasure as I thought about our road ahead. Come spring, we would head back to Princeton together, as a couple. We were rooming together as well, and I was excited to say the least. My best friend is my boyfriend, nothing ever beats that.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when I felt his soft warm lips trailing gentle kisses down my hairline to my jaw and back up again.

"Bella, we're always going to come back here every fall. I want to spend the next eighty autumns here with you, right under this tree, here in this spot, sharing hot cocoa and a blanket." The promise was subtle, but the outline of his plan was clear.

We were going to be together forever, and forever started from home.

***

_**For those wondering, yes, this is the final chapter, but I have an epilogue planned. Just a short, tiny one which will be posted sometime next week ( which might just turned into a longer one if I had the right motivation! :P) Also, together with that chapter I will post the songs which have inspired me through this story!**_

_**Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know, yes?**_

_**P.S: I know some of you are asking for a sequel, but I honestly do not see one. Sorry to burst your bubbles on that. Forgive me? (:**_

_**And I made it, it's my birthday on Monday! YAY! (:**_

_**Love all lots and THANK YOU!!!!**_


	32. Chapter 32: Epilogue Let's do lunch!

_**In this space, I will say HELLO for the last time, and in this space I will tell you that I feel immensely relief that another chapter is completed.**_

_**But just for today, I will tell you that the story is finally completed!**_

_**And in this space, I will tell you for the last time that the green-eyed stranger is not mine. I only know a brown eyed one. (:**_

"**Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a ****fairy tale****."**

***

"_Bella, we're always going to come back here every fall. I want to spend the next eighty autumns here with you, right under this tree, here in this spot, sharing hot cocoa and a blanket." The promise was subtle, but the outline of his plan was clear. _

_We were going to be together forever, and forever started from home._

***

_What exactly is happiness? _

Is it a sense of exhilaration going through your being? Or is it an ambiance of euphoria and epic elation? Perhaps it is ecstasy and jubilation?

I read somewhere that happiness is not just a state we landed in, but a process along the journey.

And I feel… I feel that happiness might just escape from my chest and make me seemed insane when I burst out giggling in a hall full of people.

Words were echoing across the hall, and they seemed to be completely optimistic and sanguine, without a doubt, it was urging us to spread our wings and soar to higher glory beyond our horizons. The future was unseeingly bright.

_Future. _

What do you dream for your future? Do you see a job, money and success? Or do you see more than that?

_My future._

I smiled at the thought of my future, my horizons. It was not going to be my future anymore. From now on, it would be "our future". A future together, a future finally woven such that there was no longer going to be any separation.

I chuckled lightly at my thoughts and a nudge broke me from my reverie.

"Bella, look at the stage now. And please so stop giggling like that. Everyone is staring." Angela's hiss was right in my ears, and I turned to shoot her an accusing stare. I was in the midst of rolling my eye and sticking out my tongue at her, but that voice coming from the speakers immediately jolted me from my childish gestures.

His voice. _That stranger's voice._

I smiled brightly and turned my attention to the stage, at the man with the chiseled jaw and the green eye. His robes hid his lean, yet well built body from sight, but there was no mistaking just how vivacious and dynamic he looked. His voice was set lower than normal through the microphones, his eyes sweeping over the faces in the crowd.

I stared at the stranger longingly, completely at awe how perfect he had become over the last three years. Looking at the man up on stage, I felt a sense of nostalgia. The sentiment of longing for someone had completely deserted me over the last few years ever since, well, him.

I continued my open ogling and admiration as I stared at my stranger from below the podium, listening intently for the first time that morning.

"It has been a long ride for many of us, and I can vouch that it has almost been the same for me. There were always endless work to be done, laboratory work to complete, and twenty four hours in a day seemed hardly sufficient to finish all those absolutely mundane, yet necessary tasks."

I took a quick look around me and saw many nodding of heads in the sea of people. Some were smiling and murmuring in agreement. Trust him to wow over a crowd.

"Well, I said it was almost the same for me, didn't I? Please, allow me to explain my 'almost.' Princeton made me almost complete, Princeton gave me a sense of belonging, and why I transferred to Princeton was because it held the one thing I needed my life. Now, some of you are muttering to yourself and wondering what sort of geek I am that counts a world-class education as a need. Don't judge me yet friends!"

There were laughter and a few claps in the crowd, and I could not help but smiled brilliantly and cheered internally. That stranger was always this charismatic like this. He was good with crowds, I wasn't. He was also a top scorer in Medicine, and well, I could not live up to the reputation he has built in his years at Princeton. Damn, that stranger, he was good. _Was he really mine to keep?_

Well, happily, I will tell you "Yes'. The man is mine.

"Don't judge me yet, because not only does Princeton offer me a great education and a wonderful experience, it also came with a beautiful stranger I know of…"

I felt tears prickling at my eyes as I tried to regulate my breaths so as not to attract unwanted attention. This was not the rehearsed speech I heard!

"Perhaps that's the wrong way to phrase things, because she came with Princeton, and because of her, I am at Princeton. She is the key to my destiny, just like how Princeton is the key to being a great doctor. Princeton opened doors for me and my wonderful professors helped me to renew that spark for medicine. Princeton gave me a chance to discover things outside my comfort zone, whether it was by sending my beloved stranger to London for a full eight months, or by jetting me out to Germany for another six months away from her. There was a point in time I was cursing the school so badly for choosing such a faraway destination for my practice, but time only showed me that my curses were invalid. I was not being sent away, I was finding my own way back…"

I knew I must have looked quite the sight, heaving deeply, Angela's arms around me as she dabbed at my tears anxiously. I was probably also blotchy and red in the face, but I could not care less.

Edward was right; Princeton had been an awesome experience for the both of us.

After three months into our relationship, we were fighting so much and in our arguments, we often brought up our past. I would always yell at Edward for never understanding me, and Edward would always become frustrated with all my running. It was a strenuous and arduous time for us.

We did not have a fairytale to tell of. Instead, we fought regularly, created quite a dispute and squabble, and it always ended with one of us sleeping in the guest room. It took the spark away from us, I thought I had found my happiness, but at some point of time, I began to doubt our relationship.

A month after all the rows began; Edward got a posting to have his practice in Germany. He was reluctant to go, convinced that if he went, that would have been the end of us. A part of me was scared and hesitant too, but in the end, he went.

For six months, we spoke only briefly on the phone, kept in touch via email and the occasional text message. I was secretly relief that Edward was not around to pick a fight with me, and I began to reflect more about our relationship.

His absence had convinced me of three things. I was completely in need of Edward, I was incomplete without the man, and I wanted to work on things between us.

Apparently, the distance between us cleared out things for him as well, and when he came back, we were more in love than ever, except for the odd arguments of where to dine at, when I would completely loathe him!

Things ran much more smoothly for us after that. It was still no fairytale, we had our ups, and we had days when all I wanted to do was to send him back to Harvard! There were days I ran to Angela and Alice crying up a storm, and there were days he stormed to Emmett and Jasper for some kickboxing time.

So where does our happy-ending come in? Well, the only thing remotely like a fairytale in my life was when he proposed eight months ago, before our last semester at Princeton.

***

That day, as I vividly recall, was beautiful. Warm and breezy, a beautiful fall afternoon. The leaves have started to change colors, and our oak tree was in a shade of picturesque and warm yellows, reds and oranges. The colors of my favorite season.

We had just spent the morning snuggling on the piano bench at his house. Well, I snuggled and cuddled, while he played mindlessly on the baby grand. When he played his playful rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars", I was laughing hysterically. The last time I heard him play the song, a girl by the name of Adeline was present, and the same Adeline almost had my stranger.

Eventually and with much persuasion in the form of kisses, he played my lullaby and hummed along with it. The next moment, he stood and pulled me out the door, trekking towards our oak tree. He was still humming the lullaby as we walked, and I complained loudly and idly about his legs being longer than mine. Edward, always reading me well, lifted me onto his back as we crossed the field.

I smiled happily and sighed in contentment as I snuggled my face into the curve of his neck, enjoying the feel of his lean form and muscles moving beneath me as we walked. He never stopped humming, and he never spoke a word until we were under the tree.

The moment I leapt off his back, I was immediately prancing around my tree, pointing at the beautiful leaves and telling Edward that if I ever had my own yard, I would plant an oak tree as well. I was in the middle of my rant, when his warm hands grabbed my shoulders and shook me out of my blabbering.

I can remember the look in his eyes distinctively. It was intense and focused as he looked at me, right into my soul. I felt the tell tale blush flooding my face. Even all this time together, he still had the ability to dazzle me.

"Bella, I mentioned two years ago when you came back from London that I wanted to spend the next eighty autumns here with you. I don't know if you remember, but I want to remind you that I also want to spend the next eighty Valentine's Day with you. And well, I want to help you plant that oak tree in our yard. So now I'm asking, not as your best friend, but as the man who loves you, if you would agree to spend the rest of your life with me by marrying me…"

I could not remember what incoherent and excessive things I said as I sobbed and cried at his proposal. I only know that somewhere along the way, I must have said 'yes' because Edward silenced me thoroughly and effectively when his lips touched mine and curved into a smile. The kiss under the oak tree was magical to say the least. Definitely one of my top ten kisses!

***

Once again, I was startled out of my reverie when I felt Angela's arms nudging me excitedly; I glanced at her hastily under my teary eyes and could scarcely make out what she said. She was waving in the direction of the stage and mouthing to me.

'BELLA, ANSWER HIM!"

My head snapped immediately to the stage and my eyes locked with green ones. There's that homely feeling again. _Home was happiness, home was beautiful._

He looked at me tenderly and smiled dazzlingly at me.

"Baby sweetheart, I'm guessing that you're looking this shock and clueless because you didn't hear what I said, and not because you're changing your mind right?"

Without even thinking, I managed to croak out in my cracking voice loudly.

"What did you say?"

That got the hall of students laughing. Some people whom I knew were cheering my name and some were wolf whistling. _What did that stranger say??!_

With an authoritative chuckle, Edward managed to calm the crowd when he coughed slightly.

"Baby, I just hope you're distracted because I look good in this robe and not cause I bore you. I said, baby, would you mind so much if we skip the luncheon after this and head on to our own lunch?"

I was grinning and I nodded my head enthusiastically, arousing more laughter from the crowd. Edward handed the microphone back to the headmaster, who was also chuckling and laughing.

The crowd took some time to finally settle down for the headmaster to make his announcements.

"That was an inspiring speech Edward! Remember students, that in your life, you must also do something you love, not just something that rolls the cash in. So now, seeing that our lovebirds are in a bit of rush, and stealing the limelight, I will hereby solemnly announce… Let us congratulate our graduating classes! Well done Princeton. Soar and reach for your future students!"

A roar of cheers and echoes of them bounced off the walls of the hall as everyone cloaked in a blue robe tossed the hats into the air. I was laughing and hugging Angela and Ben, excited for my future, happy that this treacherous and long journey was over. I was ready, more than geared up to let my stranger lead me into a new life, a new life with him.

A pair of strong arms hoisted me into the air as I squealed delightfully. When I was set back onto the ground, I spun around and immediately hugged him tightly. He was laughing as he rubbed the small of my back and laced his fingers in my hair.

"What do you say love? Ready to go and get married? Our guests are probably starving if lunch is not served soon due to the absence of the bride and groom."

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Angela giving me a thumbs up and Alice waving over at me by the door excitedly. I heard her squeals above the roar in the hall.

"The limousine is already waiting, come on guys! I need to fix your hair, Bella!"

I grinned widely at my perfect stranger.

"Let's go Edward. I'm ready to go marry and have some lunch!"

Edward's answering grin was like a Cheshire cat, a cat who has caught the canary. I was the canary all too happy to be in his captive.

***

_Did you ask me what happiness is?_

Happiness is the breaking of walls and acceptance.

Happiness is a sense of exhilaration that is coursing through me.

Happiness is an ambiance of euphoria and epic elation that I am sharing with the people I love.

Happiness is where I am headed to.

Happiness is my journey home with Edward.

And I feel… I feel that happiness might just escape from my chest and make me more insane and embarrassed when I finally let out a throaty laugh in a hall full of people.

***

_**Believe it or not, I cried for the first time while writing this story. I have grown emotionally attached to Bella. Some of you have told me that I kept Bella true to Steph Meyer's character. But in fact when I write, I write as though I am narrating to you the story. Every single part of this story holds myself in it. (:**_

_**Read it, enjoy it, and please, review? For the last time! :D**_


	33. Author's Note & Playlist

There is so much I have to say, but only so much my gratitude and appreciation can convey.

First of all, I have to thank the ever lovely **InweTinuviel**her encouragements in getting me to keep continuing this story. Without her, I probably wouldn't even have a dear stranger to talk and write about.

Dear Stranger was not just a plot in my head, waiting to be written and read. Dear Stranger is a part of my life which I hold on to dearly, although pretty stupidly. What a stupid lamb, she says! Dear Stranger is a reminiscence of my own stranger. Not a green-eyed, bronze hair one, but someone equally specially.

So to everyone who enjoyed this story, I have no words to reveal my deepest thanks to you.

To:

**Twilighthood **my BFFFF!

**Eliza-Jane** who encouraged me and gave me so much love when I went through that tough time!

**Ashley the Twisted** for keeping me so, so entertained,

And of course amongst many others, all **you** reading this! It means that I have come to an end in this story, another milestone, another chapter. (:

WOW!

So much to thank YOU for, **THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!**

And now, the song list!

These are the songs which some of YOU readers have told me reminded me of my story and some of the songs which I have listened to for almost six months so that I could have a constant soundtrack for the story.

1. Claire De Lune- Debussy

2. I'm not okay- My Chemical Romance

3. I miss you- Miley Cyrus

4. Decode- Paramore

5. Stranger- Secondhand Serenade

6. Just a Ride- Jem

7. Bombastic Love- Britney Spears

8. Leave out all the rest- Linkin park

9. Beside you- Van Morrison

10. The One- Vanessa Carlton (THANKS TWILIGHTHOOD)

11. Love Story- Taylor Swift

12. Brown Eyes- Lady Gaga

13. My paper heart- Francesca Battistelli

14. You and Me- Lifehouse

15. Running- No Doubt

16. Last Night- Diddy; Keyshia Cole

17. Total Eclipse of the heart- Bonnie Tyler

18. I want to tell you- The Beatles

19. When The Leaves Come Falling Down-VAN MORRISON

20. Never Think- Robert Pattinson

There you have it! Of course, there are more, but these are the primary twenty! If you want more, you could always PM me and ask!

Once again, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

Lots of love and kisses, and many more take cares,

ADIOS!

_**Thalia Airla xoxo**_


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